IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL
Our fearless leader files this dispatch from the road:
A quick scene from the airport today. A family of downhomey UGA fans sent off a pair of clearly foreign, Nordic-looking teen boys back to the cold, godless land from whence they came. They stood ahead of me in line at security, clearly emotional. Though they did not share a language, the angst and tears in their eyes made their feelings for each other clear enough.
And as a parting sign of their love, they had decked out both head to toe in the ultimate Georgian’s sign of affection: spanking new Bulldog gear.
It was moving and hokey simultaneously. In fact, I’m still thinking about them as I board, especially because just after I wiped a tear away, I told TSA they were speaking in Arabic and looking suspicious, and they were hauled away for cavity searches.
Hugs and Go Gators,
Orson
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1
Not You says:
Hopefully, you provided them a water bottle filled with mystery liquid before calling in the authorities. Otherwise they might be released, harming society in the form of ‘jorts’ and ‘corndogs’ references, “Teblow” remarks, and that endless barking thing they are wont to do.
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:15 pm
2
Doug says:
We love you too, Orson.
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:16 pm
3
sb says:
…you wiley little scamp, you…
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
4
DC Trojan says:
Of course now the SEC arms race can go global – now that Georgia has started the Århus Årp Brïgådë, can it be too long before we see the Gothenburg Gators Auxiliary or the Talinn Tide?
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:37 pm
5
Rennie Curran says:
downhomey UGA fans, as opposed to what, the fagalos from jort nation?
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:37 pm
6
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
If they were wearing all black, I wouldnt be too scared. They are quite harmless, really…..(disclaimer)
POST SEASON DOES NOT COUNT. REGULAR SEASON JOKES ONLY.
I hope you are on a EADS Airbus, its the only one that is Crash Tested in real time on the Hudson, ya know, in the water, and it actually floated, just like in the Illustration…..
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:41 pm
7
General Disarray says:
Today. . . GatorNation.
Tomorrow. . . World Domination!!!
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:41 pm
8
Techie says:
Maybe they can put a game with GT-Lorraine on the schedule next year.
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:42 pm
9
steve says:
thank you for your service sir. god bless.
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:44 pm
10
BamaTaxMan says:
Orson,
Only one word came to my mind after reading this……….
Asshole
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:45 pm
11
BamaTaxMan says:
And once again I forget that items enclosed in the less than/greater than signs are ignored.
Please note that the word “grin”, enclosed in less than/greater than signs followed the last visible word of my previous post.
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:47 pm
12
Brian O'Blivion says:
ARP! CRIMSON JIHAD!!! ARP!
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:05 pm
13
Chips O'Toole says:
@DC Trojan
If the SEC truly does go global, I fear this will end up with frightened natives in the Congo telling stories about a bloodthirsty recluse living deep in the jungle, his enormous white hat gleaming with sweat.
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:41 pm
14
NRBQ says:
“Downhomey?”
Describing the kind of folks who sanction, support and house international exchange students?
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:51 pm
15
Brewer says:
I was standing in line for security at SLC a few months ago, and I noticed in the next line over there was a guy in a Dawg hat, you know one of the stupid ones with a ghetto looking dog wearing a baseball cap backwards, and I thought to myself ‘even here those assholes show up’. Don’t know what he did, but he got yanked out of the security line and hauled away. It made my day! You haven’t been in Utah lately have you Orson???
January 22nd, 2009 at 6:06 pm
16
Elitist Snobby says:
You can only taunt us all because you are Champions. And have Timmmmmaaaayyy. And that Urban guy. And Harvin. And that defense. And all tht other junk.
January 22nd, 2009 at 6:19 pm
17
EXPATVOL says:
DUDE… I LIVE IN DENMARK… WELL PLAYED… ALWAYS FUN TO PICK ON THE SCANTARDS… I HOPE THEY GOT A FULL BODY CAVITY SEARCH…
January 22nd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
18
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
LA Times Hearts EDSBS Dept:
For the first time that I am aware of, the Los Angeles Times’ USC blog gives a nod to Orson Swindle.
Not sure whether this merits a congrats or condolences crack.
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/allthingstrojan/
January 22nd, 2009 at 8:33 pm
19
BurritoBrosShits says:
#14 wins.
January 22nd, 2009 at 8:39 pm
20
bamagreg says:
theyre going back to a land of free healthcare & the swedish bikini team. fuck em. what’s one ass probe in the name of the gaytors?
January 22nd, 2009 at 8:56 pm
21
Crabapple Buck says:
As long as it’s just the people in red and black and not the people in scarlet and gray, it’s OK by me.
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:40 pm
22
BJ says:
Since when is arp arp arp Arabic?
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
23
blackertai says:
If this is how you want to play it, Orson, that’s fine. You want to go hard? The switch goes to 11.
January 22nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
24
AERose says:
@6: Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism…
January 23rd, 2009 at 4:11 am
25
T. Kyle King says:
What, 49-10 wasn’t body cavity search enough for you?
(By the way, someone is going to have to explain “arp arp arp” to me. I’ve been a Georgia fan my whole life, and the next ‘Dawg fan I hear say “arp arp arp” will be the first one.)
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:09 am
26
NativeSon says:
@25
Surely in all of those years as a fan, you’ve heard one of your fellow downhomies bark like a dog at a rival fan? I’ve been arp’ed more times than I can count at any of the WLOCP’s I’ve attended. Sometimes I just stand there just to let them keep doing it until they get bored or tired enough to stop. That or a wife/girlfriend will usually come around soon enough to tell them what an idiot they look like continuing to bark at strangers. Like a dog.
arp.
January 23rd, 2009 at 8:12 am
27
Not You says:
@25:
You’ve never heard a Georgia fan bark? Seriously? That’s, like, the only form of communication they USE. That, and tired jokes about other fan bases.
January 23rd, 2009 at 8:13 am
28
Noel Devine's Gold Teef says:
Milky Scandanavians? Poor for recruiting, unless you need a kicker/punter. Even then, South America or continental Europe would be a better option.
I’ll bet That Hat is signing up “foriegn exchange students” from all over the Congo to be strategically placed throughout highschool footbaw hot-beds throughout Louisiana. After watching Rennie Curran, LSU is going global, son.
January 23rd, 2009 at 8:46 am
29
Imarealist says:
I’ve seen the barkers. I’ve never heard them sound like a chihuahua, though. They mostly sound like drunkards who can’t formulate enough syllables together to create words. They are taking the easy way out, in my opinion. I prefer to go the classy route. Instead of barking, I usually say, “Go fuck yourself, pig fucker.” See what I did there. I insulted you twice by calling you a pig and a pig fucker. Most people gloss right over the insinuated insult, and therefore I have a leg up on you. (I’ll give you that pun for free.) That, and informing people that talking to me is generally a bad idea because I’m a bad person that is willing to ignore man’s law in order to fulfill my bloodlust. I have found that those techniques are generally more effective at warding off evil doers than simply barking.
On a brighter note, this is fucking funny.
January 23rd, 2009 at 8:49 am
30
DevilGrad says:
Scandanavia would be prime recruiting ground for recruiting hostesses.
I’m just glad those kid weren’t staying with UF fans. Arriving at Oslo in jorts at this time of year could be dangerous.
January 23rd, 2009 at 8:53 am
31
Ranchyballs says:
O,
You have created my new rorschach test. Trapped behind enemy lines in rural PA I tested this on my co-workers (Penn Staters and a lost, confused Rutgers grad) and on my friends back home (Gators, Vols, Arp Brigade, Auburners, ‘Dores).
Yankees: Funny in a Jack Handy absurdist sort-of-way.
SSSSEEEECCCC: Funny in a, “yah, I’d do the same thing” sort-of-way.
Printing this out and saving it for when I need to determine state of origin.
All the best,
Ranchyballs
PS: The Arp Brigade member called me an ‘asshole.’
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:14 am
32
hailtogeorgia says:
@1: No no no no no. LSU fans smell like corndogs, not the gators.
I’m with Kyle on this. I’ve never heard a UGA fan “arp” at anyone. That’s the bark of a poodle or a pomeranian, not an english bulldog. Most fans mimic the bulldog pretty well and go with a much deeper, throatier bark. That said, it’s virtually impossible to spell that type of bark out, so I don’t really know what I’m getting at here. Personally, I just stick with “Go dawgs”…but that’s usually to fellow fans, not to opponents.
And honestly, clapping your hands together in a vertical fashion while wearing jean shorts, a blue danny wuerffel jersey, a necklace you took off of don johnson, and more hair gel (excuse me, “product”) than i ever thought possible is much better? Really?
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:49 am
33
SportsJacket says:
like shooting fish in a barrel O. nice job.
January 23rd, 2009 at 10:29 am
34
vegas_buckeye says:
[voice style="hedley lamar"]
Recruiting your next Aryan army offensive superstar in europe, are we?
Very clever, Mr Richt, very clever, indeed
[/voice]
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:02 am
35
imissbrasil says:
and the ad directly below is the arp UGA Sports Arp, err, Art arp – Priceless.
THWG
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:08 am
36
Brian O'Blivion says:
The Arp Brigade looks and sounds more like your average sea lion.
ARP! JEAN SHORTS! ARP!
ARP! CORN DOGS! ARP!
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:09 am
37
hobeg8r says:
HailtoGeorgia – “And honestly, clapping your hands together in a vertical fashion while wearing jean shorts, a blue danny wuerffel jersey, a necklace you took off of don johnson, and more hair gel (excuse me, “product”) than i ever thought possible is much better? Really?”
You forgot to add…while staring at your 3 NC trophies and 3 Heisman trophies.
Yeah, it’s better. Much. Better.
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:38 pm
38
Orson Swindle says:
Kyle, to be explicit, ARP refers to the singular monoculturalism of GA fans, who only remember one response to any issue in life. Thus: Gator fans=”ARP! JORTS!!!”, LSU fans = “ARP! CORNDOGS!”, “(Something we don’t understand) =”ARP! GAY!”
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:53 pm
39
hailtogeorgia says:
hobeg8r: just when i thought polishing a turd wasn’t possible, you go and prove me wrong.
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:15 pm
40
T. Kyle King says:
Thanks for the clarifications, one and all; yes, I understand that we bark—I say “we” because I do it, too, though never at anyone in particular—but I never got how what we actually say (”Woof woof woof,” which is the bark of a dog) was misunderstood as “Arp arp arp” (which is the bark of a seal).
Whether we as a fan base are being sold short for our intelligence, education, and ability to articulate our thoughts, I leave to others to decide (although I’d like to think I represent the Georgia faithful in a positive light), but at least we bark correctly, even if our spelling of “dog” sometimes leaves a bit to be desired.
In our defense, at least we know the difference between an alligator and a crocodile, as well as the difference between “XXVI” and “MMVI.”
Thanks again for the clarification. Have a good weekend, one and all. Over and out.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
41
Orson Swindle says:
No problem, Kyle. We’ll be busy toasting you by buying booze on Sunday like real free Americans…IN WEST BY GOD VIRGINIA, which apparently doesn’t hate freedom like Georgia does. (West Virginia is ahead of Georgia in this department. Shame should cover this, but it doesn’t.)
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:43 pm
42
Brian O'Blivion says:
#40 could have saved some precious words and just said:
ARP! CROCS! ARP!
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:51 pm
43
T. Kyle King says:
I prefer to look at it as evidence of our high standards here in Georgia, where we require even our drunks to have forethought.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:52 pm
44
T. Kyle King says:
Sorry . . . No. 43 was a reply to No. 41. Apparently, Brian O’Blivion (No. 42) and I were typing at the same time.
I apologize for wasting my words and your time, Brian. My attempt to be decent, reasonable, and good-natured came back to bite me, as usual.
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:57 pm
45
Brian O'Blivion says:
“Decent, reasonable, and good-natured”? Lulz. You might want to check that passive aggressive commentary at the door next time. Cheers (ARP).
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:07 pm
46
suomi_gator says:
I’ll keep an eye out for the UGites up here in Finland. It’s amazing how easy it is to dump bodies in a hole on the frozen river.
January 23rd, 2009 at 3:29 pm
47
NCT says:
I was under the impression that Orson was actually being clever (stingingly so, as is his wont), by referring to us with “ARP!” as though we were like trained seals, spouting out overused (but funny in their accuracy (jorts) and/or mainstream acceptance (corndogs)) “insults” without thought. I never thought “ARP!” was mean to be a transcript of our actual bark, and the fact that a seal’s cry is called a bark was merely serendipitous.
I will elect to continue to atribute to Orson an intent to use “ARP!” in that fashion and to conclude that the vast majority of the rest of Gator nation is incapable of grasping such subtle humor.
In fact, that so many have adopted the “ARP!” cry as an insult to us Georgia fans is pretty damn funny. Orson created a mocking description for a trait he attributes to UGA fans, and non-Bulldog types now use that very mockery to display the trait in themselves. To each his ARP!, I guess.
Gotta love the SEC. And we call each other rednecks with a straight face.
By the way, I never heard “corndogs” in reference to LSU until I read it here at EDSBS, and I now understand it originated among some Plainsmen (I, too, hate Auburn). In my experience, UGA fans use the corndog reference no more and no less than anyone else in our beloved conference. As for the jean shorts, I’ll gladly accept on behalf of my alma mater responsibility for that one, because when I was in school from ‘84 to ‘91, that particular wardrobe choice was a distinct unifying factor among Gator fans. It was impossible not to notice it every time we went to Jacksonville.
January 25th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
48
Tommy says:
Gator bait is what you catch and kill gators with. Gator fans, read the preceding sentence again and again until this ineluctable fact of life finally sinks in: When a gator engages with the aforementioned bait, by definition of the word “bait,” THE GATOR DIES. Always.
And we’re the dumbasses for barking. Yeesh.
January 26th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
49
Not You says:
Tommy:
No, Gator Bait is anything which lures a Gator. Bait is not something used to kill anything, it’s something designed to entice.
While it is often used in hunting/trapping/fishing, it is by no means exclusive to that domain.
So, you know, go on thinking UF is the stupid one because you can’t be bothered to actually figure out what a word means. Don’t strain yourself.
January 28th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
50
Ronald Bailey says:
You guys arguing over mascot-inspired cheering traditions leave a lot to be desired.
January 29th, 2009 at 6:46 pm