CURIOUS INDEX, 1/19/09

by Orson on Jan 19, 2009 10:02 AM EST

And you think I'm injured? I WILL FIGHT YOU RIGHT NOW UNDERTAKER. Tim Tebow pulled off his sling to prove he was fine at a basketball game after his recent shoulder surgery. Call him an attention whore all you like, but you're only a successful whore if you have thousands of customers. This is what we call a "demand side" issue, and in Gainesville we're afraid prohibition or choking off the demand is out of the question.

tebowmancreation

Myles Brand sanctioned by pancreatic cancer. A small cancer joke among friends, of course. Myles Brand, head of the NCAA, has pancreatic cancer and the long-term prognosis is "not good." Brand, who actually once answered a question sent to him by proxy from EDSBS, will know the results of the chemotherapy he is undergoing later this month. Happy thoughts to him, even if we still aren't sure what he does as president of the NCAA.

Your completely logical user comment of the day: Is here.

Hows that hand me down coach working out for you guys? Too bad he couldnt pull off with your program what he pulled off with ours in 2004. Maybe hell turn tail on you guys like he did to us in the postseason and try to come back now that we are national champions. We wont want him though.

Love, Utah fan. His email address was "nofrickinwayyougetmyemail@areyoukiddingme.com." Frickin' clever!

De-Croomification has begun. Dan Mullen has started the process by getting three four-star commitments for Mississippi State, thus doubling the number of theoretical recruiting stars Sylvester Croom ever got on the offensive side of the ball at the school. If you'd like to get excited (or alternately despondent) over your school's prospects, we suggest you examine that Rivals summary.

Our faculty is energetic. Don't ask why. The University of Florida: makin' it snow, baby.

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“Myles Brand santioned (sic) by pancreatic cancer. A small cancer joke among friends, of course”

I take it you were laughing so hard at a man’s death sentence you couldn’t bother with spell check?

All for the lulz.

by Ted on Jan 19, 2009 10:15 AM EST reply actions

Corrected. Lulz.

by Orson Swindle on Jan 19, 2009 10:22 AM EST reply actions

Nice fark, but you’ve got Tebow on the wrong side.

by OhioDawg on Jan 19, 2009 10:35 AM EST reply actions

My favorite part of the professor was that he was arrested for selling the cocaine within 1000 feet of a church – like selling the cocaine itself wasn’t the worst part.

You guys in FLA can’t sell “controlled substances” within 1000 feet of a church?!?!?

What kind of a wacky law is that? Within 1000 feet of a school – OK, but a church? What about a mosque or a Buddhist temple? I’m a little curious on the justification and reasoning process behind that law… Maybe they don’t want too many energetic people in the congregation?

by berdingo on Jan 19, 2009 10:37 AM EST reply actions

@ #4 – berdingo -

That’s actually a pretty common clause in many municipalities, although it usually reads “places of worship” or something similar. The generic “churches” is good enough for the media. It’s akin to “speeding fines doubled in construction zones” clauses…

Don’t ask how I know this.

by DrBundy on Jan 19, 2009 10:47 AM EST reply actions

Re #4: Simple. Coked-up parishioners scare the snakes.

by DevilGrad on Jan 19, 2009 10:49 AM EST reply actions

If you keep reading the article, they bump up the WTF-factor by dropping this bomb on you…

“According to the report, after he was arrested Heckenberger said he was attempting to trade the cocaine for sexual favors with a man who the officer had seen him with moments before”

by CincySooner on Jan 19, 2009 10:54 AM EST reply actions

Motion for Heckenberger to be considered eligible for the Fulmer cup.

by UFmegood on Jan 19, 2009 10:54 AM EST reply actions

Man, who put the ‘roids in Utah Superfan’s green Jell-O salad this morning?

by Doug on Jan 19, 2009 10:57 AM EST reply actions

“even if we still arent sure what he does as president of the NCAA.”

Well, he collects a paycheck for $750,000 a year while protecting the sanctity of college sports amateur nature by making sure players like O.J. Mayo, Reggie Bush, and others don’t receive payments, and looks out for the best interest of sports by rejecting rules that negatively effect the game, like 10.5.2.

by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Jan 19, 2009 11:15 AM EST reply actions

Any lawyas out there willing to help a brotha out with franchising ? My market study in Gville looks promising, yo.

by J Johns Enterprises on Jan 19, 2009 11:17 AM EST reply actions

@ DevilGrad #6:

Lulz!

by Sue E. Pig on Jan 19, 2009 11:17 AM EST reply actions

Who was the other man the Anthro Prof was gonna exchange favors? Young Jeezy?
And why would you admit that without being under oath? He had the coke cause he was curious? Sounds like he was exchanging favors cause he was curious……..and a gifted researcher….his research must be on the “life of a crack ho”………..Did Tebow perform the surgery on his self?

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 19, 2009 11:18 AM EST reply actions

I once had a Philosophy Prof at UCF that supposedly got shitcanned for her involvement in running a porn site. She looked like an ugly Steve Buscemi with longer hair, so I can only hope that she never got in front of the camera.

(That’s right, an ugly Steve Buscemi. Let that soak in, and happy nightmares.)

by MrRedDevil on Jan 19, 2009 11:33 AM EST reply actions

I always thought Anthro was a bullshit major anyway.

by BurritoBrosShits on Jan 19, 2009 11:35 AM EST reply actions

I took anthropology as an “I need a science” option, and there are not words to describe the boredom of that class. Maybe the prof couldn’t stand teaching it either, which is why he turned to blow.

by Brian O'Blivion on Jan 19, 2009 11:58 AM EST reply actions

This just in: Newly hired UT Linebacker coach gets served for divorce….
http://www.al.com/sports/birminghamnews/digest.ssf?/base/sports/1232356510178190.xml&coll=2

This is some pretty weird timing right here…….I have heard of getting divorced from Saban as an asst, but the wife filing, then the Coach going to another school within the week?

Oh yeh, its Jan. 19th…..Utah still not number 1…
“Hand me down Coach”
2 BCS Trophies….Utah 0……….

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 19, 2009 12:20 PM EST reply actions

#17: She was a bitch anyways.

Welcome to Knoxville, Lance!

by etsuVol on Jan 19, 2009 1:02 PM EST reply actions

That’s really unfortunate for Brand. Pancreatic cancer is the Ray Mauluga of cancers.

by NDTom on Jan 19, 2009 1:37 PM EST reply actions

The Fark would have been perfected if Tebow was wearing jorts a la Arrested Development recreating the classics.

by Wilco on Jan 19, 2009 1:43 PM EST reply actions

When I finally get around to be acting in pornography, I will be borrowing UF spokesperson Steve Orlando’s name.

by Todd on Jan 19, 2009 2:05 PM EST reply actions

I dunno, Orson. You should take the Utah fan up on his proposed scenario.

Fire Urban Meyer and then promote Charlie Strong to HC.

by Techie on Jan 19, 2009 2:43 PM EST reply actions

White Speed @ 10: Don’t forget he also allowed the size of the NCAA to increase exponentially while raising licensing fees on Universities and athletic insurance. Good stuff. Sad to hear about the cancer though, its probably the roughest one for family members.

And for the Utah fan… what is “Quib”? I do not think that is the word you were looking for.

by Carolina Girl on Jan 19, 2009 3:33 PM EST reply actions

Thank you Mr Coach Mullen, but God bless Sylvester, he sure inherited a train wreck and saved our program, while giving the OrsonJortGaters 2 NCs too. Truly a multitasker, which will come inhandy with HelloKiffy & daCoachO.

Combine these 3 w/ our 1st true top 10 QB signee since John Bond (1980) and we might average 20+ a game before long.

by yoyofutbawl on Jan 19, 2009 4:47 PM EST reply actions