YOU KNOW THERE’S MORE TO LIFE BESIDES FOOTBALL WEEPING FOR EXAMPLE
Oh, there’s so much to do around here in the offseason. We could go outside…no, wait, outside sucks. Not as much as it sucks for you sad, bunker-dwelling Midwesterners, who for some reason decide to live in the middle of the fucking continent where nothing is and where the temperature dives to inhuman temperatures with a negative sign in front of them. Masochism lives, and its address is probably somewhere with IA or SD behind it.
Still, it shouldn’t ever be below freezing in Atlanta. That’s not part of the contract, which specifies all the other bad shit about living here. Which, specifically, is only one thing, really:
Tardbillies Keeping Us From Buying Alcohol on Sundays. You know what? God doesn’t give a shit whether you buy you booze in a grocery store on in a restaurant on Sundays. In fact, he’d probably prefer if we didn’t have to get in a car, drive to the bar, cloud our judgment, and then have three more drinks before getting in the car. You can get booze on Sundays IN ALABAMA FOR HELL’S SAKE. If Alabama has a more sound policy on anything than your state, consider disbanding into a series of independent city-states immediately.
Yet my jacknoramus governor–who actually chooses to call himself Sonny as an adult man–claims this would endanger lives. Fuck you, Sonny, and fuck that ignoramus old biddy trembling in her sunbonnet in some dingy church worried that Crazy Old Testament God will bring his thunder down on Georgia if we can buy a bottle of cheap Aussie Shiraz on Sundays and drink it with my family. And if we’re going to spend time with our family, WE GON HAFTA DRANK, Sonny. You want family values? Let us nip down to the liquor store to make ourselves pleasant for company. Believe us, it’s better for all concerned. God knows this, right God?
YES ATTENTION QUIVERING TARDBILLIES OF GEORGIA PLEASE LET ATLANTA CONTINUE TO BRING LIFE AND MONEY AND INTERESTING THINGS TO YOUR WORLD BY ALLOWING THEM TO BUY ALCOHOL WHENEVER THEY LIKE. ALSO, IF YOU WANT CONVENTIONEERS TO COME BACK, YOU SHOULD BRING BACK 24 HOUR CLUBS. PEOPLE LIKE BOOZE AND WHORES. THEY’RE GOOD FOR BUSINESS. GOD, OUT.
See? Even God wants that to happen. He might be willing to kill your firstborn to make it happen, Georgia! Or maybe not. You’ll never know, but why risk it? He’s done it before, and he might do it again if you don’t let us purchase a case of PBR on Sundays like the pansy failed hipsters we are.
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51
hailtogeorgia says:
Walt,
No offense to you personally, but that whole “the liquor stores are really the biggest proponents of not being open on sunday” argument is a crock of shit. Why, if alcohol were allowed to be sold on sundays, would everyday liquor store customers suddenly turn to kroger to buy their alcohol? There is no stipulation saying that only beer or wine would be sold…it’s all or nothing. On top of that, why would opening their businesses and paying employees on sundays be any more expensive than any other day of the week? Like I said, no offense to you personally, but this argument just doesn’t make any sense. Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, who is in the business of selling liquor is going to jump at the idea of being able to sell even more of it, regardless of what day of the week it is.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
52
Signal to Noise says:
I join #39 in noting that it is 80 degrees today in my part of California and I can get my drank on whenever so long as it’s before 2 AM.
And I’m gonna need it with Sanchez leaving for the draft.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
53
Last Dragon says:
You whiners need to move down here to South Louisiana. I can buy any kind of alcohol, anytime I want. And I can buy it at grocery stores, convenience stores, whatever. Hell I could drive through and get a daquiri on Sunday if I wanted with all the extra shots I can ask for without turning my vehicle off.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
54
Bottagetta says:
#29: Phenix City IS good for something besides spiking the A.I.D.S. and teenage pregnancy rate.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
55
Millon de Floss says:
Up until a few years ago, the liquor stores (which included beer sales) in Delaware had to be closed on
Sunday. The legislature banned smoking in bars but then changed the law to allow beer and liquor sales
on Sundays. Bar business is booming and you can re-stock on Sundays. Life is good.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
56
Paul_in_Reno says:
For all of the negatives to living in Nevada being able to get liquor 24/7 has its advantages. Hell, I can grab any type of liquor I want in the grocery store. Screw having to go to the liquor store.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
57
PeterPumpkinhead says:
You guys do realize there are Dry counties in Alabama (I’m looking at you, Fayette) where alcohol isn’t sold AT ALL. EVER. ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. PERIOD.
Just think about the drunk driving implications of everyone having to drive to the county line to get their beer. You don’t really have to think hard, you can go look up the stats on drunk driving fatalities in those counties.
January 15th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
58
GTFridge says:
#51
The liquor store reason is true. A friend of mine worked for the liquor store lobby last year; she says that they are staunchly against Sunday alcohol sales; they like the built in day off, and resulting lower labor costs.
January 15th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
59
meatybob says:
@51
Yeah, GTFridge is right. Rot in B-school for a couple of years and you will realize that established businesses no likely laizze faire at all.
January 15th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
60
Walt says:
Thanks GTFridge. I remembered reading a big thing on it and seeing it in the news in Atlanta about the liquor store lobby being against Sunday sales for that reason. Hence the reason why I brought it up. It’s not a “crock of shit” a hailtogeorgia so eloquently put it.
January 15th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
61
skinnyphatman says:
A name to remember Don Leeburn, think Bobby Lowder, but Leeburn likes to keep his pets at the state house and to a lesser degree at UGA. If Crown Royal Don is against Sunday sales, so is Sonny and several others.
January 15th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
62
NCT says:
Ah, but there’s something sort of magical about navigating one’s way through the parking lot at the Green’s in front of the Killer Kroger when a Saturday night coincides with payday (or VA benefits day — whatever) then standing in line behind someone purchasing a pint with a handful of nickels and pennies. Ah, Ponce: I love you so.
@36 And yes, Gen., I’m familiar with Dyer. I suspected the Eagle Tavern story was a myth perpetuated by over-zealous student tour guides. Or maybe I read it in Coulter’s book while trying to dodge the Jim Crow apologia subtext.
January 15th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
63
NCT says:
@61 … Speaking of Columbus …
I’m tempted to make some connection between “Leebern’s pets” and floor exercises (both in the General Assembly and Stegeman), but I fear for my personal safety.
January 15th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
64
WarDamnAdam says:
@29: I make that drive quite often! I think the Adult Swim cartoon Squidbillies did an episode on Georgia’s blue laws.
Granny: Why don’t ya jest buy your sunday liquor on saturday?
Early: Inconvenient!
Indeed.
January 15th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
65
DevilGrad says:
Even when read on a blackberry after a day spent trekking the frozen tundra of the northeat, that’s some funny stuff. But COTG is just saving the booze for the Yankees. We need it more than y’all do right now.
January 15th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
66
AtlantaIrish says:
I never want a beer more than after mowing my lawn on a Sunday, going inside and realizing that we drank them all watching football the day before.
January 15th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
67
bobafet7 says:
Riviera, Backstreets, or 1tweezy? Which where you at?
January 15th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
68
cyclonestate says:
you know, usually you making fun of the midwest would piss me off, but not today. you have to be right about the masochism thing, because there were windchills up to 57 below 0 today in gorgeous ames, iowa.
January 15th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
69
Brewer says:
Meh… I stock up on Saturday, just takes some planning. Blue Laws are stupid, but isn’t that what the gov’t is for? Making stupid laws to piss us off? And I don’t care what they have in L.A. Unless you have seven digits to the left of the decimal on your bank statement, Los Angeles sucks.
January 15th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
70
kizzak says:
While the crusade to retake Sundays is good, we must avoid being out-flanked in the Atlanta-area
For those that haven’t heard, DeKalb is considering (just got delayed) an ordinance that would allow the county to revoke liquor licenses if the county designates the establishment with said license a ‘nuisance’ or if there’s a crime committed somewhere in the area.
January 16th, 2009 at 12:06 am
71
bamagreg says:
roll tide, motherfuckers. finally, we’re ahead of the curve on something. bars open 24/7 and sunday drankin. now, if can only deal with that hoover hair bangs deal
January 16th, 2009 at 2:46 am
72
hailtogeorgia says:
Walt,
I wasn’t saying that there aren’t liquor lobbyists who are against sunday liquor sales. I meant that the argument, itself, is a crock of shit. If the liquor stores like the built-in day off and the lower labor costs, then simply don’t open on sunday (see: Chick-Fil-A, though not with liquor and for a different reason). It’s no reason to fight for the banning of alcohol sales in stores altogether on sunday. Like I said before, it simply doesn’t make sense. Oh, and I apologize for not wording my earlier comment a little more “eloquently”. At a website where articles talk about Bob Stoops giving Gary Pinkel a reacharound while anally raping him, and comments refer to AIDS, teenage pregnancy, or include “Roll Tide, Motherfuckers”, I didn’t realize I should limit my terms to not include “a crock of shit”.
Oh, and @57, it’s not just Alabama that has the dry counties. They’re all over south Georgia as well. I can think of three (Effingham, Bulloch, and Screven) off the top of my head…though some of them are kinda like “Dry County Lite”, where you can buy beer and wine, but liquor…NOOOOOO! You can’t get drunk off of beer and wine and cause a wreck, in case you didn’t know.
January 16th, 2009 at 8:37 am
73
John says:
In Alabama we got rid of the blue laws by jury nullification. We sold beer on Sun. asked for jury trials, and got exonerated for the most part. Even with judges instructions to convict. It takes lots of people flouting the laws, brvely, and a great risk and expense. Then the legislature caved. By the way, prostitution on an individual basis was only outlawed in Alabama about 6 years ago.
January 19th, 2009 at 12:00 am
74
John says:
31/ by the way, solomons has been closed in Mobile for about 4 months, to many crack whores and muggings in the parking lot.
January 19th, 2009 at 12:15 am
75
Chris says:
Just like Brian O’Blivion above, this is why I make my own beer. I’ve got 4 or 5 dozen 22oz bottles of beer sitting under the stairs in my garage (who needs a fridge when the basement garage is a steady 45 degrees?) waiting for any reason to drink. If I get down to 20 or so bottles, I make up another batch or two and they’re ready by the time my beer is gone. It’s rather convenient and it’s a decent cost savings. 30 bucks for a box of ingredients makes nearly 5 gallons (about 50-55 12 oz bottles) of beer.
January 20th, 2009 at 10:49 am