SPIKES, HARDY RETURNING
Brandon Spikes, monster linebacker and budding Derrick Brooks As Midfielder clone, will return to the University of Florida next year. We’re so happy at this news that we just punted a football into our ceiling. The dog is huddling in the corner wondering what she did wrong and there’s a massive dent in the plaster, but it was totally worth it.
Did your pants just fly off? It’s because you looked at this photo.
Also returning is Ole Miss DE Greg Hardy, who made an SI cover, allegedly coasted through football-related activities like games and practices, and will now have to return for a senior season to ensure maximum rookie bonus money with a full season of effort. Hardy is a terrifying defensive end when he wants to be, and when he doesn’t want to be, he’s not, meaning he will require the full snake-handling mesmerizing stare of Coach Giggitypants to maximize his market value. Won’t that be fun?
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1
Mätt says:
Excelsior!
Somewhere, Knowshon Moreno just breathed a sigh of relief that he wouldn’t get raped by Brandon Spikes again in the NFL next year. One year off, Knowshon, one year.
January 15th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
2
chaimy4life says:
houston nutt’s speech before the cotton bowl can be found here…
http://www.funlol.com/8409/Best_of_Quagmire!.html
January 15th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
3
ATLGator says:
And lo, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth (or tooth) in much of the SEC. Especially UGA. Especially.
January 15th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
4
KYGator says:
Joe Schad reports that Percy is gone: in other news, ESPN has breaking news that Texas and USCw have signed a contract to reenact their showdown in the Rose Bowl.
January 15th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
5
nolefan says:
*shakes uncontrollably in the corner*
January 15th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
6
WarChiziken says:
Chizik just said a few “holy Marys” in thanks for not having Florida on his schedule for a year or so
January 15th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
7
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
And Georgia safety Reshad Jones is going to the NFL?
Oooookaaaay…
January 15th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
8
Jmuthaf'nT says:
why the f is there a ga art ad flying next to the news of god’s children returning to the promised land? i wonder if urban can find someone even faster to recruit like usain bolt. that would be awesome
January 15th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
9
NRBQ says:
Pants still on here. He’s a beast, granted, but that hair is the Gay.
January 15th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
10
Crabapple Buck says:
Usain Bolt is way too tall for Florida. They want quarkbacks, not 6′5″ guys who would get a 15 yard excessive celebration penalty with every TD.
January 15th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
11
briny001 says:
I don’t know what would be sadder. That he tied that tie himself, or that somebody did it for him.
January 15th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
12
Boozy McHound says:
I still can’t get over the ’scrunchy’
January 15th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
13
General Disarray says:
That picture is so typical of a college football player’s team picture. There’s always 20 or so guys that are “growing” so fast that they have to borrow a shirt and tie from a bigger guy cause their’s won’t fit anymore (or they don’t own one to start with) and not many teams bother hiring a stylist to make sure they look respectable b efore the pictures are taken. Of course, this still may be preferable to that hideous pink suit he’s sported several times. . . .
January 15th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
14
meatybob says:
WTF with everyone coming back. Some of us are hoping to see some rebuilding of programs, not The Asskicking, Part Deux.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
15
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
Other General at 13:
They should do what they do in the Corps: have a jacket and a shirt and a tie. Make ‘em put em on. Snap the photo. Everybody is uniform.
Oh, and buzz everybody’s head.
Hu-ah.
January 15th, 2009 at 4:22 pm