SPIKES, HARDY RETURNING

by Orson on Jan 15, 2009 12:43 PM EST

Brandon Spikes, monster linebacker and budding Derrick Brooks As Midfielder clone, will return to the University of Florida next year. We're so happy at this news that we just punted a football into our ceiling. The dog is huddling in the corner wondering what she did wrong and there's a massive dent in the plaster, but it was totally worth it.

spikes
Did your pants just fly off? It's because you looked at this photo.

Also returning is Ole Miss DE Greg Hardy, who made an SI cover, allegedly coasted through football-related activities like games and practices, and will now have to return for a senior season to ensure maximum rookie bonus money with a full season of effort. Hardy is a terrifying defensive end when he wants to be, and when he doesn't want to be, he's not, meaning he will require the full snake-handling mesmerizing stare of Coach Giggitypants to maximize his market value. Won't that be fun?

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Excelsior!

Somewhere, Knowshon Moreno just breathed a sigh of relief that he wouldn’t get raped by Brandon Spikes again in the NFL next year. One year off, Knowshon, one year.

by Mätt on Jan 15, 2009 12:52 PM EST reply actions

houston nutt’s speech before the cotton bowl can be found here…

http://www.funlol.com/8409/Best_of_Quagmire!.html

by chaimy4life on Jan 15, 2009 12:52 PM EST reply actions

And lo, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth (or tooth) in much of the SEC. Especially UGA. Especially.

by ATLGator on Jan 15, 2009 12:52 PM EST reply actions

Joe Schad reports that Percy is gone: in other news, ESPN has breaking news that Texas and USCw have signed a contract to reenact their showdown in the Rose Bowl.

by KYGator on Jan 15, 2009 12:56 PM EST reply actions

shakes uncontrollably in the corner

by nolefan on Jan 15, 2009 1:07 PM EST reply actions

Chizik just said a few “holy Marys” in thanks for not having Florida on his schedule for a year or so

by WarChiziken on Jan 15, 2009 1:12 PM EST reply actions

And Georgia safety Reshad Jones is going to the NFL?

Oooookaaaay…

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jan 15, 2009 1:23 PM EST reply actions

why the f is there a ga art ad flying next to the news of god’s children returning to the promised land? i wonder if urban can find someone even faster to recruit like usain bolt. that would be awesome

by Jmuthaf'nT on Jan 15, 2009 1:29 PM EST reply actions

Pants still on here. He’s a beast, granted, but that hair is the Gay.

by NRBQ on Jan 15, 2009 1:32 PM EST reply actions

Usain Bolt is way too tall for Florida. They want quarkbacks, not 6’5" guys who would get a 15 yard excessive celebration penalty with every TD.

by Crabapple Buck on Jan 15, 2009 1:33 PM EST reply actions

I don’t know what would be sadder. That he tied that tie himself, or that somebody did it for him.

by briny001 on Jan 15, 2009 2:36 PM EST reply actions

I still can’t get over the ‘scrunchy’

by Boozy McHound on Jan 15, 2009 3:14 PM EST reply actions

That picture is so typical of a college football player’s team picture. There’s always 20 or so guys that are “growing” so fast that they have to borrow a shirt and tie from a bigger guy cause their’s won’t fit anymore (or they don’t own one to start with) and not many teams bother hiring a stylist to make sure they look respectable b efore the pictures are taken. Of course, this still may be preferable to that hideous pink suit he’s sported several times. . . .

by General Disarray on Jan 15, 2009 3:16 PM EST reply actions