[SCENE: KELLY AND TODD'S HOUSE. Game night. They have invited JIM and BOB over for a game the whole family can enjoy because Trivial Pursuit is only fun for smart people.]
Bob: So, how does this work?
Kelly: Okay, Bob and Jim. In the fun-for-everyone game of Cranium, the final round is decided by one question we determine at random with a roll of the die.
Jim: Sounds easy enough. And familiar.
Kelly: It should. Now, all you have to do is answer the one question, and you'll have won the game.
Todd: Please get this right guys. I'm so tired of this game. No one except the women want to play it, and it takes FOREVER.
Bob: Don't worry, Todd. Jim and I are gonna have us outta here in two shakes, buddy. Roll!
[Forty-five minutes pass. Todd sits at the table with his head in his hands.]
Todd: Okay, let's see if you can get this one. "ZELPUZ." Unscramble these letters, and you'll have the answer.
Jim: No sweat. We got "cattle" earlier. This should be easy. Let's go, Big Game!
Bob: Right behind you, Senator.
Jim: This is ours. I can feel it.
Todd: Okay, here's your word. The clue is "activity." Turn over the timer and....GO!!!
[The card reads: "Sdtgtetriianiiop" The answer is "prestidigitation." They will not get this in a thousand rolls of a thousand dice in the casinos of a very blue and improbable hell.]
Jim: That's harder than cattle.
Bob: Yes. Yes it is.
[Three hours later.]
Jim: I swear I one one of these games once.
Bob: Okay, we're gonna get it. What is it? Kelly? WAKE UP KELLY.
Kelly: [picks head off desk.] UM--sorry. I was nodding off there. Guys, we really don't have to finish this--
Todd: [surrounded by beer bottles] Yeah, seriously guys. We don't--
Jim and Bob: YES WE DO WE HAVE TO WIN THE FINAL ROUND.
Kelly: But Todd and I won hours ago. Remember? I sensosketched "bus stop," and we got the last one?
Jim: I don't remember that.
Bob: Funny, I don't remember that either.
[Todd and Kelly look at each other.]
Kelly: Okay, the last question, and then you leave.
Jim: Fine, fine. Just ask the question.
Todd: It's a humdinger. Hum the song. Leave our house it's 2:30 in the morning. Bob, you're humming.
Jim: But I like to hum, Todd---
Todd: YOU SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP TRESSEL. Bob is humming, and then he's leaving and we're calling game.
Jim: Well, okay then.
Todd: Here's the card. Go. Then leave before I call the police.
[Bob takes the card. It reads: "Hot Blooded," by Foreigner. ]
Bob: Oh, we've got this.
[Bob Stoops stands up and begins humming out the guitar line and playing enthusiastic air guitar to the song.]
Bob: MMM MMM mmm...MMM mm MMMM MMMMMHHHHH...
Jim: I'm...I'm sorry. I just listen to gospel and country. Is this a gospel song? Can we have another question?
Bob: No, wait! We can get this! Can we do one with the putty? Those are fun!
Jim: Yeah, the play-doh stuff. We're good at those.
Kelly: I'm dialing 9 and 1 and waiting for you to leave.
Jim and Bob: WHY DOES THIS FEEL FAMILIAR?
Todd: I hate this fucking game.