According to Chip Brown of Rivals (via a radio interview,) Sam Bradford will announce his return to Oklahoma at a press conference at 5:30. The conference is expected to last somewhere between 14 and 54 minutes depending on whether Major Wright is in the room or not.

Pittsburgh’s football offices, 8:35 a.m. An assistant runs into Dave Wannstedt’s offices.

Assistant: Coach! Guess who’s going pro?

Wannstedt: [pauses] (more…)

Boy, it was nice to have those three seconds of reflection on the 2008 season. Now, on to other things. Babies being born with terrible names. Nebraska players already breaking out the medicine balls and getting into offseason training. (Nice form on a 225 pound front squat there, young Jonathon Stantin.) Imaginary IM convos between Erin Andrews, Tim Tebow, and Sam Bradford. (With cameo by Rey Maualuga, of course.) All of the important things that will keep you afloat for the next eight months COLLAPSES WEEPING INTO A PILE OF OLD PHIL
STEELE MAGAZINES.

It’ll be okay, soldier. It’ll be okay.

In the midst of much player shuffling and reshuffling re: the draft, one player has made a clear decision to stay: Jacksonville State quarterback Ryan Perrilloux, who elected to spend another year in college after being informed he was not going to be selected in the first three rounds. We wish the Sixty Million dollar man all the luck in the world in the next year conquering the Ohio Valley Conference, and making the draft next year as an FCS qb. (May we suggest changing your last name to “Flacco?” NFL scouts seem to think talent is transmitted entirely on a genetic basis, so this might work better than you think.

Part one: From misery merchant Gregg Doyel:

Sorry. Wrong. If Tebow were a Muslim or a Mormon, and Meyer’s daughter texted him with Tebow’s chosen verse from the Koran or from the Book of Mormon, would that be “good for college football, good for young people, good for everything?”

Part two:

Orson: “Hey, Freek. What if we made Tim Tebow into the most extreme Muslim we could imagine?”

Freek: “On it.”

Part Three:

“Greetings and grace to you, Gator Peoples. I would like to first and foremost thank Allah and his only prophet Mohammed. It is through the divine power of his sword that I came through to victory with my team. Praise be to Allah and to his people, the Gator Nation.”

“Let’s do it again next year! Death to America, and Go Gators.”

We would have tried him as a polygamist Fundamentalist Mormon, but to be honest he would have looked pretty much the same as he does now, but in a tie and short sleeves, and two years older thanks to a mission trip.

Mustache Wednesday, volume one, the work of Angry Chicken from the BC Scout board:

And bonus Mustache Wednesday, just because we do indeed ride dirty from time to time.

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