TAYLOR MAYS TO RETURN; JORVORSKIE LANE WEIGHS 295 POUNDS

by Orson on Jan 13, 2009 4:33 PM EST

For some reason, Taylor Mays is coming back to play football at USC. Why Mays would want to leave the idyllic, sun-dappled scene of USC, where he wakes each morning covered by a blanket of five to eight naked young women huddled around him for warmth, is beyond our understanding. Perhaps he believes he can improve on a laser-timed 4.32 40 yard dash. Perhaps he is limited in his actions by the demands of Directive 4, which keeps him from turning on the engineers who built him, or from bolting to the NFL until he absolutely has to. It's scary either way.

Also, Jorvorskie Lane weighed 295 at his Shrine Bowl workout, but had good hands (for to catch the food! HAHAHAHAHA.)

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Is the Shrine Bowl where they take all the burn victims? Cause Javorski Lane will mistake them for bar-b-q and eat them……

Taylor Mays, man what are ya thinking? I am sure there are some Youtubes about Willis Macgahee knee and staying in college, ya know…may wanna watch that in slo-mo…..and watch the millions fly away ,if they didnt go all bionic on him…..and get a LLoyds of London insurance policy……man you are gonna miss that money homey, and for what? A Rhodes Scholarship? No? then WTF?

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 13, 2009 4:40 PM EST reply actions

Looks like he’ll have go another year scraping by on Dad and Mom’s allowance, made somewhat easier when said Dad and Mom are Microsoft and Nordstrom executives.

Damn you and impossible lifestyle, Taylor.

by Ray on Jan 13, 2009 4:42 PM EST reply actions

I, would like to state, for the record, that a woman is behind this….I just know it….and she should write a book on “How to Control Ya Man and Keep him outta the NFL, and from tha’ Skanks and Ho’s that go along Wid Dat.”

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 13, 2009 5:18 PM EST reply actions

Meanwhile, Greg Hardy who first said he was leaving Ole Miss is now reportedly saying this:

“Nutt and Hardy will discuss whether the decision to go pro is in Hardy’s and Mississippi’s best interests.”

I’m sorry but there is a huge disconnect in that statement. It would never be in Ole Miss’ best interests to have Hardy turn pro. I would hope Nutt would tell him to do what is best for him and leave the school’s interests out of the equation.

by hobeg8r on Jan 13, 2009 5:24 PM EST reply actions

Its in Alabamas best interest, and Floridas too……..so that counts for something…..

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 13, 2009 5:34 PM EST reply actions

There’s got to be a Steelers jersey somewhere with Lane’s name on it. Of course, it’s probably already been rented out as an awning for outdoor weddings in Moon Township for the entire month of June, but, still, it should be waiting for him at training camp.

by DevilGrad on Jan 13, 2009 5:54 PM EST reply actions

A day without Taylor Mays is like a day without sunshine. Fortunately, I won’t have to worry about either for at least another year. Another great day to be a Trojan.

With respect to that video, the best part about those two plays is that they were essentially back-to-back. Only a lame penalty interrupted the carnage. Oh and Willis McGahee was a first-round pick and is a very rich (watch your mouth.) If Mays only does as well as Willis, he will be just fine.

by Lurking Trojan on Jan 13, 2009 6:02 PM EST reply actions

#7
Taylor Mays was a first round pick when he was in 8th grade, 5’10/175 and ran a slow 4.49…

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 13, 2009 6:16 PM EST reply actions

Freak of nature returning to defensive backfield? Check

Plenty of young linebacker talent ready to plug in? Check

Freak of nature (Griffin) returning to defensive line? Check

Entire offense returning? Check (Sanchez won’t leave and I’d be very surprised if Williams did)

Things are lining up very well for USC in 2009. Most people are forgetting that this was the rebuilding year with a new quarterback and OL. Since Byers was granted a 6th year that means Sanchez and the tailbacks will have all of the same linemen blocking for them next year.

USC, Florida, and Texas (if Colt returns) are all set up for monster years in 2009.

by oc phil on Jan 13, 2009 7:18 PM EST reply actions

And every returning pac 10 receiver just shed a tear and shuddered. As much as I don’t like Cal, I give them credit for consistently throwing down the field against Mays in that game. Of course, their receivers looked like victims of the 1970’s Oakland Raiders’ secondary by the end of the game, but I was impressed by their ballsiness. This is a pleasant shock.

by PortTrojan on Jan 13, 2009 8:59 PM EST reply actions

Cal did have a deep touchdown pass to Shane Vereen that was called back on a technicality. That would have tied the score 10-10 in the 3rd quarter. Oh well, gotta line up right at the line of scrimmage. USC’s defense was amazing this year. They were the best team in the country.

by Dajo9 on Jan 13, 2009 11:45 PM EST reply actions

He’s not Reggie F’n Nelson, but he’s aiight. . . I didn’t see any dropped passes or anyone sharting themselves in anticipation of his arrival.

Hell, give Major Wright another spring of brain damage and as long as he can tell the difference in jersey colors next fall, I expect several instances of unconsciousness, several missing teeth, half a severed tongue and that’s just what he’ll do to himself.

by General Disarray on Jan 14, 2009 12:01 AM EST reply actions

Lane used to be a very good running back, now he is just another fat slob.

by me on Jan 14, 2009 6:00 AM EST reply actions

so just so i get this right…taylor mays is coming back…and asher allen is leaving? WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK IS GOING ON AROUND HERE? I was okay with stafford and moreno leaving…but asher allen? seriously? he’s going to be a second round pick at best. one more year could’ve only helped his stock. ass. and here i was hoping that the falcons might get taylor mays…oh well.

by hailtogeorgia on Jan 14, 2009 9:41 AM EST reply actions