Michael Bay is suing Myron Rolle for copyright infringement. Because the Florida State safety and Rhodes Scholar will bypass the NFL draft this year to attend Oxford University, where he pick up a master’s in medical anthropology, return to enter the NFL draft in 2010, finish his NFL career, then attend med school, and then open a clinic for the poor in the Bahamas before joining a super-secret elite government unit dedicated to studying and fighting alien terrorists. Only part of that is false, and thus the lawsuit from Bay, who swears this is a character from his new script Jihad from Area 51.

The dating pitch for Rolle abroad, though, is already taken care of:

Who knew Maryland was so popular? Hell in a Red Shell will nod their head and wonder what the fuss is about, but what the hell about Maryland made the Humanitarian Bowl’s rating jump 200 percent? Ratings overall were up, including a ten percent bump for the BCS Title game.

McCoy Returning! Gerald McCoy for Oklahoma, that is. LeSean and Colt will both enter the NFL draft in all likelihood, thus reducing the percentage of absurd first names by .03 in college football. The arrival of Shavodrick Beaver should compensate for both of them.

On Urban Meyer’s fridge: Get Money, Get Paid. Urban Meyer will earn an extra $375K for the SEC title, BCS Title, and for a top ten finish, missing only the SEC and AP Coach of the Year award bonuses. Both of these went to Nick Saban, who could really use the money on top of his $4 mil a year. Just kidding–these checks will both sit uncashed on his kitchen island for weeks before anyone notices.

Second degree burn; source, hot pizza. Chase Daniel says he had a thumb injury the second half of the season for MIssouri. As a sufferer of the cheese whiplash neck burn resulting from a piece of cheese snapping and whipping across the chin and neck while eating a hot slice, we sympathize, Chase.