CURIOUS INDEX, 12/13/09

Nick Saban thinks Urban Meyer is underpaid

Why am I not shocked that food caused Chase Daniels to play poorly?

Has Colt decided to bolt? Last I saw, he was staying, but then again, get money, get paid, lawya…

Uh, Colt McCoy is headed to the NFL? I’m not done with my first cup of coffee yet, and you’re dropping this kind of news?

Not news, just me. Don’t throw yourself on a Longhorn bellyfirst yet.

I burned the shit out of myself with a steak and cheese Hot Pocket (possibly while high) one night in college. I had a beard at the time, so once the molten cheese ran down my chin, I could not get it off. Oh, the horror. I have not had a Hot Pocket since then.

…longhorns…Aaahhhahahahahaha! (Glad its not Tebow) whew!

Lacey Underall: Here’s an uncashed check for $70,000.
Nick Saban: Keep it.
Lacey Underall: There’s a bunch of them ! And a NCAA summons.
Nick Saban: It’s yours.

@6

Interesting, I was about to call bullshit on Daniel burning his neck due to the insulation provided by his neck-beard-ascot-thingy, but after hearing your testimony perhaps I was too quick to judge.

AP News, Gainsville:
In other breaking news, Tim Tebow announced today that he is converting to Islam.
“Khalil El-Akbar” as he will be known, said in a press conference in Gainesville earlier today(while wearing a Blue and Orange checkered Taqiyah)
“I feel that I have achieved all my goals that the New Testament Christian God wanted me to accomplish, been apart of 2 National Championship Teams, won the Heisman, and I wanted to do something a little bit different for my Senior year. I also feel that since I have been the ultimate Christian, I wanted to try my hand at another religion and see how that works. Islam seems like the religion of choice for boxing greats, and basketball greats, and a few football greats, and I thought, ‘Why not me?’, here on the college level. I am gonna start all my games with a ’Allah Akbar! Death to the Infidels of the SEC! ’and go out and try to roast as many stomachs in the end zone as I can, especially the Great Satan Nick Saban.
My goal is to run out of bounds near the King of Hell and behead him before people know he is dead, and impale it on the First Down Marker. Oh yes, this will happen, God willing, Allah Akbar! I am the Warrior of Allah!” Khalil said as he repeated it seven times before members of the A/V club pulled the plug.
Many fans that attended the conference were intially stunned, then once they accepted that Tim Tebow is now know as Khalil El-Akbar, many rushed out to convert to Islam. The President of the University of Florida said that sales of the checkered Orange and Blue Ghutrah with the number 15 sewn on top have skyrocketed, and that plans are now to build a rather large Mosque for Khalil to worship. “Tim,err, I mean Khalil, has done so much for the university, that I feel its the least we can do in his last year at school, and according to Khalil, his last days on earth.”
Paul Finebaum said he “wasnt shocked” and that the player formerly known as “Tebow, could do no wrong in many Florida fans eyes, and that this could be a great opportunity to be the first man to win two Heismans, under two separate names and two separate faiths, and be the first, and last, Islamic Republican, if Khalil decides to live til the end of his senior year after he wins the award, then we will see, many think that if he can get close enough to all of the on-air talent at ESPN,(especially Dana Jacobson) he may very well blow them all up and leave a hole that goes to the depths of Hell, or Lee Corso’s basement.”

Mr. PP @ #10…well I guess that means we’re rockin’ the casbah…how many virgins does death net you?

Pelican-

Sick KE-A on Mike Patrick & Chris Berman first. Leave Pam “Marnie” Ward for last. She’s far more dangerous. Especially if he’s wearing red.

Don’t forget Barkevious Mingo along with Shaved Beaver. That will double the absurdity.

#12
Unfortunately, Islamic Suicide bombers only get one mission. Tebow would be the exception.

Chase Daniels nickname from henceforth shall be “Hot Pockets!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkl4Y0sxerQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9c9lAfXQHs

dammit PSUrob- beat me to it…

If Tebow was muslim, was a terrorist, and did suicide bomb something, what good would that do? what the hell is he going to do with 72 virgins? Give them a high-five?

Huh-huh… “Beaver.” Huh-huh.

Who the hell would want 72 virgins? Aside from uncomfortable sex, wouldn’t that come with 72 mothers in law?

Mr. Rolle is very articulate.

Impressively so.

Dr. Brundy, best description of a mother in law and step mother was from a guy who called them his monster in law and step monster.

methinks the rise in the Humanitarian Bowl ratings had less to do with Maryland and more to do with the move from New Year’s Eve to Dec. 30.

Trucker Two Times says he is a Roads Scholar, too.

Dr Bundy @ 19 – it depends, statistically speaking some of those 72 mothers-in-law would be MILFy and if you’re already in for 72 virgins, why not for anywhere up to 72 of their mothers?

Even if the MILF factor was zero, I’ve got to think that the by-laws are probably set up to minimize the amount of yap you’d have to listen to. It’s not like anyone who would come up with the 72 virgin clause would also mandate quality time for “talking about our relationship,” “working on our communication,” and “72 reasons you aren’t good enough for my daughter.”

Therral Hatfield of the Indiana State Sycamores thinks the McCoys can go ta’ hell. He will cut you if you evah’ step foot in Terre Haute.

Mormons dont have to wait til death to have 72 virgins. Thats why we hate Utah.(Besides getting whooped)

Shout out to my new medical anthropology foobaa man Myron Rolle! Call me if you need an advisor!

It’s not terrorism if it’s with El-Akbar.

Orson only wishes Colt will leave.

If not, then next year’s NC might be a matchup between the two most holy christians EVAR (even moreso than Jeebus)! How would God choose?