FULMER CUP 2009: GET YOUR CRIME ON

Love the theme song.

I also think the multiplier is a good idea. Perhaps the charges could also be consolidated in cases like Jimmy John’s. It seemed a bit of overkill to give points for each count in what was essentially one big crime.

Possession of 100 pounds of marijuana is a totally different thing

Reuben Houston disagrees with you, and is willing to go to Court to settle the dispute.

And as a Georgia fan, I note the following equation:
(Multiplier for repeated petty conduct) + (anal retentiveness of Athens-Clarke County police) =
Bulldogs winning the Fulmer Cup.

As Denny Green would likely say, you might as well go ahead and crown our ass.

So basically we’re using something akin to the now defunct Grady v. Corbin “same conduct” double jeopardy test with this multiplier.

Good to see my law degree finally paying off. Unfortunately it isn’t paying off my loans.

God bless whomever made this fantastic theme song!

Also note, there should be bonus points for getting kicked off a team for “Facebook or MySpace Stupidity”…or having your own website pimping your blossoming Pit Bull operation……just sayin’………cause CityBoyz Inc was a brilliant idea……..and stacks of cash in any photo for the student athlete will always go unnoticed by the admin….file it under “would have gotten away with it had it not been for you meddling cyberkids”

“Woooooo! The Ful-mah Cuuu-uup!”

Would it be wrong if that ends up on my iPod?

And, there should be at least 5 bonus points for being first on the board……my money is on Miami…….
can the Wizard of Odds give us some odds on the over/under for teams?

Is this the year that DickRod shows that Michigan has the leaders and the best? Or will his former group of miscreants at WfV out-point his underperformers?

Does the Cup begin after the MNC, or at the end of a team’s season?

I like the new scoring system. Possibilities abound with the recidivism hammer.

“They got a name for people like you. That name is recidivism. Repeat Offender! Not a pretty name, is it?”

I am also looking forward to seeing more pictures of players posing with big stacks of cash this off-season.

Got a new sheriff in town. Let’s see if he has instilled any fear into the good guys in orange. I do feel we are at a disadvantage though, because his players have never actually witnessed him get pissed off and make them all run 100’s until they puke. So they don’t know if they need to worry about the whole “discipline” thing or not.

We shall soon find out what kind of disciplinarian Gene Chizik will be at Auburn. Hopefully the bland days of Tuberville are over in the Fulmer Cup!

#10
Athletic Director to Coach of accused players: You’re not just tellin’ us what we wanna hear?
Coach: : No sir, no way
AD: You’re team is just hurting itself with this rambunctious behavior
Board of Trustee: ‘Cause we just want to hear the truth.
Coach: Well, then I guess I am tellin’ you what you wanna hear.
AD: Boy, didn’t we just tell you not to do that?
Coach : Yessir.
Board of Trustee: OK then…….

2 weeks later:

Thuggish football player : I ain’t like that no more. I’m a changed man. You were right, I was wrong. We got a team here, I’m gonna start acting responsibly. So let’s go, Homey!(sound of shotgun being cocked) Let’s go get win the FULMER CUP!……

uhhhh…lets go win…dammit…..

This really is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year…..

Two questions:

1) What would “discharging a weapon on school property” warrant? Is that a basic one-pointer?

2) Related to MPP’s Facebook Stupidity question…do we award points for any nude pictures that turn up on said sites that result in disciplinary measures, and do we award bonus points if they are indeed hung like Reggie Fuckin’ Nelson (and by contrast, taking away points if they’re, you know, NOT).

Of course the ad at the bottom of the post is “The U.S. government gives away $10 billion a month in grants, funded by your tax money.”

I can’t wait for the Marky M remix.

HA! I knew my fear of Samoans was warranted….many Bama fans thought that USC got all of the islands warriors…..maybe not……..
Urban Meyer said this in a press conference yesterday…
“Utah isn’t going away,” Meyer said. “If you just evaluate that program you keep hearing the word BCS conferences. I can’t think of many schools that are better than Utah. As far as the toys they have, as far as the facilities, resources and alumni, recruiting base, Polynesian culture. When you hear BCS conference that means nothing to a lot of coaches like myself.”

I knew they were shipping in the Polynesians, I knew it!!!

Georgia is going to scoot away with it this year thanks to the multiplier. “Suspended License? CHECK!” “Driving wrong way down one way street at 6 am? DOUBLE CHECK!” Not to mention the open container violations in apartment building parking lots, getting caught for underage drinking while hailing a cab that turns out to be a cop, and the best and worthiest of all: passing out drunk on a toilet at one of the finer downtown drinkeries.

Yeah, Orson has the fix in on the Dawgs. We just can’t live that dance down can we?

Even with the multiplier, Alabama would have won last year. Jimmy John is legend.

Swindle, instead of a force multiplier, isn’t it time to just go ahead and designate “random shit involving a moped” a distinct category? Georgia rolls in either scenario, but tabulation seems easier with the latter.

Points records will be shattered this year. Can we call the pre multiplier era the dead balls era or something like that? I’m sure Penn State will be in the running this year, and with these multipliers I expect them to contend.

is it just me or can I get a “halleluhah” for the fixing of the response threads? If this sticks I can save about 1000 keystrokes before spring practice

now that Fat Phil has been shuffled off this mortal SEC coil isn’t it time we renamed the Fulmer Cup after the newest and most lawless program in the SEC.

THE MEYER CUP.

OH… and Chizik has brought in Robert Baker to consult on player status regarding the Fulmer Cup

You are the MAN, W.C.

One of my New Year’s hopes has come true.

jarvis moss, marcus thomas, avery atkins, brandon james, riley cooper, dorian munroe, ronnie wilson, dusty doe, dallas baker, jacques rickerson, cam newton, and of course who can forget jamar hornsby? it’s like a little JV version of the Bengals down there in Gainsville.

i know i’m forgetting some shit too..

Wait.

Did you fix this, Chiziken? Am I confused?

No and yes, I’m guessing.

@23 Agreed. The comments are so much easier to read this way.

Hey suicidewatch…want your shoelaces back?

Fine work DevilGrad on the 2009 preview. The writing in it was certainly worthy of being included on EDSBS.

Considering South Carolina just added to its staff (although still not officially) Duce Staley, a guy that used to pass out bullets to his NFL teammates before each game and who also happens to do a Columbia-area radio spot for Cockspur Rum….the Gamecocks are probably a preseason Top 10 contender.

How did you do that?

If the Cincinnati Bearcats football team wants to really catch up to the basketball program during its Bob Huggins-led heydey, now’s the time to do it.

At one point the basketball team had – in fairly quick succession – charges for a player punching a police horse and a torture charge when one player tied ANOTHER MEMBER OF THE TEAM to a chair and burnt him with a coat hangar (heated with an iron, of course) while demanding his money back.

Brian Kelly, let’s see you earn that money!

Thank GOD! I thought this day would never arrive. All Hail the Fulmer Cup. Also thanks for the new comment format. I always hated having to click “view all.”

As a potential rule update, how about bonus points for anyone commiting a crime that has first “thanked God” during an interview or wears bible scripture on their eye black. I think hypocrisy is worth at least two points.

Can we just rename Level 1 offences “The Georgia Special”?

Damn you, Swindle. I’ll have that tune in ringing in my head until late August. It is truly a Real Work Of Musical Genius.

1. - Re: Reuben Houston

1. He never had possession
2. Pled guilty to conspiracy to receive and distribute, but conspiracy was all they could nail on him, since he
backed out of the deal on the way to the pickup.
3. It was only 92 pounds :)

I’m not sure how to read the application of the new bonus points rule.
Orson, given this scenario, which of these scoring summaries is accurate?

Florida State has 3 DBs that get hauled out of Chubby’s for FnDC in January. 6 points assigned.
In February, one LB is arrested for cocaine trafficking. 7 points assigned for the assorted charges.
In March, a QB is arrested for DUI and resisting arrest. 5 points.
In April, two RBs are arrested for assault. 5 points.
In May, a K is hauled into court for unpaid traffic tickets. 1 point.
In June, 2 DBs get back into trouble at Chubby’s. 6 points.
Total: 30 points before bonuses.
Is the grand total 45 points (30+4+5+6=45)? Or is it only 36 points (30+6=36)?
Also, let us say charges are dropped for the coke. Does the additional point (or 6) for 3+ incidents come off as well?

I’m just glad college football has a championship that doesn’t involve the opinions of a bunch of peckerhead sportswriters and SIDs.

Finally I can pull for the UGAg Bull Puppies!!! Since they let the pre season NC slip thru their hands I know they will take this with the Honor of Mark Richt sticking his head in the ground like an ostrich and he can say I saw/heard nuthin….

Sweet, something to do during the boring off season.

Thank you Jebus (and Orson) for fixing the comments! This site just got 1000% better, which is like when athletes say they are giving 110%, which in reality is impossible, but I digress.

I am in favor of the Multiplier scoring, but only if we can rename it the ACC Open Container Multiplier or the Mudcat Elmore’s Car Bonus.

I love the multiplier rule. It levels the playing field and brings more parity to the festivities. Alabama, Tennessee, and Da U can’t be too excited about the rule, though.

Lawdawg, I agree that the multiplier should have a sponsorship title. Something like “Repeat Offender Quotient (ROQ) sponsered by The Ferentz School of Social Graces Training”.

I got UCLA +6 points over the field.

I like W f’n V to return with another strong off season. I’ll take WFV (-2) over Mizzou.

How about the “Alcoholic Town Helps Elevate the Naughty Score”, or “ATHENS” Multiplier for short?

I think Alabama will be a no show this year….I think the Utes exorcised any and all demons that may have wanted to commit crimes in the offseason by beating the crap outta them. Plus the getting embarrassed like that, most wont be going out in public….
I am taking Miami, Da U version 2.0, this year by 5….South Beach, young kids and a lil fame + points multiplier Dade County thugs= recipe for FC points in bundles…..

BBS,
I would call it the “Trucker Two Times Points Accelerator”, sponsored by Vince and Sham-Wow,……" cause we can’t do this all day."

what is this i see???
comments just appearing on their own?
i owe somebody (this war chiziken, perhaps?) 1000 cocktails!
or maybe just a hallelujah!

Happy Christmahannukwanzaaka, everyone!

dammit.
-ugh

I wish we could get someone to place odds on which school will win. Basing the odds should be a combination of past performance, coach’s reputations, recruits and player’s reputations and past performaces (The Cedric Benson / Pacman Jones / Randy Moss effect), and of course returning players and JuCo transfers. A fantasy draft and league could be nice too. Vegas taking actual bets on it should be the overall goal.

Here’s to Texas getting off the schnide and earning some points. I still say we earned points based off of Cedric Benson’s 2 DWI’s (in a 10 day period), boat cop beat down, getting cut from the Bears, and then getting signed by the Bengals and making them look good (meaning not making people want to vomit).

I’m worried about our team after next season if we don’t get some kids with some troubled pasts in here soon. I don’t want to be Stanford.

Hook ’Em!

2:45 A. M. S. Lumpkin St.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=7119602

I take no credit for changing the way the responses are posted… maybe just first to note they have been changed by some greater nerd than me

bless you whoever that may be… and bless you little Orson for punching through the work order

The only rule I would add is that if Tebow himself is indicted for ANY crime it’s a 50-point bonus for Florida and a 25-point bonus for Ohio University (Brennaman’s alma mater).

I’d think the Orange would be safely out of the running, since there’s absolutely nothing to do in Syracuse, and given the GRob-era awfulness, the team could be entirely comprised of serial killers and no one would know, but Iowa and Penn State have shown that being in the middle of nowhere isn’t a disqualifier.