The final blogpoll, with added commentary by Dr. Gregory House.

Rank Team Delta
1 Florida 25
2 Utah 24
3 Southern Cal 23
4 Texas 22
5 Oklahoma 21
6 Penn State 20
7 Alabama 19
8 Texas Tech 18
9 Ohio State 17
10 Oregon 16
11 Boise State 15
12 Mississippi 14
13 Virginia Tech 13
14 Georgia 12
15 Oklahoma State 11
16 Iowa 10
17 Oregon State 9
18 Cincinnati 8
19 Florida State 7
20 Missouri 6
21 TCU 5
22 Georgia Tech 4
23 West Virginia 3
24 LSU 2
25 Brigham Young 1

Dropped Out:

Utah at number two?

house

I see we have some daddy issues to work out. Sure, you think they could beat USC. And I could out-hustle a Tasmanian jew in game of three-card monte. You gave Alabama sedatives. Don’t lie to me. The screens will show it. I’m just sitting here seeing how far you’ll take a lie before we have to come in and save you from your own lying mouth. Don’t try to to take me for a ride. I usually pay to have that done by the hour, if you know what I mean. And what I mean is that I use prostitutes. Expensive ones.

Texas Tech that high? Now I know you’re doing drugs. Was it toner? Cheap, virtually untraceable? Or is the tumor in your head you’ve been hiding all these years that made you do it? Yes, I’m an addict, the most coherent, well-composed addict you’ve ever seen who never misses a day of work for the convenience of plotline. Nevermind that the real pill addicts you know spend days in bed at a time and couldn’t properly diagnose the source of their own farts. Perhaps you just think only losing to Oklahoma and Ole Miss means something. Then again, you would, since losers like you like to make dignified math of their losses.

You don’t have lupus. It’s not lupus. Also, your tie’s ugly, and your wife knows you’re cheating.

2-dr-house-t-shirt-galerie

Hand me a dry-erase marker. You need TCU higher, as they dusted the Boise State team you have ranked so preciously high. Only a fool would miss that, but you are Armenian, and demonstrating random and extremely specific racist tendencies as I do, I’ll just say that’s not surprising given your tendencies. (Agreed–that’s just random error.) Georgia Tech over LSU–now you’re just being retarded, and am calling the nurses to put corks on all of your forks to keep you from eating your own eyeballs.

What could cause someone to be so stupid?

chase

Chase: Sarcoid. It’s got to be sarcoid.

Dr. House: You always say that, Kangaroo Jack. I’m guessing you put this blogpoll together on the morning after the national title game and are just now realizing what a colossal mistake it is, right? RIGHT? Don’t lie to me. I’m trying to save your life.

If you need me, I’ll be in my office drinking a bottle of scotch, popping pills, considering the dark mysteries of the universe to a classic rock song, and playing with an enormous tennis ball.