BLOGPOLL FINAL: HOUSE, MD EDITION

by Orson on Jan 12, 2009 1:58 PM EST

The final blogpoll, with added commentary by Dr. Gregory House.

Rank	Team	Delta

1	Florida	25
2	Utah	24
3	Southern Cal	23
4	Texas	22
5	Oklahoma	21
6	Penn State	20
7	Alabama	19
8	Texas Tech	18
9	Ohio State	17
10	Oregon	16
11	Boise State	15
12	Mississippi	14
13	Virginia Tech	13
14	Georgia	12
15	Oklahoma State	11
16	Iowa	10
17	Oregon State	9
18	Cincinnati	8
19	Florida State	7
20	Missouri	6
21	TCU	5
22	Georgia Tech	4
23	West Virginia	3
24	LSU	2
25	Brigham Young	1

Dropped Out:

Utah at number two?

house

I see we have some daddy issues to work out. Sure, you think they could beat USC.

And I could out-hustle a Tasmanian jew in game of three-card monte. You gave Alabama sedatives. Don't lie to me. The screens will show it. I'm just sitting here seeing how far you'll take a lie before we have to come in and save you from your own lying mouth. Don't try to to take me for a ride. I usually pay to have that done by the hour, if you know what I mean. And what I mean is that I use prostitutes. Expensive ones.

Texas Tech that high? Now I know you're doing drugs. Was it toner? Cheap, virtually untraceable? Or is the tumor in your head you've been hiding all these years that made you do it? Yes, I'm an addict, the most coherent, well-composed addict you've ever seen who never misses a day of work for the convenience of plotline. Nevermind that the real pill addicts you know spend days in bed at a time and couldn't properly diagnose the source of their own farts. Perhaps you just think only losing to Oklahoma and Ole Miss means something. Then again, you would, since losers like you like to make dignified math of their losses.

You don't have lupus. It's not lupus. Also, your tie's ugly, and your wife knows you're cheating.

2-dr-house-t-shirt-galerie

Hand me a dry-erase marker. You need TCU higher, as they dusted the Boise State team you have ranked so preciously high. Only a fool would miss that, but you are Armenian, and demonstrating random and extremely specific racist tendencies as I do, I'll just say that's not surprising given your tendencies. (Agreed--that's just random error.) Georgia Tech over LSU--now you're just being retarded, and am calling the nurses to put corks on all of your forks to keep you from eating your own eyeballs.

What could cause someone to be so stupid?

chase

Chase: Sarcoid. It's got to be sarcoid.

Dr. House: You always say that, Kangaroo Jack. I'm guessing you put this blogpoll together on the morning after the national title game and are just now realizing what a colossal mistake it is, right? RIGHT? Don't lie to me. I'm trying to save your life.

If you need me, I'll be in my office drinking a bottle of scotch, popping pills, considering the dark mysteries of the universe to a classic rock song, and playing with an enormous tennis ball.

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Comments

this poll sucks. just saying.

by suicidewatch on Jan 12, 2009 2:18 PM EST reply actions

I picture Urban Meyer as the Coaching version of House:

House: "Good news is, he’s running out of organs to fail. "

House: "So syphilis prevents domestic violence? I’m gonna be even more attractive to the ladies. "
House: "A blowup doll would be more useful; and yes, that’s the first time I’ve implied something negative about a blowup doll. "

House: "If he had a brain, he wouldn’t be taking the Bar. "

And my fav:
House: [to a man waking up from a 10 year vegatative state] “…We use recyclable clothes now. Wear them once, then eat them.”
Vegatative State Guy: “You know what? I didn’t let you come along so you could suck all the fun out of my one day of life.”
House: “Well, you’re out of luck, ‘cause that’s totally why I’m here.”

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 12, 2009 2:19 PM EST reply actions

- Strong retort

by DanF on Jan 12, 2009 2:28 PM EST reply actions

Hey, don’t bother to read the critical text following the poll. Just sayin’.

by Orson Swindle on Jan 12, 2009 2:29 PM EST reply actions

I thought the placement of Utah at 2 was simply a tribute to one of Gary Busey’s finest scenes.

by Tater Salad on Jan 12, 2009 2:43 PM EST reply actions

being self aware of one’s own blogpoll shortcomings doesn’t take anything away from the overall suck-a-tude. that being said, an enjoyable critique all the same. but it still sucks and House can’t save it for you.

just saying.

by suicidewatch on Jan 12, 2009 2:44 PM EST reply actions

No VANDY!!! the year of their greatest glory deserves some blogpollin’ love. just ignore the fact they can’t beat anyone who doesn’t turn the ball over 800 times a game.

by Vandy4Ever on Jan 12, 2009 2:48 PM EST reply actions

I think Utah at 2 is far more defensible than TTU that high or TCU that low. I sympathize with what you’re trying to do here (go on a team’s resume for the entire season, rather than just their bowl performance) but you can’t justify those two placements, witty self-criticism or none.

by gosouthgohard on Jan 12, 2009 2:51 PM EST reply actions

Clearly Nick Saban didn’t have time for Utah’s bullshit.

by swampchomp on Jan 12, 2009 3:07 PM EST reply actions

Well I’ll go ahead and say it now and save you from it later:
2009-BAMA’S BACK Except we really really mean it this time!!!

But seriously, my money is on 9-3 regular season or 8-4….if we run the ball all the time or pass it without many pick-6’s….toss up games to be LSU/Ole Miss/Arky/VT…..should have over 90k at a spring game just outta being curious about the new QB and additions from new recruits….Rueben Randal is ours….
LSU fans simma down now and have a corn dog…

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 12, 2009 3:28 PM EST reply actions

All I wanna know is, when did Chase find the time to be on Top Chef?

by Brian O'Blivion on Jan 12, 2009 3:40 PM EST reply actions

Aside from my pissing and moaning about the bottom of that poll being garbage, I give you this:

http://www.rumblo.com/cc/comics/cc-houseandwilson.png

by Whohah on Jan 12, 2009 4:37 PM EST reply actions

Considering the Big 12 south were exposed as frauds, I really don’t see Texas Tech deserving a top 10 ranking.

One quality win (Texas) is not enough.

by oc phil on Jan 12, 2009 5:56 PM EST reply actions

Christ.

My wife is hooked on that show. USA network seems to be showing reruns of it 24/7. One miserable, grouchy, annoying bastard (me) in our living room at any given time is enough.

Of course, the fact that she finds such a loathsome character compelling does offer insight into why she married me…

by GeronimoRumplestiltskin on Jan 13, 2009 1:05 PM EST reply actions