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January 8, 2009

NECESSARY THINGS: T-MINUS NINE HOURS

A few necessary things before we head out to the stadium and run out of battery power:

–Smart Football has your brain food for the game.

–If, at any point tonight, we can type the phrase “Florida is three moves away from the anus,” it will have been a truly great evening.

If Brandon Spikes sacks Bradford, he will do it saying “I am like Spider-Man.”

To the stadium.

Filed under: College football by Orson Swindle

[ 30 Replies ]

30 Responses to “NECESSARY THINGS: T-MINUS NINE HOURS”

1

Mr.Pelican Pants says:

I would like to see Brandon Spikes punting out of the end zone again. He is the best 5 step black punter I have ever seen. He punts like my dad used to while wearing steel toed boots in the back yard, simply punts it way outta the yard, I have go into my neighbors yard to go get it, then he promptly goes inside and jumps in the recliner and so when I come back from fetching the ball , I feel all empty inside since he has purposely disappeared……also, he would do that with when we were throwing the baseball, when he got tired of it, he would simply say “Hey! line drive!” then zing it about 100 ft over my head, I had to run a mile to chase it, and then he goes inside, jumps in the recliner and goes to sleep. I never understood that til I had kids…..and I now know why he had a garage with a TV and a refrigerator stocked to the gills with beer—to get away from EVERYBODY……..

January 8th, 2009 at 11:44 am
2

Brian O'Blivion says:

re: Parking. From experience, pay the $25 – $35 (or whatever exorbitant rate) to park in South Beach. I went there during my college days and tried to park in what looked like a good spot to me, and ended up paying $400 to get my car from an impound lot at 6 am. Not fun.

January 8th, 2009 at 11:52 am
3

WarCardinals says:

Enjoy the game tonght, Orson. This Auburn fan is pulling hard for your Gators.

January 8th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
4

Harvey Wireman says:

Flowery-ones: 38
Okies: 17

Cops: Take the overs on this one!

January 8th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
5

Harvey Wireman says:

Explanation to Bumpkins: Florida means “flowers” en espanool.

January 8th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
6

DevilGrad says:

In that case, then, for the benefit of educating us bumpkins, shouldn’t you have referred to Oklahoma as the “red people”?

January 8th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
7

Anonymous IV says:

The story of the Oklahoma girl crying made me laugh. I am sure that she is now a working girl at some stable or as a drug mule.

January 8th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
8

Geaux Irish says:

Re #6

The population of West (F’n!) Virginia would like to have a word with you.

January 8th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
9

OhioDawg says:

We’re all pulling for you, Swindle, even if we aren’t pulling for the Gators. Can’t believe the season’s almost over. Also can’t believe Stafford is going to the NFL. BUMMER.

January 8th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
10

Seven Years in Gainesville says:

#7 — She just wanted to make it snow. Also, she’ll sweep the floor.
It’ssofunnyit’snotfunnyit’snotfunny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Sd-j0rKeKw

January 8th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
11

Mich-Placed Gator says:

#10,
If she REALLY wanted snow in Miami, it certainly would not be hard….

January 8th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
12

Stockman says:

Butterflies already. Go Gators.

January 8th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
13

etsuVol says:

Meh, Gators! MEEEEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

January 8th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
14

Sparrow says:

etsuVol –

I may be misremembering, but aren’t you on notice for that kind of language?

January 8th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
15

DevilGrad says:

Less than nine hours now ’til the start of the Fulmer Cup season.

January 8th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
16

Anonymous IV says:

#10 that was funny. I am sure that she will look back on this and laugh someday.

January 8th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
17

Mr.Pelican Pants says:

About the girl wanting to make it snow, the only way to make her snap out of it is to do this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irNKHSbKqL8

January 8th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
18

Brian O'Blivion says:

Here is what I hope Oklahoma fans will be saying tonight after the game.

January 8th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
19

Brian O'Blivion says:

Fuck, I meant this one. Fuck.

January 8th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
20

An 'eer with a beer says:

Better beat OU by more than 20, otherwise WVU is better than you.

We set the bar high, baby.

January 8th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
21

GamecockTony says:

I’d just like to say go Oklahoma (+5) and DEEEE-FENSE (under 70).

January 8th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
22

Mich-Placed Gator says:

Harvin re-injures ankle and betting lines increase to Florida being a 6 point favorite….wow!

January 8th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
23

OhioDawg says:

Now for something completely different:

A new level of douchebaggery from some politician named Joe Barton in Texas:

If passed, this bill would “prohibit, as an unfair and deceptive act or practice, the promotion, marketing, and advertising of any post-season NCAA Division I football game as a national championship game unless such game is the culmination of a fair and equitable playoff system.”

Joe, don’t you have something better to do with your time?

What a complete fucking idiot. Everyone who wants a playoff – this is the kind of asshat you’ve got on your side.

January 8th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
24

ronald says:

Hey, Orson,

Small potatoes to you right now I’m sure, but I was listening earlier to a thoroughly heart-broken Scott Van Pelt, crying into his milkshake at the Diner because he was stood up by Orson Swindle. Tragic story. Enjoy yourself tonight.

Rooting for a meteor to annihilate both teams and fan bases, but hoping that you and your wife miraculously escape,
Ronald

January 8th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
25

Sundawg says:

Go SEC East! Beat the Wagoneers! {Why, Lord, do I get stuck pulling for Florida? Haven’t we been punished enough?}

January 8th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
26

the ex-croominator says:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/28562604#28562604

And again, Obama thinks a playoff makes more sense, and thinks at least FIVE teams could lay a claim to the title (Fla, Okla, TX, USCw and Utah). Tthis is the most political thing I’ll ever say in this blog, but I hope to GOD fixing the college football championship system is the biggest challenge he ever has to face.

Now, because a win will make Ole Miss look better, GATOR CHOMP!

January 8th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
27

dirt sanwich says:

good luck tonight. i hate florida but not as much as i like this site.

January 8th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
28

@23 says:

@23

I’ll take the other side of both of those bets all day…

January 8th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
29

Mr.Pelican Pants says:

Fearless Prediction:
Florida :45
Big Game Bag O’ Dicks Nom Nom Nom:21

Tebow: 21/27 375 yrds 2 Td’s passing, 2 rushing TD’s, one fumble

Harvin: 250 all purpose yrds…2 Td’s, 1 receiving/ 1 rush before injury in 2nd quarter….

Def/Special Teams: 1 TD via kickoff return….one TD is from Brandon Spikes……

January 8th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
30

Pete says:

Tim Tebow is going to lead the Gators to victory! Go Gators! http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/

January 8th, 2009 at 8:05 pm