EDSBS » 2009 » January

A DRIVE-BY…MIAMI STYLE (YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!)

We’re off to the airport for Miami with the speed of angels driving a MARTA train, hoping to witness something as cold…as ice [/puts on sunglasses YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!] in our beloved mythical national title game. With any luck, we’ll be waving a fistful of dollars at a cockfight by 1 a.m.

Filed under: ALL THAT YOU KNOW IS AT AN END, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, blatant homerism, bowld and the beautiful by Orson Swindle

[ 21 Replies ]

THE WRATH OF QUAN

Submitted without comment by LSUFreek:

Filed under: Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, freekery by Orson Swindle

[ 13 Replies ]

CURIOUS INDEX, 1/6/09

So excited he’s stroking out. Guz Malzahn, caffeine achiever.

There, but basically gone. It’s all quiet at BC after Jeff Jagodzinski was threatened with a firing following the mere possibility of an interview with the Jets, but count him as gone, because once you bring up the idea of seeing other people and actually get a phone number or two, you’re freelancing and buying condoms for the wrong, wrong reasons. BC’s probably just looking at this point to jettison Jags, promote former ECU coach Steve Logan to the head job, and dispense with the awkwardness of discussing their current coach in the past tense–as the athletic director did yesterday.

Disrespect, only 1.49 a gallon. Offense and disrespect are cheap as salt, but hey, if it gets the troops going GRRRRRR and stomping around nastily, then good for you.

90 percent of 110 percent awesome is…um… Percy’s at 90 percent, meaning he will still be faster than almost anyone on the field, but also that in the middle of a play you may hear the noise of high-tension cables snapping, watch Harvin crumple to the ground, and then see Harvin’s foot fly across the field, driven from his leg by the force of the terrible structural failure you just watched on national television.

We suck, but we’re ready! It’s good to be positive, even in the face of overwhelming evidence.

Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football by Orson Swindle

[ 12 Replies ]

LUKE POEHLMANN HAS BEAUTIFUL HAIR

Matt Vasgersian all but audibly giggled at Luke Poehlmann’s hair last night. You may not know his name, but you will remember the fantastic WWF sex cowl he wore last night on the Texas sidelines at the Fiesta Bowl.

You say Colt McCoy won that game. We say Poehlmann’s oily, floppy coiffure and asskicking towel-waving did it. Fox’s cameramen made many an error last night, but the one who kept drifting back to that Tijuana Nightlife Helmet? He’s all right in our book.

Filed under: Big 12 Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, bowld and the beautiful by Orson Swindle

[ 20 Replies ]

MACK BROWN, GREAT AMERICAN

Mack Brown’s got balls. The affair is never small. Playing Ohio State–the Big Ten’s last hope for a moment of redemption in a shitheap of a bowl season for them–and having to pull out a last second Colt McCoy touchdown drive out of their well-polished asses for the win over a nine point underdog is dodgy enough.

But immediately taking the mic after the game and using the moment immediately following your late gasp off the mat against a team incinerated by USC to say “We’re number one, and we can beat anyone in the country?” Balls, sir, and a sure sign that Mack Brown may be the next governor of Texas if he so chooses. The governorship of Texas awaits someone so capable of bullshitting so effortlessly and spontaneously after surviving near-disaster.

From one bullshitteer to another, sir: well played. It’ll look better in retrospect, when the memories of how close the Buckeyes came to snagging this game from the dumpster fade…but in the moment? PhD level, TOP SCORE bullshittery. We almost applauded its grandeur.

(Also, we’re glad to be taking a vacation from watching Ohio State football in any form, replay or not. It’s Tressel fatigue, it’s kicked in with a fierceness, and we have no idea how Buckeye fans deal with it. Our Big Ten punching bag auditions are now open, and there are multiple candidates for the gig.)

Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football by Orson Swindle

[ 73 Replies ]