Hakeem Nicks is horrifying. From the Meineke Car Care Bowl, where Bill Stewart kissed Pat White on the forehead, and Hakeem Nicks kissed Drew Rosenhaus’ phone number hello in his inbox.

No-huddle spread missionaries re-sent to Auburn. After the first mission to the region was devoured by natives, the church of the spread will send one of its most seasoned veterans to attempt the conversion of the savage tribes of lower Alabama. Auburn has hired Gus Malzahn as their offensive coordinator, ensuring the future occurrence of a.) editorials wonderin’ what in tha tarnation that fruitcakey offensive “genius” (not our quotes) is doin’ with that dang ol’ fruity offense, and b.) that if Auburn can get up by ten on Ole Miss at any point in the next two years, they will try to get up by forty if they can.

TAWMMY SAYS YOU PILLAH-BITERS NEED to PAY. At least the Patriots would have gotten the Cotton Bowl or something in the college system.

Those damn elitists strike again. The Grey Lady publishes an account of Texas recruiting including this account of a party recruit Jamarkus McFarland attended.

“I will never forget the excitement amongst all participants,” McFarland wrote. “Alcohol was all you can drink, money was not an option. Girls were acting wild by taking off their tops, and pulling down their pants. Girls were also romancing each other. Some guys loved every minute of the freakiness some girls demonstrated. I have never attended a party of this magnitude.”

Bottom line for recruiting blue-chip small-town recruits? Queen Latifah movies are a fuckin’ must. Rebuttal goes hyah.

Steve Addazio, step on up. The Florida offensive line coach will be the new offensive coordinator, and will assume his duties immediately after Dan Mullen calls the national title game. Meyer says little will change staff continuity etcetera we’re a happy family me mom and dad.