BOWL PREVIEW PREVIEWS: ALAMO BOWL
Music: BowchikachikachikachikachikaBOWBOWBowchikachikachikachikachikaBOWBOW…
When a shy girl is hungry, and bored with studying…
…who else is she gonna call but…THE PIZZA BOY?
Shy girl wearing Northwestern sweatshirt: “Yes? I’m hungry for something hot. Now.”
DING. DONG.
Shy girl wearing NW sweatshirt: “I’m not wearing pants. Oh, well, I’m so…hungry…”
Pizza Boy: I heard you needed a Meat Lover’s, and you needed it…now.
ANNOUNCER: He’ll give a smart girl all the learning she can handle. She’ll get it back because, beneath his brusque exterior, this scoring machine has no defense to offer up whatsoever. In the end, though, he’ll deliver all the extra sauce she can handle until she’s full, because in this metaphor you’re supposed to figure out that Northwestern will score but can’t possibly keep up with a fully engorged Mizzou team suffering from the blue balls of failed expectations HOLY ENTANGLED CULINARY GRIDIRON SEXUAL METAPHORS.
Rated NC-17 for overextended sexual conceits and violence. THE PIZZA BOY, from Pinkel Sensual Enterprises and Lawn Care, LTD.
Tagline: The only delivery where you beg for the tip.
The Alamo Bowl is on ESPN at 8:00 p.m. EDT tonight. It is family-safe…we think.
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1
4.0 Point Stance says:
I won’t lie. I’m *just a little bit* aroused.
December 29th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
2
yoyofutbawl says:
Wonderfully disgusting. You just hafta wonder how BAD the NW chick looks (size 14, anyone?) – Evanston aint excatly Athens or Tuscaloosa.
December 29th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
3
Tim says:
@ yoyofutbawl
Neither is Columbia, Missouri, my friend.
December 29th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
4
DC Trojan says:
NW coed: Hello, I’d like to order a delivery. Do you have anyone who can bring me something hot and thick… crust?
Pizza Boy: I think we can serve you deep… dish.
NW Coed: how long… will that take?
Pizza Boy: You have our guarantee, we won’t come… in less than 30 minutes. It’s a guarantee we like to call the Reverse Domino’s.
NW Coed: Oh, I’m so empty, but I don’t want you to fill that hole… for only 30 minutes.
Pizza Boy: Well then you’ll want our two on one special.
Thirty minutes later….
NW Coed: jesus, did you rub that pizza on your head? And why aren’t you wearing any pants? I’m getting a head start on next semester, you fucking pervert!
Pizza Boy: Looks like I’m not getting any sack action tonight…
(promptly gets leveled by Sergio Kindle)
December 29th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
5
Raider Red says:
Just so this isn’t one of the toppings:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEW8_KVhDFE
December 29th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
6
poguemahone says:
You left out the part where the girl weighs 300 lbs due to NW admission requirements. BBW FTW!
December 29th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
7
Signal to Noise says:
Who’s dumb enough to punt right to Jeremy Maclin?
Northwestern, that’s who. All that book learnin’ doesn’t teach you much about the real world, apparently.
December 29th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
8
AuditDawg says:
I just heard an ESPN announcer refer to the “raw athleticism” of Chase Daniel. This is the same guy that’s been carrying that spare donut above his belt the last two years that looks like he’s going to die every time he runs on a 10 yard scramble, right?
December 29th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
9
Holly says:
DCT wins this and every other internet, forever. It’s the Kindle that makes it art.
December 29th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
10
Flatlander says:
You know what this game needs? More shots of Chase Daniels’ family.
December 29th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
11
John says:
I love the guy, but how many times did Ron Franklin say “Australian kick”?
Congrats, Chase Daniel. Enjoy your new role as an NFL third stringer, unless you can somehow pull off a Drew Brees.
December 30th, 2008 at 5:43 am
12
yoyofutbawl says:
3
Stephens College used to get a few Southern hotties, but I assume those days are passed. So, I assume Mizzou is more of a size 10 w/ glasses and residual acne?
December 30th, 2008 at 7:14 am
13
King Harvest says:
I thought that fella with the Domino’s hat on was Ben Rothlesberger, turns out it is just some pizza guy.
December 30th, 2008 at 8:23 am
14
Panhandle Gator says:
@Flatlander #10
At least more shots of his sisters…
December 30th, 2008 at 8:24 am
15
InsaneCoachPosse says:
this post screams out “I need a new bf” Holly… did you not get what you wanted for Christmas?
December 30th, 2008 at 9:58 am
16
InsaneCoachPosse says:
wait a minute…this was written by Orson?
sorry Holly… I should have guessed a beautiful woman like you would be so frustrated as to parse out a piece like this
unless you are posting about TN football
*ducks*
December 30th, 2008 at 10:35 am
17
Middle Manager says:
@6
My office used to be in Evanston, and I think you’d be surprised. It was a sad day indeed when my supervisor (damn her) instructed my Northwestern undergraduate intern to start wearing “more professional” clothes to the workplace. Plus, smart is sexy.
I’m not arguing it’s a Sun Belt state school, but the Purple did give us Cindy Crawford, Jeri Ryan, and Ann-Margret among others.
BTW, anyone who thinks Monday night’s season-low yardage total by Mizzou was a choke job by Chase Daniel needs to take a look at Mike Hankwitz’s curriculum vitae.
December 30th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
18
SausageFest says:
@ Holly & DC Trojan
Correct. Kindle is Man-Crush Extraordinaire. Dear God, I hope he stays for his senior year; watching him take off heads is just TOO MUCH FUN.
December 31st, 2008 at 1:13 pm