INDEPENDENCE BOWL: VIVA LA SHREVEPORT

by Orson on Dec 28, 2008 1:27 PM EST

Remember a different time, reader: a time when the mighty Shreveport Independence Bowl knew real power, and would with its weed-whackered arm beckon esteemed squads from the mid-ranks of the Big 12 and the SEC to parley on its well-fescued field of battle. Lo, did the gods quake at its might, and send freakish weather to stem its power:

Forsooth! The economy hath helped to humble the Independence Bowl, who hath taken Louisiana Tech and Northern Illinois to play the part of Kano and Scorpion to their Shang Tsung this year. Reaaadyy....FIGHT! FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF THE SHREVEPORT-BOSSIER CITY METROPOLITAN AREA!!!

What is Northern Illinois, and should they borrow oxygen tanks from the morbidly obese in the crowd? We don't know, and yes. The Huskies fall firmly into the category of "bowl team-like substance," having finished the season losing three out of four by a combined score of 136-58. Their coach is named Jerry Kill, though, which should be worth two points on the scoreboard in every game. They play defense and wait for the other team to make egregious mistakes, and if you've seen this in action it is just as boring as you imagine it to be.

Louisiana Tech: Creating the Cyborg Crawdad of the Future today. We would mock Louisiana Tech, too, if they hadn't benched aspiring CIA agent A.J. Suggs Taylor Bennett seven games into the season and started sophomore Ross Jenkins instead. They then developed something like a passing game to complement running back Daniel Porter, the only reason you should watch this game. He plays in a respectably nasty fashion, and this bears praise and notice.

Why aren't we at the bowl game, pussy? Not because we are scared of Shreveport, a town we humbly suggested used the floating corpses of cattle passing in the river as a prime source of entertainment last year. No, we've been to scarier places, like Phnom Penh and Miami. The real reason is that Miami is a good kind of scary, and we'd like to charge our expense account to the gills for the 305 and not the 318. The economy affects us all, especially when you plan on racking up several grand in charges billed only to a single line reading "Winston Wolf (he solves problems)" for the national title game.

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Call me when somebody gets they spine pulled out.

by Holly on Dec 28, 2008 1:43 PM EST reply actions

A minor point of correction: Louisiana Tech benched Taylor Bennett (Reggie Ball’s immediate successor at Georgia Tech), not A.J. Suggs (Reggie Ball’s immediate predecessor).

I understand the confusion though: the nondescript, moderately incompetent, extremely white quarterbacks of the Chan Gailey era blur together in the glare of the white-hot falling star of fail that was Reggie Ball.

by gosouthgohard on Dec 28, 2008 1:46 PM EST reply actions

BREAKING NEWS

Auburn hires Gus Malzhan as OC.

by karlhungus12 on Dec 28, 2008 1:55 PM EST reply actions

Well, it’s a splash hire, anyway.

by gurn on Dec 28, 2008 2:10 PM EST reply actions

Randy Shannon is going to wait another couple of extra seconds before thinking about hiring a new OC.

by chaimy4life on Dec 28, 2008 2:51 PM EST reply actions

Alas, I missed our last bowl victory in that Weed Eater Bowl due to girlfriend who preferred Paris to Shreveport. I saw a brief summary of the game on some manner of ESPN Europe the next day in French and laughed my ass off.

by yoyofutbawl on Dec 28, 2008 2:56 PM EST reply actions

I was there for that whole damn miserable game. I couldn’t feel my toes for days. Some A&M fan screwed with our car. At least we won. And I got some free Sharpies.

by jakldawg on Dec 28, 2008 3:09 PM EST reply actions

Well the Independence Bowl hit snake eyes the last two bowls because of Shula-mediocrity and Senior-player-disinterest [post LSU 07 game] at Alabama in 2006 and 2007 respectively. Even for a shitty Bama team, fans travel. Now they get the home town favorite from Rustin and a boring-ass NIU team.

by rgw on Dec 28, 2008 4:33 PM EST reply actions

I-Bowl (gay ass nickname, BTW), that’s what you get for letting the hallowed Music City Bowl trump you in the SEC pecking order. Shell out the caysh next year.

by Raider Red on Dec 28, 2008 4:38 PM EST reply actions

Shreveport/Bossier likes to call itself the buckle of the bible belt. I guess that makes NOLA the zipper?

by DrBundy on Dec 28, 2008 6:47 PM EST reply actions

I’ve been hearing that the PapaJohns.com Bowl in Birmingham may be ready to make a move to replace the SEC bid for the Independence Bowl. Birmingham is in the process of starting a dome stadium project, they obviously want to have some revenue generating events and they’d love nothing better than get the 7-5 or 6-6 Auburn Tigers the next 5-10 years.

by rgw on Dec 28, 2008 7:57 PM EST reply actions

Pam Ward’s broadcasting this game. Appropos, no?

by Studley on Dec 28, 2008 8:02 PM EST reply actions

She’s a man. She’s 40.

by Raider Red on Dec 28, 2008 8:41 PM EST reply actions

Orson should post a thread on

http://www.terrelle-pryor.org/2008/12/26/tp-and-boeckman-to-take-field-together/

on the lines of

http://www.barkingcarnival.com/scipio-tex/tress-gets-his-q-package-on#comment-32642

favorite till now

apartheid’s strong points

by 98 on Dec 28, 2008 11:32 PM EST reply actions

So were not Auburn or Alabama. Tech is a school of 11,000 or so students that has a pretty darn good program without the millions of dollars of other schools. The Independence Bowl was a hell of a game. One with 41,600 spectators- not bad for a crappy mediocre school eh?

by Jo Ellen on Dec 29, 2008 12:59 AM EST reply actions

Pammie said during last night’s telecast that she was in a bar watching the above-mentioned NYE Miss. St. – A&M game, sitting on a barstool.

(Insert your own embellishments here.)

by Studley on Dec 29, 2008 6:38 AM EST reply actions

Jackie Sherrill, being the evil genius that he was, broke out the all-white unis including helmets, making Mississippi State players invisible for most of the game.

by hailstate on Dec 29, 2008 9:22 AM EST reply actions