It’s not Christmas Without the Pub. If only we could have Christmas in a pub while hallucinating, drinking heavily, and playing old Moog synthesizers in front of a massive bonfire. Wait: THAT’S EXACTLY HOW WE PLAN TO CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAY!!! DAMN YOU MCCARTNEY!!!

For Christmas 2011, I want 5 million dollars. If Jimbo Fisher isn’t the head coach at Florida State by 2011, he gets five million dollars from FSU. Bobby Bowden, meanwhile, remains three years younger than Joe Paterno and is saying things like this:

FSU, of course, has not been rolling. But Bowden believes it soon will.

“It’s got to get done,” he said, “and Joe’s kind of a guideline.”

Someday you’ll get this chai-yuh, sonny! YEE-HAAAAWWW!!! And as my successah, ah name MY SON TOMMY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

‘Tis the season for Forgiveness oh to hell with that. To temper the inevitable end-of-year encomiums to the departed, let us recall that just because someone is gone does not necessarily mean their departure is a bad thing. Minnesota Vikings guard and Vol Anthony Herrera, when asked about his biggest regret by the St. Paul Pioneer-Press, said this:

My biggest regret was going to the University of Tennessee. The head coach, Phillip Fulmer, is a very two-faced guy. The side you saw out of him through recruiting wasn’t the side that you saw once you got there. He wasn’t a molder of men. He was just a politician, trying to work his way through.

Tonight, Herrera will be visited by three ghosts…and Jimmy Ray Stephens will be the one who can’t open the door, curses, and then leaves confused and wondering what they were doing in the first place.

That’s not hyperbole at all. Really, Cocky Talk? You’re going to bust out “Slam” by
Pendulum for a 7-5 team? Is it legal to crack out the drum and bass for the Outback Bowl? There must be rules about this sort of thing, especially about using such fast music when playing a Big Ten team (it will confuse and frighten them.) The real video for Pendulum’s song–seemingly made for highlight videos–is not at all what you think it would be.

He’s a hockey player, so he’ll lay there and bleed stoically. Two Michigan State football players will be charged in the assault of a hockey player. Misdemeanor assault and battery charges all around, but it’s okay, as both players were properly dressed and on-time, something Mark Dantonio has stressed to his team.