Tressel should wear that hat all the time. From Spawn of MZone:

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Terrelle Pryor’s extremely serious “I’m an artist and a dancer, but saying both is really redundant” look on his face makes that especially delightful.

Because we know you’re a whore. Bobby Petrino’s buyout? Yours thanks to the hard-filing fingers of Arkansas fans who now may recite the Freedom of Information Act by heart:

A copy of Petrino’s 39-page contract was obtained from the university by the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette on Monday through Freedom of Information Act requests.

Petrino’s buyout is unusual in that it is scaled, decreasing with each year of his contract. The first year is a ballbreaker, though: $8.75 million, though Charlie Weis’ buyout laughed at your buyout in the locker room, Arkansas, and suggested your girlfriend would prefer his enormous one instead.

Middle-aged columnists on the loose, vol one! Mike Bianchi says George O’Leary has to go following the collapse and kidney failure of running back Brandon Adams in drills, a chilling event given UCF player Ereck Plancher’s death during conditioning drills this past offseason. Really, O’Leary’s just like the abusive drunk rage-fiending Irish grandfather you never had, running you until your kidneys fall out of your ass. Fire him, and you’ll lose the chance to be an Irish novelist!

Middle-aged columnists on the loose, vol two! Paul Finebaum calls Auburn AD Paul Jacobs a “buffoon” for the discombobulated job search at Auburn.

I have spoken with countless athletic directors over the years and all of the good ones have lists in their desk drawers of prospective candidates. Apparently, the only thing Jacobs has in his top left drawer is a bag of Gummi Bears.

In Jacobs’ defense, Gummi Bears are delicious. So are stories of Auburn board members making independent efforts to hire a coach without consulting the AD or President. By all accounts it is complete anarchy.

Yarr, retraction. Graham Harrell now says Mike Leach will likely stay at Texas Tech.