CURIOUS INDEX, 12/5/08

by Orson on Dec 5, 2008 9:19 AM EST

LOVE HAS ENEMIES. It's Friday, and your depleted soul likely needs inspiration. Adventure. Romance. A guy who looks like anorexic Ben Stiller playing a D 'n D rocker with big dreams, a penchant for pirate shirts and swordplay, but without at annoying Ben Stiller "Look me so clever" smarm. A ship blowing up for no reason. An alligator. A man jumping out of a plume of dragon's fire.

Chris Dane Owens, you fucking genius:

You've just been retaught the meaning of love. You're welcome.

U-Dub gets a former USC assistant. Not bringing Dad. USC offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian will be the next coach at Washington, making him the first half-Irish, half-Armenian head coach in our nation's history. When not starting barfights and railing about the Turks, he will have to rebuild the gutted Washington program from the floor up because it's tore up. He starts the job with as many wins as Ty Willingham had for all of 2008, so that's nice.

Yarr Eagle. Mike Leach excused himself from the U-Dub coaching search yesterday, but he's very much in the running for the Auburn job, mostly because Auburn runs out of easy answers after they scratch the name "Mike Leach" off the cocktail napkin they are undoubtedly running their football program off of at the moment. Remember: Tubs resigned and all went smoothly, and was most definitely not ousted in a three day slow-motion coup Congolese guerillas would have described as "disorganized." Now come on down, coach PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

Chris Rainey's crotch is hurt. An overuse injury, of course. Meyer says it won't affect him during the game.

Dad! Stop writing the paper! Brian Cockhill (titter), father of fired Wyoming offensive coordinator Bill Cockhill (giggle), actually writes in to the Casper Star-Tribune to demand an apology for his son a year after he was canned and had to go to work in a bank...his dad's bank. No, love can't cloud your ability to judge someone's performance. We think you have a beautiful singing voice, honey.

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an Irish-American head coach… maybe now the Irish Coaches Association can stop complaining so much… I’m sure 1/119 doesn’t represent the actual proportion of players though.

by beckett929 on Dec 5, 2008 9:28 AM EST reply actions

Off topic, I know, but I caught the piece on Timmy this morning.

While I appreciate his commitment, would someone please let him know that “Phil. 4:13” is so cliche. Once graduating highschool, you must come up with something better.

TIA.

by Jesus on Dec 5, 2008 9:38 AM EST reply actions

George O’Leary thinks this is bullshit. No give him 100 pushup you puke.

Also, Orson, you don’t like Kiffykins?

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Dec 5, 2008 9:42 AM EST reply actions

“Rainey is averaging 8 yards per carry, third-best on the team behind Demps (9.6) and Percy Harvin (8.8)”

…can’t the game start NOW!

by Erdinger on Dec 5, 2008 9:46 AM EST reply actions

@2,

What is more, someone should tell Timmy that my book has only one chapter.

by Philemon on Dec 5, 2008 9:47 AM EST reply actions

Rainey and his crotch — Overuse injury indeed. Makes sense why he got caught from behind in the FSU game…he’s been catching too many white girls from behind.

by Rainey's Stable-Mate on Dec 5, 2008 9:51 AM EST reply actions

Did I catch a reference to Citizen Kane or have I been hitting the espresso a bit too much?

by DrBundy on Dec 5, 2008 9:52 AM EST reply actions

I want to know how Orson found that video………..

by Techie on Dec 5, 2008 9:58 AM EST reply actions

yarrrh…. a pirate on the Plains…. sounds good doesn’t it?

alliteration is enough to make Mike cast off for eastern ports

by InsaneCoachPosse on Dec 5, 2008 10:09 AM EST reply actions

The first time I saw that video yesterday I thought it was the intro to some shitty Canadian TV show.
The second time I saw that video yesterday I thought that someone gave this guy way too much money to make a music video.
The third time I saw this video yesterday I thought that I could never take the amount of drugs necessary at one time to make such a masterpiece.
After watching this for several hours yesterday I wondered why the hell can’t all shitty musicians create music videos like this.

by BurritoBrosShits on Dec 5, 2008 10:12 AM EST reply actions

Chris Dane Owens seems to live in a very windy place. That’s about all I got out of that video. Although it did inspire me to invest in hair-care products.

by NativeSon on Dec 5, 2008 10:15 AM EST reply actions

It’s Phillipians, not Philemon

1979 Florida SBC Bible Drill Champion representin!

by Kerwin4two on Dec 5, 2008 10:16 AM EST reply actions

Chris Dane Owens with Pedo-mustache > Chris Dane Owens without Pedo-mustache.

by BurritoBrosShits on Dec 5, 2008 10:20 AM EST reply actions

Also, will Sarkesian be looking to ice Vic Mackey over the Armenian Money Train Robbery?

by Kerwin4two on Dec 5, 2008 10:20 AM EST reply actions

Orson,

Don’t know if you saw this or not:
http://www.tulsaworld.com/sports/article.aspx?subjectid=92&articleid=20081204_231_0_Agridi27810

Some Tx Tech fans are allegedly claiming responsibility, but I think that’s kindof like Hammas claiming responsibility anytime someone in Isreal stubs their toe. As an OU fan, this level of obnoxiousness looks like our work.

by okiedomer on Dec 5, 2008 10:28 AM EST reply actions

@12,

You’re brilliant.

by Philemon on Dec 5, 2008 10:32 AM EST reply actions

Who knew Joe Buck had a recording career?

by Harris on Dec 5, 2008 10:32 AM EST reply actions

These transcend any logical explanation:
http://chrisdaneowens.com/pictures.html

by BurritoBrosShits on Dec 5, 2008 10:43 AM EST reply actions

“When not starting barfights or railing against the Turks,…”

“…a three day slow-motion coup Congolese guearillas’s would have described as ‘disorgonized’…”

by marcillac on Dec 5, 2008 10:49 AM EST reply actions

#12:

Thanks for the clarificaiton, I was racking my brain trying to figure out what #5 was talking about.

by Grady on Dec 5, 2008 10:52 AM EST reply actions

@18…Please put a warning sign on that post. No one is emotionally prepared. Do they make eye bleach?

by Der Schatten on Dec 5, 2008 11:06 AM EST reply actions

Man I love a good Nelson video.

by Bunkie Perkins on Dec 5, 2008 11:11 AM EST reply actions

@ 16: I got it.

High Holy Days Episcopalian: represent!

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Dec 5, 2008 11:14 AM EST reply actions

@ 2, 5, 12, 16, 20, 23

Wait for it….now start swaying

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUVVJoVzhBA

by Ted on Dec 5, 2008 12:11 PM EST reply actions

Does Chris have a groin problem, or a growing problem?… side effects may include slightly less yardage, fewer touchdowns, death, or fewer white women /amazingly condescending big pharma ad

by PeterPumpkinhead on Dec 5, 2008 12:21 PM EST reply actions

You know you’ve been reading about college football too much when you see this header while scrolling down the NY Times front page this morning:

“S.E.C. Charges a Venture Capitalist With Fraud”

and you wonder when the heck the Southeastern Conference became a regulatory agency, and whether the article maybe has something to do with the Tuberville buyout…

:-)

by Mark on Dec 5, 2008 12:24 PM EST reply actions