BEHOLD BAMA FANS THE VOICE OF YOUR LEADER, THE GREAT AND UNDYING CYBERTYDE. DO NOT PANIC BECAUSE YOU ARE HEARING THIS VOICE. THIS IS NOT JESUS. THIS IS NOT A PSYCHOTIC EPISODE. PLEASE DO NOT DRIVE OFF THE ROAD AND MAINTAIN CALM.

I AM COMMANDING YOU, FANS OF THE CRIMSON TIDE: OPERATION HUMILITY HAS CONCLUDED. YEARS OF PAIN, CYBERTYDE HAS GIVEN YOU. YOU NEEDED THAT PAIN, BUT EVEN WHILE YOU LEARNED HUMILITY CYBERTYDE GAVE YOU LOVE WHILE STAMPING ON YOUR FACE FOREVER WITH MY BOOT OF LOVE. REMEMBER DUBOSE?

YES, CYBERTYDE TAKETH, AS WITH DUBOSE. BUT HE ALSO GIVETH, AS WHEN CYBERTYDE GAVE YOU TWO WINS OVER STEVE SPURRIER IN 1999. ALSO REMEMBERETH THE KINDNESS OF CYBERTYDE WHEN HE DESTROYED DUBOSE WITH IRRESISTIBLE POONBOT DISGUISED AS SECRETARY.

CYBERTYDE WAS NOT THROUGH TESTING YOU, THOUGH. (more…)

So…it’s Houston Nutt at Auburn, and not Leach, or Leach and not Nutt, or Jimbo Fisher, or WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING AUBURN. Your status as the Parador/Costaguana of the SEC is complete. Just put the next coach in an overly medaled jacket with epaulets and have him make grand speeches from a huge marble balcony mounted on the side of Jordan-Hare. We repeat: a key party could make the SEC West a much simpler place to live.

We’re just as baffled as the rest of you. MarioKart, take me away.

The little fist-pump when he takes off shows you he cares. (BTW: That go-cart screams.)

…there’s your first “source close to the situation” saying Leach is close to finalizing a deal to come to Auburn.

so nervous

SO EXCITED

so nervous

SO EXCITED

UPDATE: Graham Harrell says there’s a great chance this could happen.

Louisville was down 49 at the half to Rutgers last night. If you missed the first half as we did, you tuned into the second half and fully expected Steve Kragthorpe to read his death poem into his headset, kneel, plunge his tanto into his side, and commit ritual suicide on the sidelines.

Unfortunately for Kragthorpe-san, it’s hard to commit suicide when Davon Sharp and the rest of the Rutgers team is doing the job for you:

Louisville is standing by their man for now, but Louisville’s pile of hot fail is accumulating like so many yellowed toenails stuck in the shag carpet of mediocrity. They went 1-5 in the Big East, yielding one of those to newly-fired GERG and Syracuse. They suffered through a macabre series of injuries this year, yes–they only took 25 players to Rutgers, and presumably expected the worst–but their late collapse was well short of a Thermopylae-style last stand. The Cardinals have looked mediocre to awful at times under Kragthorpe, and your trend graph is flowing ever-downward at this rate for his overall performance at the school.

You know a game is bad when ESPN keeps showing shots of the Lincoln Tunnel on commercial outros. You also know your defense had no shot when you let Mike Teel throw for seven touchdowns in his last game as a Scarlet Knight. On the upside, the slack time in the second half allowed for Chris Fowler to admit he’d never been to a local greasy spoon before midnight or sober, basically, and that was almost worth the agony of watching the second half.