EDSBSGPS: WHERE WE AT, WEEK 13

Alternating between Texas Tech – Land Thieves and corporate drudgery. Bloody mortgage. Bloody mouths to feed.

Bob Stoops had best come through with a big game collapse or the weekend’s a total write off.

Vandy J, SIlly Con Valley, CALifornia…

Dawn Patrol: tailgating in the People’s Republic, watching Tennessee@Vanderbilt on ESPN’s mobile web page via iPhone

then Big Game ‘08, as the Cardinal have some of my property and I intend to collect it so my wife will speak to me again after flaking on last year’s game with disastrous results

then home, several field sobriety checkpoints later (if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, make a teetotal woman your wife).

Hunkered down at the Hub City compound with one eye on the Ole Miss-LSU game and one eye on my Torts outline. 1L exams in a week, lawyas, ya feel me?
My life sucks.

I’m pretty sure this TTech-OU game is gonna be a wash as far as being a big game that is also close. Just a heads up, OU will wallop TTech by at least 7+ pts. As much as I would prefer my Tigers to play the Pirate squad, it isn’t happening.

Trying to solve Paul Johnson’s option offense by calculating the Azimuth Angle of Asher Allen’s inept tackles, and then calibrating for standard temperature and pressure…. to the extent that such a thing exists in Athens at NOON IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!! Damn you CBS!!!!!

Oh, and watching Super Tecmo Bowl… a.k.a. Oklahoma vs. Texas Tech. Wondering what the inititals stand for in P.F. Changs…

I’ll be in Happy Valley, getting my bourbon on in 28 degree weather.

I’ll be waking my fiance up at 8 am on the west coast—because I need to be really drunk to appropriately cheer for Michigan.

Also, no article about Cam Newton?

Girlie in and out all day, which means non-Auburn hate week:
Rich getting pummeled by TUoOS (rita getting losing her hairspray Christmas bonus); Magnolia Bowl; Dirt Burglars-Pirates; and APPLE CUP (cannot pass that up).

There’s a drinking game…want to play along?
http://www.rollbamaroll.com/2008/11/21/667126/holla-for-the-apple-cup

Malcolm Gladwell is more like who dumb people think is smart vs. actually being smart. But hey, he is rich and famous, so touche.

Watchin Clemson tear into the white meat in Charlottesville for me.

Section 16 of Ben Hill, restraining order-distance from the cheerleaders, morally restrained by my 10 year-old daughter seated next to me.

-First Time Commenter/Long-Time Cheerleader-Ogler

At HQ Control here in the Metroplex. Light schedule, but as always, chock full of the hotness in key precincts.

The main events:

Cotton Bowl Qualification Game (Giggity @ LSU) – This is a much better-sounding name than the Magnolia Bowl.

TT @ OU
DickRod @ tOSU

The undercard is below.

Morning Session:

Vols @ Vandy – The penultimate Raycom SEC game with the Three Daves.

Clemson @ UVA

Afternoon Session:

Dawgs @ Wazzu
Mich St @ JoePa

Stanford @ Cal – The best stare-down this side of the DMZ happens in this game, as the students with The Stanford Axe (Stanford this year) stand directly across the students who want to take it from them (that would be Cal this year).

Boise State @ Nevada

Night Session:

Beavers @ ’Zona
Pitt @ Cincy

On The Menu: Bourbon-marinated chicken, washed down with cold beer.

Holly – You’re only calling them West Virginia this week, not WFV?

Kickin’ back at home in Charleston, SC.

Noon: WVU vs U of L flashing Meesheegan tOSU
3:30: BC vs Wake (so who really does want to win the ACC)
7:00: Pitt vs Cincinnasti until…
8:00 TTU vs OU with flashbacks to above.

Drankin’ Bud Select, Jameson Irish, and Glenmorangie all the way through midnight.

Let’s Go!! Mounatianeers!!!

In the Horseshoe, hopefully for a beating so bad that Lloyd Carr will feel it in his living room.

Back to my friends house where I am staying for MSU-PSU and TT-OU.

P-I-T-T Let’s go PITT!!!

I’m either leading a heavily-armed exploratory party through Malcolm Gladwell’s hair or accepting Obama’s nomination as Secretary of Quark Back Defense. I forget which.

Starting off the day watching Michigan vs. tOSU, cheering for that elusive meteor that unfortunately missed Wiscosnin-Iowa yet again. Then off to tailgate in 20 degree weather before the LAST FREAKING GAME EVAR at the Metrodome. Then I’ll stagger inside to watch Minnesota claim the pig. (Floyd, not some random Iowa cheerleader)

clemspson vs virgin-i-a
I can’t believe nobody else is watching the underachievers vs the overachievers. what a game.
(bar seat just fell over with drunkard in it)

Up early for mimosas before enduring the Barwis Brigade’s uphill battle against the Forces of Evil, and by mimosas I mean shots of Jameson until I’m numb and by Forces of Evil I mean Those Who Poop in the Cooler.

Then Sparty vs. the Zombie Nation and another round of shots. (I have one of those nifty Shotinator things that holds bottles upside down and allows you to quickly, easily, and safely dispense the appropriate dose of felony juice.*)

If I still have more blood than alcohol in my veins at this point, then Captain Mike “Jack” Leach “Sparrow” vs. I Can’t Think of an Oklahoma Joke.

In between the shots will be various quantities of Guinness, Sierra Nevada Pale, and Sam Adams.

Menu: Chili as hot as Nick Sheridan’s throwing arm (ya hear me, God?), li’l smokies in whiskey sauce, shrimp cocktail, nachos, and anything else I can later throw up on a portrait of Jim Tressel.

P.S. Malcolm Gladwell is Sideshow Bob.

11:30 am: Leave Dallas—Listen to DickRod getting historic loss #9. Trivia Nugget: He was the first choice of the Texas Tech search committee in early 2000. He told them thanks but no thanks, he was waiting for WFV to open up. The committee’s second choice has turned out just fine thankyouverymuch.

2:00 pm: Arrive Norman
Crapple Cup
Land Grant Trophy (rolleyes)
The Axe

7:00 pm: Tech-OU. We will keep our chips on the field of play and let it ride.

Editorial comment: Apparently Lord Gay Family Stadium provides a 23 point advantage since Tech beat Texas by 6, Texas beat OU by 10, and the line for Saturday night is OU by 7.

@Raider Red

It’s a 23-point home-field advantage if the game is considered a wash on a neutral field. If TT would be favored by, say, 4 points on a neutral field over OU, it would be a 27-point home-field advantage.

8:00 am: Arrive at Bobcat Stadium End Zone Complex wondering why there’s a San Marcos cop asking me if I plan to serve alcohol at my tailgate.

8:02 am: Tell cop on power trip that it’s a road game, cop will proceed to search car regardless and find nothing.

8:04 am: Receive a Minor In Possession ticket from cop anyway.

8:15 am: Wonder where the hell my ride is

8:30 am: Leave San Marcos a half hour late

11:30 am: Arrive in beautiful Prisonville, TX, home of Sam Houston State University and the world’s largest electrical chair.

2 pm: GRAAAAAAAARWRWRWRWR KILL RHETT BOMAR KILL KILL KILL GRARARWWRRWRWR

6 pm: Drive home, celebrate playoff berth and subsequently temper expectations to hoping our road visit to Montana ends in a 20 point loss instead of 40.

The early session: Michigan-Ohio State (rooting, as always, for the meteor)
Afternoon: MSU-PSU, with mild interest in Illinois-NW
Dinnertime gap: Iowa-Minnesota in the Metrodome sendoff (I’ll probably check back around the end to see if Iowa fans parade the goalposts around again)
The nightcap: That game you might have heard something about in Norman

Studley @ #12: They have Bill Stewart as their coach now. They’re closer to West Golly Gee Virginia than West Fuckin’ Virginia.

Morning – Michigan v. Ohio State
Afternoon – Busch Gardens getting my free drink on.
Evening – Texas Tech v. Oklahoma and Pitt v. Cincy
Sunday Evening – At Ray Jay wondering which Grothe will show up.

Love the Gladwell reference. Started laughing before the caption when I saw his Sideshow Bob lookin’ ass.

I have already read Gladwell’s book, and it is fantastic. IV will be the most dominant QB, Rhodes Scholar, hedge fund owner, male porn star, curer of cancer…

this side of Myron Rolle.

Actually he will be better than Rolle since Rolle might be the most overrated football player in the nation. Brilliant young man, overrated football player.

In Los Angeles for aforemtioned blogger wedding event.

9 AM: West Fuckin’ Virginia @ Loovall, in order to get a dose of Bill Stewart Face.

Noon: Giggity @ Mad Hatter, with side stops at Double Schadenfreude Specials of ’Cuse-ND and the Rotten Apple Cup.

Evening: First quarter of Fuck Shit Up @ Testudo and the Pirate Academy @ Land Thieves if I’m lucky, then it’s off to the wedding.

I meant to mention this last night, but Jackson State and Alcorn State are playing at 2:30 on ESPNU, and Alcorn State’s band (“Sounds of Dyn-O-Mite”) is pure awesome. Do not miss.

Best day of the year so far, and I’m kinda glad UConn is playing tomorrow night so I can do nothing but watch TV all day long.

I want to see Pitt win to keep UConn’s BCS hopes alive.
I want to see Penn State to win to get Paterno a Rose Bowl berth, a Big Ten title and possibly a send-off worthy of him.
I want to see Texas Tech win because I want to see undefeated Tech vs. undefeated Bama in the title game. Come on, it’s more fun when the BCS works and the sportswriters have nothing to say.

Unrelated note…Lil Wayne’s Mrs. Officer is my new favorite guitly pleasure song of all-time. Download, listen and laugh.

8pm…Taco Mac on Peachtree Street in Midtown ATL….
140 Draft Beers
240 Bottled Beers
50 HD Televisions

the Big 12 apocalypse will be exquisite

my liver will probably wake up in the Ponce De Leon hotel with a toothless hooker and wonder what the hell happened….

And John Brantley just moved up the Florida QB depth chart.

He is better than Newton, regardless.

By far Newton’s best toss of his career

Day late and dollar short:

- King Tutenkhaman exhibit at Dallas Museum of Art (which turned out to be 1000% better than the slate of afternoon games, except for ND getting Gerged)
- Pittsburgh/Cincinnati
- Texas Tech/Oklahoma

Sunday night:

- Connecticut/USF, live and in person. FEEL THE MEDIOCRITY!!!!