FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW: MIAMI AT GEORGIA TECH
by Orson on Nov 20, 2008 4:50 PM EST
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PrintWelcome to our Factor Five Five Factor Preview of Miami at Georgia Tech A game where a Georgia Tech team beset by injury faces a young and talented Miami team rounding into form at just the right team. Tech would stand no chance in this game save for two factors:
a.) This is the ACC.
b.) The low tonight will be 31 degrees, and Miami dudes don't like that shit.
The cold is just making us meaner, asshole.
Oh, and the five factors, which really decide who's going to win this game, after all.
Category one: Nebulous Statistical Comparisons of Dubious Validity. 28.4 points a game, a shocking average for Miami, who we assumed scored points on the Tuberville scale of safeties, coupons, and 54 yard field goals at the gun to end games. For all the bitching about Robert Marve and Patrick Nix's playcalling, they are third in the ACC in scoring. Whether that's a triumph of talent over design is a question for the post-season (YES YES THEY COULD BE SCORING NINETYBILLION POINTS WITH SOMEONE ELSE)--what?
The Nebulous State of Dubious Statistical Validity for Tech: 40, or the number of missed assignments for the Tech offense according to the coaching staff. In a system as simple as the Nerdbone, precision counts twice as much as in other systems, and Tech probably won't be that disjointed against the Hurricanes.
Advantage: Miami, because Tech takes soooo long to score.
Miami, You've been factor'd!
Category Two: Mascot: We went to the Duke/Tech game a few weeks ago.
We sat on the edge of endzone, where the brick wall fronting the western stands rises to about six or seven feet off the ground. A kid waved at Buzz, and his extremely attractive mother beckoned Buzz to come over and say hello.
Buzz trotted back about twenty feet. He made a "parting the seas" gesture, and we got the fuck out of the way lickety-split. Buzz then took a full sprint, jumped, and while wearing slippery white cotton gloves executed a perfect parkour leap onto the wall, and then up it.
Is this unusual? Nah.
Any mascot that does urban gymnastics with ease and who has parachuted from a plane in the service of the student body earns our vote by a wide margin.
Advantage: Tech
Georgia Tech, you've been factor'd!
Category Three: Aura. The Canes aren't quite invincible booty-shaking thug-god...yet. They could be soon, but this team still has moments of befuddling inconsistency, especially on the side of the ball where they don't get to just sit back and assault people with impunity. (They're very, very good at that: 10th in the nation, actually.) The foretold Randy Shannon renaissance? Occurring, and that has aura leaning Miami.
Meanwhile, Tech will have a flyover from the space shuttle tonight with three Tech grads aboard: points to Tech. They are also trying a whiteout: points deducted. Most everyone hates the whiteout: points awarded. This?
I was telling one of my friends that if we wanted to do something original, we should have a geekout and have a football game at the library, Pritchett said, because thats where everyone is, anyway. Itd be a guaranteed sellout.
Points (sigh) deducted massively.
Advantage: Miami.
Miami, You've Been Factor'd!
Category Four: Names. For a team once boasting the immortal "Ethenic Sands" on its roster, Miami's a pretty bland slate of football monikers, even with noir detective and heartbroken romantic "Harland Gunn" on the offensive line.
Georgia Tech, though, brings the FIYAH:
Embry Peepless
Elris Anyaibe
Osahon Tongo
Jahi Word-Daniels
Doc Coppage
Jaybo Shaw
Advantage: Clearly Georgia Tech's here.
Georgia Tech, You've been factor'd!
Grudges? Scores to settle? Sheer cussedness? Georgia Tech's actually won the last three in a row versus Miami. If you need any further complication of the muddle that was Chan Gailey, there you go: lose to Duke, beat Miami three years in a row.
Miami, you've been factor'd!
EDSBS FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW SUM: 3-2, Miami You've Been Factor'd! Reminder: THIS MEANS BET ON THE OTHER TEAM, which because we're writing about the counter-counter-counter-counter intuitive ACC, you should probably decide with your favorite game of choice, like Russian Roulette or Cambodian Land Mine Soccer.
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I count 2 Miami, 2 Georgia Tech and 1 TCU. Must be OT tonight!
by Crabapple Buck on Nov 20, 2008 4:57 PM EST reply actions
Make that 3 Miami, 1 GT, 1 TCU.
Miami by a wide margin? Over 2 teams?
by Crabapple Buck on Nov 20, 2008 4:58 PM EST reply actions
it’s actually Embry Peeples, pronounced like peoples
“this one goes out to all my Peeples behind bars”
by gosouthgohard on Nov 20, 2008 5:01 PM EST reply actions
Orson, you are a genius, EDSBS is my new favorite blog. FIRST!
by Stephen on Nov 20, 2008 5:03 PM EST reply actions
That’s not what his roster spot says. SOMEONE’S GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!!!
by Orson Swindle on Nov 20, 2008 5:09 PM EST reply actions
Orson, If you go to the game, be sure to wear a helmet.
Tech graduate and shuttle crew member Sandra Magnus dropped her purse recently.
by hlh on Nov 20, 2008 5:16 PM EST reply actions
I was telling one of my friends that if we wanted to do something original, we should have a geekout and have a football game at the library, Pritchett said, because thats where everyone is, anyway. Itd be a guaranteed sellout.
Further evidence that Tech, Vandy, Wake, N’western, Baylor, and Stanford should form their own conference where they only play each other and none of the rest of us ever hear from them again. Evah.
by PeterPumpkinhead on Nov 20, 2008 5:17 PM EST reply actions
I agree with #9.
Suggested Conference Names include:
All Arrogance Conf.
Sexless Recruiting Trips Conf.
Daddy Warbucks League
???
The slogan comes from past a EDSBS post:
“You’re blocking the doors to the Library, Plebe!”
by Scott on Nov 20, 2008 5:45 PM EST reply actions
I saw “talented Miami team rounding into form at just the right team” and thought typo — until I realized Tech was the opponent.
Arp. Arp.
by Larry Langolier on Nov 20, 2008 6:16 PM EST reply actions
@9:
Baylor??? One of these things is not like the others; one of these things just isn’t the same.
by HOSS on Nov 20, 2008 6:44 PM EST reply actions
Here’s all you need to know: Miami is leading the Coastal Division. In the Atlantic Clusterfuck Conference, this = DEATH.
BEEEEEEEEEES win.
by SpartanDan on Nov 20, 2008 7:00 PM EST reply actions
The U is back. I don’t know why my fellow Canes fans think we are back when we are playing a game to win the Coastal division that will make Miami 5-2. But they all say we are back! So I will agree! The U, it is back! Proceed to feel whatever emotion it is you felt the last time the U was back.
I believe that emotion for me was “Man, I hate being a waiter. I should go back to college for a third time.” I’m ready to relive the glory that was Miami and wasn’t my life!
by Rawk on Nov 20, 2008 7:26 PM EST reply actions
Where the hell’s a livechat when we need one? This could actually be entertaining, as opposed to every other ACC game this year.
by JoshC on Nov 20, 2008 7:34 PM EST reply actions
I’d normally go with the Nerdbone here, but Miami has the cyanide to stifle Johnson’s sorcery: PENETRATION. The football kind, sickos.
by Counter Trap on Nov 20, 2008 7:44 PM EST reply actions
Wow, I just saw an amazing stat up on the board from ESPN. Out of 38 attempts inside the redzone Miami has scored 39 times. 26 TDs and 13 FGs. Utterly amazing percentage there.
by Panhandle Gator on Nov 20, 2008 8:51 PM EST reply actions
The BEEEEEES are buzzing tonight! (Sorry, I just had to)
by John on Nov 20, 2008 8:54 PM EST reply actions
I haven’t seen such shit-tastic tackling since, oh, the 2007 Gators. Where was this crap in Gainesville, jerks?
by peachy on Nov 20, 2008 9:02 PM EST reply actions
Miami is, as Orson would say, supplying the butt
by WarCardinals on Nov 20, 2008 9:03 PM EST reply actions
Dr. Lou just authorized people to give out wedgies.
by Studley on Nov 20, 2008 9:25 PM EST reply actions
Did Miami learn their tackling technique from Tony Joiner?
by peachy on Nov 20, 2008 9:39 PM EST reply actions
The phrase, “bitch mentality,” was patented for Randy Shannon, as his tenure has, and will continue, to prove.
Takes one (Tommy Bowden) to know one…
by Coop on Nov 20, 2008 10:06 PM EST reply actions
Heard these LOTS tonight….
Georgia Tech
“White & Gold”
(Played after a touchdown)
So then it’s up with the White and Gold
Down with the Red and the Black
Georgia Tech is out for a victory
We’ll drop our battle axe on Georgia’s head, CHOP!
When we meet her our team will surely beat her
Down on old Georgia’s farm there’ll be no sound
When our bow wows rip through the air
When the battle is over Georgia’s team will be found
With the Yellow Jackets swarming around.
“Ramblin’ Wreck”
(Played after the PAT)
I’m a Ramblin’ Wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer,
A helluva, helluva, helluva, hell of an engineer,
Like all the jolly good fellows, I drink my whiskey clear,
I’m a Ramblin’ Wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer.
Oh, if I had a daughter, sir, I’d dress her in White and Gold,
And put her on the campus, to cheer the brave and bold.
But if I had a son, sir, I’ll tell you what he’d do.
He would yell, “To Hell with Georgia,” like his daddy used to do.
Oh, I wish I had a barrel of rum and sugar three thousand pounds,
A college bell to put it in and a clapper to stir it around.
I’d drink to all good fellows who come from far and near.
I’m a ramblin’, gamblin’, hell of an engineer.
by Mich-Placed Gator on Nov 20, 2008 10:12 PM EST reply actions
“Clean Old-Fashioned Hate” just got a lot more interesting.
by John on Nov 20, 2008 10:17 PM EST reply actions
@ 28,
400 yards rushing is nothing. I was in Fayettenam when McFadden and Jones ran for over 550 on us (South Carolina). And yes, it still hurts.
by Never Leave College on Nov 20, 2008 10:24 PM EST reply actions
@ Mich-Placed Gator
I hope that wasn’t a forward thinking, subtle knock on the Dawgs. We may be Florida’s whipping boy, but now’s time to circle the wagons and protect our own. And by protect our own I mean pray that Georgia doesn’t get run over by the insects. Think of the value of your win… er, ass whooping.
by Sparrow on Nov 20, 2008 10:47 PM EST reply actions
It just goes to show, Miami still cant stop the run.
Wow, Georgia, hope ya run defense is healed up a bit, cause the Paul Johnson Express is headed downhill and comin your way…..and I thought Alabama ran the ball to damn much….sheesh…….
Jabo Shaw sounds like a beer league softball pitcher….
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Nov 20, 2008 10:57 PM EST reply actions
“young and talented” and completely unprepared.
P.S.: piss on ’em!
by gotech on Nov 21, 2008 12:05 AM EST reply actions
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how you run the Flexbown Opition.
Class is dismissed.
by Techie on Nov 21, 2008 12:15 AM EST reply actions
That was the most boring 4th quarter of football I’ve ever seen.
by Tim on Nov 21, 2008 12:31 AM EST reply actions
A game Darrell Royal would have loved. If GT would have beat down Miami more severely, I would have loved it too.
by AlcoHolyRoller on Nov 21, 2008 7:20 AM EST reply actions
#26
Those are the words to GaTech’s fight song?
Leave it to the smart kids to come up with the best fight song lyrics ever….
by CincySooner on Nov 21, 2008 8:27 AM EST reply actions
Georgia Tech : Georgia :: Georgia : Florida
They shouldn’t have blown their wad last night because it’s likely they’ll need some of those points next weekend.
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Nov 21, 2008 8:58 AM EST reply actions
@38
My guess is that they’ll have plenty to spare. In fact, perhaps they’ll lend UGA some in the 4th qtr. to give you some hope.
by NativeSon on Nov 21, 2008 9:50 AM EST reply actions
@ 31
The announcers of the game last night mentioned Ga Tech’s fight song lyrics and got me curious, so I looked them up, then cut and pasted. I must admit, they are quite entertaining.
As far as who I’ll be pulling for in the UGA / Tech matchup….I really haven’t thought about it yet but normally pull for any SEC team playing a non-SEC team….and don’t be hatin’ Tech fans, I was pulling for you team last night, and many times throughout the year.
The teams I rarely want to see win: FSU, Miami, Michigan, & Notre Dame.
by Mich-Placed Gator on Nov 21, 2008 10:34 AM EST reply actions
@43: bourbon? I’ll bring my own, thanks.
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Nov 21, 2008 2:07 PM EST reply actions
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