IF YOU BELIEVE YOU WILL LATERAL THAT BALL
by Orson on Nov 17, 2008 12:17 PM EST
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PrintFlorida Field at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium, November 15th, 2008. 3:49 p.m.
DION LECORN twists his heels into the turf and waits for the kickoff. The South Carolina Gamecocks are down 14-0 early to the Florida Gators. A clean WHUMP of foot meeting ball echoes through the air. LECORN tracks it through the air.
LECORN: Okay...break it to the outside if you can...against the grain...film showed against the grain...HYPE, man, HYPE!
[A sudden thunderclap sounds. Lightning shoots in a webbing of heavenly fire above him.]
LECORN: What the---
[CRAZY OLD TESTAMENT GOD appears in sky.]
COTG: DION LECORN HEAR MY VOICE AND KNOW THAT I AM THE LORD.
LECORN: HOLY SHIT!!!
COTG: DAMN RIGHT. MIND THE NAME, THOUGH. I GET SMITE-Y WHEN PEOPLE THROW IT AROUND.
Lecorn: Got it. Hey, why's everyone stopped?
COTG: UNTIL YOUR TIME OF TRIAL IS OVER TIME SHALL BE FROZEN AND MOVED AS I LIKE.
Lecorn: What about Coach? He's still moving over there and talking into his headset.
COTG: WE'VE MET. HE KNOWS THE DRILL AND HAS SEEN THIS BEFORE. STEVE, HELLO. REMEMBER THE FIESTA BOWL?
[STEVE SPURRIER points, nods, and grins bitterly.]
Spurrier: Yep, yep. You got me there, yup, you did.
COTG: WE'VE HAD SUCH TIMES TOGETHER! ANYWAY, I HAVE A TEST OF FAITH FOR YOU, DION LECORN. YOU WILL LATERAL THIS BALL TO THE OTHER RETURNER. I COMMAND YOU. IF YOU BELIEVE, YOU WILL THROW THE BALL. HAVE FAITH.
Lecorn: Will he know if it's coming?
COTG: DO I LOOK LIKE I ANSWER QUESTIONS?
Lecorn: No. Hit the play button, lawya.
[This happens.]
Lecorn: What was that supposed to prove?
COTG: THAT I AM AWESOME AND YOUR FAITH IS STRONG. ALSO, IT WAS VERY, VERY FUNNY. WE'RE ALL DYING UP HERE. THANK YOU. THAT WAS AS FUNNY AS THAT HUGH GRANT FARK THAT WENT AROUND LAST WEEK. GOOD BYE FAITHFUL SERVANT. STAY STREET.
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There is obviously a difference between “smiling down upon” and out-and-out “laughing at.”
by NativeSon on Nov 17, 2008 12:33 PM EST reply actions
Crazy Old Testament Spurrier would have scored on that play.
by sonofsamford on Nov 17, 2008 12:38 PM EST reply actions
Papa Teebs clearly instilled a deep and abiding understanding of COTG into young Tim and the Gators after the Ole Miss game. Hence the bloodpath.
by poguemahone on Nov 17, 2008 12:41 PM EST reply actions
Even Forgiving New Testament God had a divine chuckle at that one.
by dudis41 on Nov 17, 2008 12:44 PM EST reply actions
So if you refuse to do what COTG orders you to do, do you end up at Washington or Washington State?
by DC Trojan on Nov 17, 2008 12:46 PM EST reply actions
if COTG thought that was funny he is going to love the apple cup this year. It can be argeued that U-dub and Wazzu players are in this predicament beacuse they have no fiath or faith is all they have.
by tzubear on Nov 17, 2008 12:56 PM EST reply actions
Old Testament Spurrier would have been on the other sideline.
zing! pow!
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Nov 17, 2008 1:07 PM EST reply actions
for the record… COTG is most certainly NOT invited to Norman this weekend.
He’ll still come, but he’s not invited.
by CincySooner on Nov 17, 2008 1:17 PM EST reply actions
I just want my 3d Amber chat biatch to be me a shot of head.
is that asking too much?
by Elno Lewis on Nov 17, 2008 1:18 PM EST reply actions
“Meh” made the dictionary! http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,452993,00.html
by Larry Langolier on Nov 17, 2008 1:29 PM EST reply actions
From: What I Want for Christmas Dept
Subject: Bowl Preview Special
Concept: Marky M, Crazy Old Testament God, and Mike Patrick sit down for a round-table discussion to preview this season’s bowl matchups and pick the winners.
P.S: Pretty Please Santa. I’ve been reasonably good this year.
by CincySooner on Nov 17, 2008 1:30 PM EST reply actions
We need more Monty Python!
Spurrier — “I am no longer called ‘The Old Ball Coach’ hence forth I shall be known as ‘Icky, icky, icky, swap qb’s, make sure the game is over before the first quarter is over.. beop bang.”
by The Holy Grail on Nov 17, 2008 1:54 PM EST reply actions
Thats probably the most logical reasoning for that play anyone can come up with. I can only imagine the horror that would ensue if Lecorn defied COTG.
Le sigh.
by Jspur on Nov 17, 2008 4:18 PM EST reply actions
Jspur,
The more you think about it, the more it doesn’t make sense.
What makes the play call even harder to understand is the guys who were back to return. Most who don’t follow Carolina don’t know that neither Lecorn or Hail had returned a kickoff all year. Let’s put in two DBs, who rarely play, to run a trick play against chainsaw dick, special teams guru, Urban Meyer.
You think UF coaches weren’t screaming at the top of their lungs to watch for trickeration?
by Mike on Nov 17, 2008 5:16 PM EST reply actions
i do so love watching teams squirm and try crazy things as we smash zem.
i believe if he had defied cotg, south carolina wins. by a billion. cotg is crazy like that.
by Ricky on Nov 17, 2008 7:14 PM EST reply actions
That was definitely a visor-throwing moment. Did Superior throw his visor?
by I R A Darth Aggie on Nov 18, 2008 9:48 AM EST reply actions
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