BOWL NAMES THAT SHOULD EXIST
Doc Saturday’s plea to be named commissioner of college football’s season–a campaign we fully support–reminds us that it is time to consider the bowls that should occur before the sprawling bowl market comes to a crash.
The Evinrude-Wrangler Real America Bowl
The YellaWood Arsenic Poisoining Bowl
The Ludacris DTP Chicken ‘n Beer Bowl Sponsored by Pussy (Ask for it by name.)
If this bowl has one more drink, it’s gone end up fuckin’ you.
The Golden Flake Fatback Bowl
The Bitch I’m From Dade County Bowl Presented By the 7th Floor Crew, On The Trunk and On The Field!
The Allen Bailey Alligator Smash Bowl
The Jonathan Crompton Jaw Clamp Bowl Featuring The Close Your Mouth Jonathan Crompton We Are Not A Codfish Halftime show, presented by Bo-Bob’s Eyewear Emporium. Stare down your receivers with clarity!
THE TANG THE DRINK OF ASTRONAUTS BOWL
The Erin Andrews Bowl(not actually containing Erin Andrews, but mentioned frequently for pageviews Erin Andrews Erin Andrews)
The Fuck You In The Face, Jim Delaney, Keep Your Fucking Rose Bowl (presented by Citi)
The Enzyte Bowl (ACC vs. ACC). Crowd will get larger than it seems, we promise!
The FinallyFast.com 120-second Clock Rule Bowl
The McRib Bowl. Only available on December 27th! (Until next year.)
The They Live Is One of the Greatest Fucking Movies Ever Made Bowl Starring Rowdy Roddy Piper. Entertainment worth watching as Rowdy Roddy Piper is guaranteed to punch every single attendee in the face. That person next to you may be one of THEM.
Bubble gum will not be available.
The Killers Bowl for Vague, Lofty Music With Vaguely Lofty Lyrics. You’re like Jesus with the Wings on fire burnin’ down a main street highway America runnin’. Sponsored by the LDS. No gays, please.
The MySpace No Means Maybe Bowl
The Hitachi Adolescent Panty Vending Machine Bowl.
The Click Here Win A Free iPod Snorg Tees Screensaver Bowl.
The Maine Bowl. It’s Maine. It’s there. You should see it sometime.
The Christopher Hitchens Degenerative Alcoholism Curmudging Classic.Sponsored by Chivas and ScotchGuard. You’ll watch it unless you’re an repentant Trotskyite who doesn’t realize the import of the Cypriot identity crisis to the identity of the modern Levant.
The No, Seriously, Shreveport Is The Maw Of Hell Bowl.
The LSAT Bowl, brought to you buy your quarter-life crisis. Lose your worries for three hours…or three years! Available on pay-per-view for 75-125,000 dollars depending on region.
The Big Lead Bowl. I dunno. This scares us. Here’s a link to a sports story. No idea where we found it. Hey, a picture of a girl!
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1
Bobby Decatur says:
The EDSBS Gay Bear Naked Guy Maddening Banner Bowl.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
2
InsaneCoachPosse says:
COTG Bowl – He commands you to watch it
November 17th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
3
ChasingMizzou says:
The Resignation Bowl featuring all bowl eligible teams that lost to Tennessee.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
4
InsaneCoachPosse says:
Phil Fulmer Liposuction Clinic Bowl – Free 2-for-1 Krispy Kreme donut coupons to the first 50,000
November 17th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
5
InsaneCoachPosse says:
Orson – the link to Dr Saturday’s blog takes you to a pic of Bush giving some lady a back rub…what’s up with that?
November 17th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
6
sonofsamford says:
The Quaker Oats Liberty Medical Diebeetus Bowl.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
7
Orson Swindle says:
Fixed.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
8
spartymike says:
Dude, I love the Killers.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
9
AllWhoYonder says:
The “He Went to Jared!!” Bowl
Give the tickets out for free and then anybody who shows up to this should be shot. I effing hate those commercials.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
10
Holly says:
AllWhoYonder FTW.
November 17th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
11
hobeg8r says:
The Here Is My Resume Bowl – sponsored by Monster.com. The teams invited to play are teams whose coaches have been fired mid-year.
The Puleeze-Just-Win-One-Before-I-Die Bowl….where tOSU is invited to play the worst SEC team in the conference. To level the playing field, OSU is entitled to start the game 10 minutes before the SEC team is allowed to take the field….to take into account – wait for it – ESS EEE CEE speed.
November 17th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
12
Brian O'Blivion says:
The EDSBS Supplying the Butt Bowl featuring…..well, you know.
November 17th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
13
yoyofutbawl says:
The Ty-D-Bowl Bowl.
[TEAM REDACTED] vs. COTG
November 17th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
14
Exiled in Kansas says:
How about the Cialis Bowl? Play one quarter a day so that you’re ready when the time is right…
November 17th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
15
Coop says:
I prefer the, Jared, “Mall Jewelry Is For Poor People,” Bowl, shown after another ESPN airing of the Dale Earnhardt story, featuring that guy from Top Gun.
November 17th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
16
elno lewis says:
The Zig Zag NORML Bowl.
This would be a very, very late bowl. It would occur after the MNC game, and would be played between last year’s Fulmer Cups #1 and #2.
Brought to you by some booze company. Who wouldn’t watch this game?
Someone get right on this/
November 17th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
17
Limedust says:
The Mail Your Gold In A Safe Secure Transaction Bowl
with the half time show featuring Naked Larry’s Balls Flappin In The Wind Dr. Pepper Field Goal Contest.
November 17th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
18
now_a_hoo says:
“(Ask for it by name.)”
So funny, I choked on my gum.
November 17th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
19
DC Trojan says:
The Viagra Bowl – if this bowl lasts more than 4 hours, please seek immediate medical attention.
November 17th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
20
beckett929 says:
elno —
that is a BRILLIANT idea!! its the kind of game that makes you want to go, but fearful you’ll be shot while there… kinda like going to the Orange Bowl…
November 17th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
21
Just another Michigan Man says:
The Halftime Show Bowl, featuring performances by Ashlee SImpson, JT & Janet, the FAMU band and Lil Jon.
Still more fun to watch than the International Bowl…
November 17th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
22
DC Trojan says:
The Intertoto Cup Bowl – FC Auburn against Grasshopper Club Zurich.
November 17th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
23
now_a_hoo says:
@Limedust:
“I had no idea winning six games in the big east would be worth so much!”
“I sent in my six wins and got money the VARY NAXT DAY!”
November 17th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
24
gerry dorsey says:
The I don’t always drink beer but when I do I drink Dos Equis Bowl.
November 17th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
25
Spazzy Mcgee says:
My current goal is to use the phrase “maw of hell” in every day conversation for at least a month.
November 17th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
26
Der Schatten says:
Zig Zag? Puh-Leeze. Roll Optimo, baby. (Drank not included).
November 17th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
27
Der Schatten says:
Speaking of Drank, why not the Drank Bowl? The runners up of the Big Ten, ACC, Big East and Notre Dame in a four game round-robin of suck.
November 17th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
28
Pig4skin says:
The Schlitz Malt Liquor Tylenol Bowl – coming live from Deeetroit Michigan
November 17th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
29
Mich-Placed Gator says:
The “why use Zig-Zags or papers period when you have a bowl” bowl.
Brought to you by Doritos w/ French Onion Dip and Ho-Ho’s
November 17th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
30
Zone Left says:
The We’re Looking for a Fortune 500 Company to Sponsor Detroit Bowl. Formerly the Motor City Bowl.
Seriously, they need them some jobs up there.
November 17th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
31
Mich-Placed Gator says:
careful making fun of Bin Naked, College Football Blog terrorist….he’s got peeps watching and wire tappin’
November 17th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
32
Anonymous IV says:
The Outsource Bowl
to be played in India, China, and Mexico.
November 17th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
33
Graysnail says:
The Lehman Bros. Bowl, for the historically excellent teams that completely went in the shitter that season.
November 17th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
34
Pop Cesspool says:
Why you gotta start with Wrangler? Are YOU UNCOMFORTABLE IN JEANS THAT ARE TOUGH?
http://www.popcesspool.net/2008/11/i-am-comfortable-dissecting-this-commercials-grammar.html
November 17th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
35
Elwood says:
The Congressional Bailout Bowl.
Fire your coach to qualify, and the Federal Government pays the buyouts.
November 17th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
36
AL says:
“We are not a codfish”…who knew you could get a Mary Poppins reference on EDSBS? Sweet.
November 17th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
37
Meg says:
The Massengill Bowl for those teams with that “not so fresh feeling” at the end of the year.
November 17th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
38
Idahobuckeye says:
The Jaeger Bowl, sponsored by Jaegermeister. Every time your team scores, down a shot. Of course, if it’s a low-scoring game, then use the shots-to-good-things-ratio.
If enough students on either side pass out from the shots, Jaegarmeister will make a 1,000 dollar contribution to your school’s scholarship fund!
November 18th, 2008 at 1:19 am
39
Nick Black says:
Roast a Bowl (now packed with Phat Orange Nugs, w00t!)
November 18th, 2008 at 2:33 am
40
robert says:
the “Mystery Science Theater 3000 should still be on tv, dammit” Bowl. Sponsored by Gizmonics Institute. Ideally, it’d come on right after the Zig Zag or Optimo Bowl.
November 18th, 2008 at 5:27 am
41
wdamne says:
“the “Mystery Science Theater 3000 should still be on tv, dammit” Bowl. Sponsored by Gizmonics Institute. Ideally, it’d come on right after the Zig Zag or Optimo Bowl.
Comment by robert ”
Hell yes! The halftime show would be a Fifties educational short.
Deep hurting.
November 18th, 2008 at 9:09 am