EDSBS: THE MAGAZINE!
COMING SOON!!! What better time than a recession to launch that most golden of enterprises, THE SPORTS PARODY MAGAZINE. With literally DOZENS of subscribers, imagine the fun we’ll have. It’ll be bigger than Taint Magazine! (Click for full size.)
Features will include:
–A weekly column on the foibles of college football by celebrated football expert CTHULU THE UNSPEAKABLE
–Incisive reporting! As in includes actual stabbings!
–Free gift lunchmeat mailed inside each and every issue.
–Lou Holtz’s Crothword Thscramble
–Stunning Nude Pictorials of some of college football journalism’s most striking journalists.
–Beauty tips from back-page skincare guru Rick Neuheisel
–SUBSCRIBE NOW OR YOUR MOTHER WILL DIE IF YOU DO NOT FORWARD TO 10 FRIENDS IMMEDIATELY.
–Back page columnist Rick Reilly! No really, it’s just Rick Reilly’s column, copied word for word, and pasted onto the back page. Your dad may love it!
EDSBS the Magazine! Contains only trace amounts of toxic heavy metals. Operators are standing by!
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1
Harris says:
So that nude pictorial page would be what? Just a blank month after month?
November 13th, 2008 at 11:47 am
2
Excuse me Stewardess, but I speak jive says:
Cheesecake Centerfold?
November 13th, 2008 at 11:49 am
3
okiedomer says:
your ideas intrigue me and i wish to subscribe to your newsletter
November 13th, 2008 at 11:49 am
4
Bobby Decatur says:
You can start with Holly.
Sorry, obligatory.
November 13th, 2008 at 11:50 am
5
poguemahone says:
Brian Orakpo is most certainly a member of the High Holy Chosen Guard of the Blood God. Other members of They Who Are His In Bloodiness include Rickey Jean-Francois, Chris Long, Vernon Gholston, and insert-2006-Florida-DE-here.
I’ve been screaming “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD” over on WLA for two weeks now that the UM-OSU game draws nigh, btw. You can only be in the presence of such plebes for so long before the righteous bloodlust comes over oyu.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
6
Kerwin4two says:
Just as long as the centerfold is not Larry.
Will there be pictures of Coach’s pointing?
November 13th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
7
DJ says:
Please don’t joke. This magazine, make it real.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
8
bj says:
both Holtz pieces are incredible in plausibility. I could buy a young pre-doctorate Lou killing a revered Socialist figurehead with a sharp object. And I can easily imagine Dr. Lou trying to fill in the Times crossword on a Sunday morning, but can figure out why none of his words fit.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
9
Oops Pow Surprise says:
You’re telling me I can collect on my mom’s will just by not subscribing?
Tempting… but I also want some of that Carl Buddig formed turkey… maybe I’ll forward onto 6 friends and let the chips fall where they may.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
10
yoyofutbawl says:
Dr Lou never axed Trotsky. It was Rasputin.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
11
Vol says:
I like it. Buck this trend of magazines ditching their traditional circulation in favor of online media, and just go the other direction.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
12
Holly says:
Bobby, if you’re going to make LOL WE HAZ A GIRL ARP jokes, at least make a half-assed effort at funny.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
13
Etch Westgrin says:
Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
November 13th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
14
Bones Crosby says:
College football with Warhammer references. Didn’t think it was possible.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
15
Bobby Decatur says:
Good God. It was tongue in cheek. Sort of like the mag mock up. You know, in that same spirit and what not.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
16
Signal to Noise says:
I almost read that Holtz feature as “Crotchword.” God help us if Lou ever is responsible for a Sudoku.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
17
Counter Trap says:
Define “Most striking journalists.”
On second thought, don’t.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
18
Raleigh Urbain says:
I noticed this interesting headline from the BBC – Bone marrow ‘cures HIV Patient.
I think we all KNOW where that bone marrow came from.
ARP ARP ARP
November 13th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
19
Holly says:
We really meant “striking” as in “you will want to hit yourselves, not in a sexy way”, so be sure and surround yourselves with soft objects before perusing.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
20
ChasingMizzou says:
Fight the trends of the publishing industry. BE THE SALMON!
November 13th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
21
DevilGrad says:
Re #12 — Holly, we’re deadly serious here. Well, at least temporary restraining order serious here.
[/half-assed attempt at funny]
November 13th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
22
WarCardinals says:
–Stunning Nude Pictorials of some of college football journalism’s most striking journalists.
Holly Rowe? You mean Holly Rowe, right? Please say you mean Holly Rowe…
November 13th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
23
OhioDawg says:
You’re walking away from HUNDREDS of dollars here, Swindle. HUNDREDS!
November 13th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
24
poguemahone says:
@22
Your forget where you are. We get Mike Patrick.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
25
Holly says:
@21 See? That was funny. If I’m going to be objectified I want a laugh out of it, dammit. Good show.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
26
Bobby Decatur says:
Hey waaaaait a second. You can’t try to hijack the Supreme Court with your friend’s cervix and then get a tad pugnacious when you’re pseudo-objectified….
November 13th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
27
NativeSon says:
Can I opt for an EDSBS That Dog phone instead of the lunchmeat?
November 13th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
28
CincySooner says:
ok, ok, ok… I’ll subscribe,
but to hell with you if you think I’m signing up for EDSBSInsider.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
29
Brian O'Blivion says:
As long as there’s a “Supplying the Butt” feature and LOLCOACHES every issue, sign me up.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
30
sevenDs says:
Will it come with a football phone? I hear that’s a great promotional item.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
31
jakldawg says:
#27, The ring is probably something like “Hey there, boy, answer my damn phone already!” And if it’s lunchmeat, it better be grade B bologna.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
32
Ltrain says:
Won’t work. …and you may end up fired.
Sincerely,
D.Manchione,
College Station, Tx.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
33
Crabapple Buck says:
Just to be clear. Holly, are you willing to remove your orange and white checkerboard bra for the commentariat? If you are, then sign me up for a lifetime subscription.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
34
Bobby Decatur says:
AND HE’S NOT USING THE IRONY FONT.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
35
poguemahone says:
Guys, Holly is probably still drinking away painful memories of a loss to Wyoming. On homecoming.
Spare her the “I’m-twice-your-age-and-getting-my-internets-mack-on” routine for once.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
36
devin says:
This has absolutely nothing to do with the tense and delicately veiled sexism current already running through these comments, but…
But when it comes to the weight loss ads, why do we get NAKED guy and FULLY CLOTHED girl?
November 13th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
37
Der Schatten says:
How much do I have to pony up to make this happen, O? The thought of Pam Ward…mmmm….positively narcoleptic
November 13th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
38
Brian says:
If you started this magazine, you would have to purchase a football grotto, and that would be sweet. You could even have a coast-to-coast chain of “EDSBS Players’ Clubs.” So many possibilities.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
39
Holly says:
I’m really confused as to why we don’t have a grotto already. We could use it as a giant cooler.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
40
bevo says:
If I pay now for 12 breathingly amazing issues, do I get my choice of EDBS jorts or EDBS coozie?
November 13th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
41
PeayHog says:
Hooded sweatshirt
Hooded sweatshirt
C’mon baby hooded sweatshirt!
November 13th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
42
DC Trojan says:
Holly @ 39 – because if you use the grotto as a cooler you have to have a special waiver from the Health Department for visits from tOSU fans. And there’s always the risk of finding Matt Leinart reliving the glory days with 5 barely-legal groupies somewhere in the back. Really, it’s not worth the trouble.
November 13th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
43
Flatlander says:
I, for one, cannot wait for the Buzz Bissinger profile of Jon Tenuta, “Eyes Eyes Hit Them On The Rise”. Surely this is in the works…
November 13th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
44
okiedomer says:
i wish someone would objectify me
*sigh*
November 13th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
45
Touchdown74 says:
How about Mark Mangino as the first centerfold? Just sayin…
November 13th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
46
Anonymous IV says:
#45, a centerfold featuring the heavies of the college football world. Or the daily caloric intake of a lineman. So where do we send money to make this happen?
November 13th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
47
Doug says:
As a proud post-victory exhibitionist, I volunteer to be the first centerf . . . wait, where’d everybody go?
As for Taint magazine, nothing they ever did was as incisive or down-and-dirty as this special report from “The Daily Show” –
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=114553&title=level-of-taint
November 13th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
48
tzubear says:
@ 44
Hilarious. +1 Okiedomer.
What scared me about the inclusion of ’stunning nude pictorials of striking journalists’ is I took that as Orson talking about himself, not good looking women. The baby devil outfit he superimposed his face on freaks me out enough.
November 13th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
49
hlh says:
I’m still laughing about bevo’s EDBS edition.
Ebonics issue?
November 13th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
50
yoyofutbawl says:
OhioDawg-
HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS! That’s that chart-topping man UNKNOWN HINSON kinda BIG $$$$$$.
November 13th, 2008 at 4:37 pm