BLIND ITEM, OR WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BRING A TOWEL
by Orson on Nov 13, 2008 3:42 PM EST
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PrintBlind item! Names and conference deleted to protect the innocent!
My dad works at a bank with about 2 or 3 guys that were/used to be [conference deleted] officials. They said that they always would have a meeting before the game with the two head coaches just to run over everything real quick. Apparently, [coach's name] would walk in completely naked and sit in a chair during the whole meeting and act like it was normal. This happened to them a few times and then the next time they had to officiate a [university] game, [coach's name] came in with a towel on. After the meeting, they found out that some other officiating crew had complained to the [conference deleted] front office and they said that he had to wear at least a towel from now on to the meetings. Pretty gross.
Right now, we just cast you in your own little private Saw. Choose one, and suffer pain no matter what happens. Also, further proof of Douglas Adams being the single greatest mind of his time in stating the two basic rules of the universe applying to any situation: 1. Don't panic, and 2. Always bring a towel. If only the participants had adhered to these, we'd all be so, so much happier right now.
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Nothing’s ever been more obvious to me: it’s [NAME REDACTED].
by now_a_hoo on Nov 13, 2008 3:46 PM EST reply actions
That, my friends, is Barry Switzer level craziness and Barry Switzer alone.
by BuckeyeDomer on Nov 13, 2008 3:48 PM EST reply actions
That’s a dang coaching mistake!!!!!!!! …. the referees are preparing their tails off, and the coaches are screwing it up…..by coming to meetings as GOD MADE US!!! YAAAARRRGH!!!!!!
Had to be John L.
by Microscopic Elvis on Nov 13, 2008 3:54 PM EST reply actions
Speaking of Mangino, isn’t it time for another REEEEEMMMIIIIIX?
by ChasingMizzou on Nov 13, 2008 3:54 PM EST reply actions
Pretty sure he coaches for a school that shares a name with a brand of toothpaste.
by Chili on Nov 13, 2008 4:02 PM EST reply actions
Slick Rick, no question.
Prior to those meetings, he’s getting his massage with a happy ending.
by Brian O'Blivion on Nov 13, 2008 4:02 PM EST reply actions
I knew the REAL reason Phillip Fulmer was fired would be revealed sooner or later.
by decemberist on Nov 13, 2008 4:08 PM EST reply actions
Re #10: Really? Where the fuck is Aquafresh University?
My vote: Fulmer. (Mindbleach not included.)
by DevilGrad on Nov 13, 2008 4:09 PM EST reply actions
The mystery of Pat Dye’s pants is officially closed.
by jonhnny douche on Nov 13, 2008 4:09 PM EST reply actions
Naked boy revealed…
Barry Motherfuckin’ Switzer.
by IM A MAN IM FORTY on Nov 13, 2008 4:12 PM EST reply actions
No question it’s Barry Switzer.
Or Charlie Weis, pre-gastric bypass. Nightmare fuel for days.
by Anything but Gatorade on Nov 13, 2008 4:17 PM EST reply actions
Devilgrad- I believe he meant Colgate.
Orson- are you running some king of social experiementon us? There has been an awful lot naked guy talkan imagery this week.
by tzubear on Nov 13, 2008 4:22 PM EST reply actions
And this is weird because…? Does it help that I lost 46 lbs in two weeks? —Naked Guy
by Claws on Nov 13, 2008 4:28 PM EST reply actions
#3, 16: The subtle reference to a deleted conference is a dead giveaway. I think this might come from a likewise deleted chapter from “The Courting of Marcus Dupree”
by jakldawg on Nov 13, 2008 4:28 PM EST reply actions
I heard this exact sames story about a year ago, and the redacted names were Big 12 Conference and Mark Mangino. And if ever EDSBS had use for a nightmare fuel tag, this would be it.
by Tim on Nov 13, 2008 4:29 PM EST reply actions
OK—we’re working in the past tense. This could have only happened in the SEC, Big 8 or Southwest Conference pre-internet.
So, it was Switzer or it WAS/IS internet age material and we are talking GIGGITY-level crazy. It could ONLY be one of those two.
by Counter Trap on Nov 13, 2008 4:35 PM EST reply actions
It was Ron Prince and he was wearing a Power Towel!! Bring it to every game.
by ToddlyKSU on Nov 13, 2008 4:37 PM EST reply actions
@ 26
Now, more than ever, Carolina prefers to have jock itch, or Butch Davis, than Dick Crum.
by Coop on Nov 13, 2008 4:52 PM EST reply actions
I’m intrigued as to how the offender thought this method would help his team.
by Brian on Nov 13, 2008 5:08 PM EST reply actions
Joe Pa….
…once an old guy’s nuts start to dangle to their knees (or as my Grand Daddy Johnnie used to say, “Boy, you know you’re getting old when your balls hang in the water when yer sh!ttin”) they start to take some sort a warped pride in that…
by Mich-Placed Gator on Nov 13, 2008 5:39 PM EST reply actions
given there is a conference to contend with we can safely assume it was not weis. so we avoid at least one horrible nightmare to wake in a cold sweat from early tomorrow morning.
by kleph on Nov 13, 2008 6:03 PM EST reply actions
Just the type of mind bending trick Woody Hayes would dream up.
He once started the first coaches meeting of the season with a four hour speech about Mao Tse Tung. Then he handed out tests to see if his coaches would listen to what he said no matter what.
Slugging an opposing player during a game was just the last straw, guys.
by sullivan013 on Nov 13, 2008 7:17 PM EST reply actions
Mangino,since fat guys avoid clothes til the last minute to avoid drenching the velour tracksuit with buckets o’ sweat….especially coaches who are fat and wake up sweating….it could be 60 degrees and he would look like he has been doing cardio for 2 hours.
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Nov 13, 2008 11:09 PM EST reply actions
+1 billion cocktails all around.
fine work gents, fine work
by jon on Nov 14, 2008 9:05 AM EST reply actions
Saban does come to mind. “What the fuck’s the matter with you? Afraid to look at my cock??”
by Vol on Nov 14, 2008 9:51 AM EST reply actions
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