ILLINOIZE IN THE SYSTEM WITH [NAME REDACTED]

by Orson on Nov 10, 2008 12:38 PM EST

Jeff Allen, Illini lineman: The divergent styles of leadership fascinate me, Jon.

Jon Asamoah, Fellow Illini lineman: Me, too. Their endless variations, the ever-changing dynamics of leadership.

Jeff: I know. For instance, take my high school coach. Way more of an autocratic messiah type. Every problem was his to solve, and only solvable through his individually intuited experience, not through the input of others.

Jon: That's good in the initial phase of a crisis, but after a while didn't the team feel irrelevant to the experience? That's one of the limitations to the autocrat/messiah type. His is a solipsism functioning as the core experience of a group, a contradiction that in most group dynamics cannot sustain itself without the deleterious effects of a cult forming around it.

Jeff: That's exactly why I like these chats of ours, Jon. You listen and think at the same time.

[A gray-haired man bursts into their conversation.]

[NAME REDACTED]: YOU GOTTA GRIP THE COCK OF VICTORY CLOSE TO THE BASE!!! LIKE THIS!!! WE'RE DOWN BUT YOU GOTTA GRAB IT LIKE THIS BOYS!!!

Jon: Why thank you. You know, I sometimes feel like we have this understanding some people here don't have about leadership.

Jeff: The illusion of singular control. The myopia of authoritarianism.

Jon: Exactly! Don't for get the need to delegate responsibly and help others make sure they feel their job is both their own, and necessary for the good of the whole.

Jeff: Precisely, friend. Balance is all in this process.

[NAME REDACTED:] ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING WE ARE DOWN 20 TO WESTERN FUCKING MICHIGAN IN THE FIRST QUARTER I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN SEVENTEEN YEARS HANG CLEAN THE COCK! THE COCK OF VICTORY YOU'VE GOT TO GRAB IT BY THE BASE AND YANK, BOYS, YANK!!!!

Jon: Precisely. Intensity's just another variable in the mix a leader needs to apply.

Jeff: I'm so glad we have these chats, Jon. Is he talking again?

Jon: Talking's one word for it, Jeff.

[NAME REDACTED]: JUICE! JUICE! THE COCK OF VICTORY! WE WILL GRAB IT WITH A QUICK KICK ON 3RD DOWN TOGETHER!

Jeff: The autocrat/messiah type, you say?

Jon: Yes. Let us review our case studies after the game, and then relax with the John Adams miniseries and a nice bottle of Cotes du Rhone, shall we?

Jeff: Sounds lovely.

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Comments

Ron Zook for Frat house president

by UfJim on Nov 10, 2008 1:01 PM EST reply actions

It’s so charming when players take after their coaches. From the linked article (emphasis mine):

“I was thinking we were going to be a better team than we were last year, and we were going to do better things,” a shell-shocked Arrelious Benn said.

Let’s count the checklist: better and better and shell-shocked after a loss. Almost spooky considering he’s been at Illinois less than two years.

by Year2-Dave on Nov 10, 2008 1:01 PM EST reply actions

You see, this is what higher admissions and qualifying requirements has wrought in college football. The NCAA has trifled with the cock of victory…

by beast in 'bama on Nov 10, 2008 1:05 PM EST reply actions

The Cock of Victory

…and so it was that another EDSBS meme was born. That Dog approves.

by PeteJayhawk on Nov 10, 2008 1:07 PM EST reply actions

Hey Orson,

Not sure if you’ve seen this.
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3693334

by faus182 on Nov 10, 2008 1:15 PM EST reply actions

I drove around Detroit before the game, trying to wager cash money on a cockfight.

Instead after the game I spent my money on blow, to help me forget the pain of that loss.

GREAT JOB RON! (Both of them!)

by Fire Ron Guenther on Nov 10, 2008 1:15 PM EST reply actions

Only a solipsistic bastard would use the word solipsism.

Be desireless, be excellent, be gone………

by The Stos on Nov 10, 2008 1:17 PM EST reply actions

Ahhh yes, [Name Redacted]! Now my Buckeyes get to face the other side of the coin with [Name Redacted]‘s team turning into the Joe Montana led 49’ers. Gotta love that fucking goofball.

by justanotherbuckeye on Nov 10, 2008 1:24 PM EST reply actions

I bet his breath smells like inevitability

by haveagreatday on Nov 10, 2008 1:27 PM EST reply actions

The John Adams miniseries requires a vintage port…at a minimum, a well travelled Madeira. Frickin’ amateurs, but they are Illini, after all…

by sb on Nov 10, 2008 1:28 PM EST reply actions

The juxtaposition between patois and acrolect was well done, although confusing

Please continue.

by hlh on Nov 10, 2008 1:31 PM EST reply actions

The Cock of Victory was a tag on the Wolverine Liberation Army this weekend. So it may become an EDSBS meme, but it was originated elsewhere.

by Other Chris on Nov 10, 2008 1:32 PM EST reply actions

Once again, thank you Mississippi State.

by hobeg8r on Nov 10, 2008 1:41 PM EST reply actions

I thought Spurrier was the Cock of Victory.

(No offense Orson, I mean that as in Gamecock.)

by sevenDs on Nov 10, 2008 1:51 PM EST reply actions

As aside, shouldn’t there be a rule that Fox shouldn’t be allowed to broadcast the BCS?

Watching football is like putting in the time to date a girl, and Fox is the other dude who gets to step in and take care of business on the wedding night.

by Ltrain on Nov 10, 2008 1:54 PM EST reply actions

O-
I assume you, like most bloggers, don’t necessarily have control over the banner ads that are shown on your site – but the Stetson ad w/ Tom Brady….

http://www.mimifroufrou.com/scentedsalamander/i/Tom%20Brady%20Original%20Stetson%20Ad2.jpg

that was showing up previously, but the girl was cropped out of it.

Tom Brady. Shirtless. In a fur lined coat.

Are the demographics for EDSBS making a shift towards teh ghey? I had to look at a Mandom ad just to get that image out of my head.

by vegas_buckeye on Nov 10, 2008 2:07 PM EST reply actions

Cock of Victory, eh? And all these years I though victory had a vagina – you know, both starting with a “v” and always eluding me. Not that there’s anything wrong with grabbing victory cock.

by Double Eagle on Nov 10, 2008 2:10 PM EST reply actions

Ltrain @ 15: that is very much an aside. But I agree nonetheless.

Speaking of asides, we all agree that [NAME REDACTED] looks like Lumbergh, right? As in “Lumbergh fucked her.”

by Jason on Nov 10, 2008 2:17 PM EST reply actions

Let’s recap:

Thanks to the Croominator (circa ’04) we have Urban Meyer as the head coach of the University of Florida Gator football team, instead of … that.

Everytime I see or hear Zook, an apparition of the word “troglodyte” begins to float before my eyes.

by DHC on Nov 10, 2008 3:25 PM EST reply actions

vegas_buckeye: as someone who has worked in the “internet marketing” industry, I can tell you that the cookies that are in your browser can affect which banner adds will display for you (in order to better target a market). obviously, the the “sex with animals” sites you visit are triggering the “Tom Brady” keys.

Orson, if you’d have worked Cock of Victory into your “letter to Tim Tebow by Philipino foreskin donor” post, it might’ve won a Nobel Prize.

by bj on Nov 10, 2008 4:19 PM EST reply actions