Peter’s jet-setting lifestyle has him in the a-yer tonight, so we will be doing the show tomorrow at 9:00 p.m. EDT. Don’t rip your heart out over it or anything.

(NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART)

Are you even listening? (No.)

Auburn fans, you go feel free to celebrate with a shot after each touchdown scored by the Tigers this season. At the rate the plate-tectonics attack on the Plains grinds out points, you might even get slightly buzzed at one point this season! YAY SPREAD ARFENSE!!!

If you are a Texas Tech fans, though, and someone proposes you do a shot after each TD? This person is trying to steal your kidneys, your wallet, your virtue, or all three. This is only permissable and understandable within the city limits of New Orleans, and should be kept there.

Texas Tech scored eight TDS against OK State Saturday night…and that didn’t count “bonus shots” administered to the poor shirtless bastard seen below.

Guns up! If you would like to see the perfect match of footage and music that caused the sexy towel-riding in the preceding video, click the jump and be prepared: Texas Tech always shoots to thrill.

(more…)

…is brought to you by WBGV, who opines on the bizarre offensive mutations of the formerly unstoppable Firecouchbone:

Do we not scout? Do we not have a gameplan? Do we not know what the other team is going to do and how to react? Do we not practice during the week and prepare?

West Virginia’s fans are prepared, at least.

Ahh, the undeniable cri de coueur of a fan stuck in post-greatness coaching comedown. The fun for West Virginia fans looking for statistical poo to throw at their coaches is only starting: with Pat White, Dorrell Jalloh, and Jock Sanders, the offense has gone from the 15th in total offense in the nation to 72nd and fallen from 3rd nationally in 2007 to 14th overall in rushing offense.

The big emphasis on the pass Stewart mentioned before the season? Like-a-this?

“I think you’ll see a more diversified Pat White,” Stewart said. “He’s a very good passer. The guy’s got touch. He’s going to be even more exciting for the game of college football.”

The West Virginia passing offense ranked 114th in 2007. The emphasis on the pass has improved them to 106th in the nation, or ahead of only Syracuse in the Big East in that department.

Jeff Allen, Illini lineman: The divergent styles of leadership fascinate me, Jon.

Jon Asamoah, Fellow Illini lineman: Me, too. Their endless variations, the ever-changing dynamics of leadership.

Jeff: I know. For instance, take my high school coach. Way more of an autocratic messiah type. Every problem was his to solve, and only solvable through his individually intuited experience, not through the input of others.

Jon: That’s good in the initial phase of a crisis, but after a while didn’t the team feel irrelevant to the experience? That’s one of the limitations to the autocrat/messiah type. His is a solipsism functioning as the core experience of a group, a contradiction that in most group dynamics cannot sustain itself without the deleterious effects of a cult forming around it.

Jeff: That’s exactly why I like these chats of ours, Jon. You listen and think at the same time.

[A gray-haired man bursts into their conversation.]

(more…)

The arrows may or may not be right–we’ve submitted multiple, angsty drafts at this point, and the deltas may be completely scrambled now–but the muddle is totally real. Sometime after 8 or 9, this goes to shit completely and totally.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Alabama	—
2	Texas Tech	—
3	Texas	2
4	Florida	—
5	Oklahoma	1
6	Southern Cal	2
7	Penn State	4
8	Ohio State	2
9	Utah	2
10	Boise State	3
11	Oklahoma State	4
12	Missouri	6
13	Pittsburgh	11
14	Georgia	—
15	Michigan State	1
16	North Carolina	10
17	Florida State	9
18	Brigham Young	8
19	Cincinnati	2
20	Virginia Tech	6
21	TCU	12
22	South Carolina	4
23	West Virginia	11
24	Ball State	1
25	Tulsa	—

Yes, it sucks. To be frank, we don’t even like our number one at this point. Alabama’s offense has spells of crapulence, and their signature wins against Georgia, Clemson, and LSU look less impressive with each passing week of 2008 Georgia/Clemson/LSU football. (Defense: optional!)

Texas? Sure. Guesswork. It’s all just lunchmeat thrown on the asses of so many miserable groupies at this point. (PAPA ROACH YEAAAHHH!!!!) The randomized excellence of the Big 12 South right now forces us to put Texas above Oklahoma because they beat them. Otherwise Oklahoma score points like a mid-debate fired-up Christopher Hitchens on his second bottle of sherry on anyone they choose to annihilate.

The rest: hopeless. The easy crutches are all gone. Pittsburgh? Really? Michigan State? Don’t make us rank Virginia Tech, life; no please, do not make us rank them, or Minnesota, who has the thinnest 7-2 record in the nation. Michigan and Tennessee being decent made this 8 percent easier in the good old days, but now we’re left in the soup line ladling out Cincinnati and TCU gruel. Spare us a dime. This season has left us bereft of solid rankings, and a bailout is needed.

Florida is recruiting a 6′ 4″, 240 lb. quarterback out of Fort Pierce, Florida. He’s very excited about his first visit to Florida.

That’s Virgin…Isaac Virgin. Florida’s staff promises to be gentle, son. All bets are off once you get to Alpha Room and the Judgment of the Masked Men, though. (HT: DW.)