FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW: TCU AT UTAH

Welcome to our Factor Five Five Factor Preview of TCU at Utah. A gift from the gods dropped into your lap in the midst of the football week, the matchup between the Horned Frogs and the Utes keeps the winner alive in the token BCS Rogue Bastard slot and sends the loser streaking back to smoking obscurity the second or third spot in the outstandingly competitive Mountain West. who as we like to remind you owns the Pac-10 this year lock, stock, and barrel.

Category one: Nebulous Statistical Comparisons of Dubious Validity. 9 to 0, or the ratio of touchdowns to interceptions thrown by TCU qb Andy Dalton since his return from a knee injury three games ago. Like many a defensively minded coach, Gary Patterson goes run first and stays run first unless he has to, but passing-wise TCU has been as efficient and effective as a good cooler working a rowdy roadside bar.


Dalton prepares the way champions do: covered in canola oil.

They'll also line up Jeremy Kerley in the shotgun and have him do the Tebow Smash, something that was very effective against BYU in the 32-7 rout of the Cougars.

BYU defenders looked like cavalrymen riding into the teeth of a sputtering Gatling Gun against the look, so expect at least a hint of that tonight against the Utes.

The Nebulous State of Dubious Statistical Validity for Utah: 13, the number of points the Utes scored against New Mexico. Offenses have shitty days, and they don't get much more shitty-ish than getting dinged by New Mexico's defense. Utah will eclipse this number, but they do tend to spurt out points in bunches and then go dead for stretches of the game.

Advantage: Utah. Their offense won't be stuffed two games in a row.

Utah, You've been factor'd!

Category Two: Mascot:

You can take your chances with a punk buzzard of some sort, or you can trust the most abbed-up and ripped mascot on the planet, SuperFrog.


He made you a painting. It's violent and sexual.

Advantage: TCU

TCU, you've been factor'd!

Category Three: Aura. While they still lost to Oklahoma, TCU managed to hold the Sooners to 35 points, their lowest total on the season and testament to the top-to-bottom quality of their zone-blitz-heavy defensive scheme. Yes, we just complimented TCU for "only giving up 35" to the Sooners. Check the balance sheet: in a long list of razed cities, they held out against the Golden Horde longest.

Utah's marquee win thus far came against a Michigan team apparently suffering from a teamwide outbreak of Guillain-Barre syndrome, as they've degenerated and slowly lost function over the course of the season, but will come back soon enough.

Advantage: TCU.

TCU, You've Been Factor'd!

Category Four: Names. Utah spits fire here: Boo Andersen, Zane Beadles, Colt Sampson...just a superb bag of monikers all around. Yet we cannot award them the point so long as this man breathes on their sideline and wears the colors of Texas Christian University:

Starting out your kid as a member of the Peerage? Simply brilliant. He is but waiting for a woman to come woo him, for she may have title in exchange for a yearly allowance of five hundred pounds paid directly to the Demarco Bledsoe estate. The only player in college football whose injury report might read "Out 1-2 weeks, Fox Hunting." Well, besides the esteemed LaRod Stephens-Howling of Pitt, of course.

Advantage: TCU

TCU, You've been factor'd!

Grudges? Scores to settle? Sheer cussedness? TCU lost 27-20 last year--ooh, fresh revenge points! However, TCU has also lost four out of its last five with Utah, meaning revenge, while overdue on balance, hasn't been on the menu often.

Utah, you've been factor'd!

EDSBS FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW SUM: 3-2, TCU You've Been Factor'd! Reminder: THIS MEANS BET ON THE OTHER TEAM, especially when we're writing about the Moutnain West.

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