PRESIDENT-ELECT SWINDLE'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

How can you say that you believe in hot ass? I haven’t seen a Bunda Friday in months. Years.

I’m everloyal and I approve of this criticism of Swindle’s lack of bunda-posting.

What’s that about Penn State? I can’t hear you over the sound of Ole Miss beating UF at home…

Is that Spaghetti Cat on the left?

Longcat is looooooooong.

This is a solid platform, but I can’t in good conscience vote for a candidate who doesn’t strongly support hot chicks making out in bars and occassionally experimenting with bisexuality and/or threesomes. Also, I’d like to hear your thoughts on men wearing capri pants, public nudity, the pussification of football through roughing the passer abuse, scotch as a breakfast food and the wearing of white after Labor Day.

Harris @ #5…I’m with you except for the “men wearing capris”…I just don’t care…but scotch for breakfast is a platform I can support whole heartedly.

immike @ #2…liar…it was silent when Ole Miss beat Florida in the Swamp…what are you really doin’ in there?

We think it made a noise like GIGGITY!, actually.

Hey Orson, saw you on PBS the other night, didn’t realize you were a POW w/McCain back in the day.

Actually, the two cats are allegories relating to the SEC Champsionship Game.

One symbolizes Nick Saban, the other Urban Meyer. Orson has left it up to you to determine which is which.

I always knew it would only be a matter of time before the C.R.E.A.M. Party was able to take power.

I like a hot ass as much as the next person, but what will be done about the off season? There are 120 teams and 365 days in a year. I demand more college football in a true round robin fashion to see who really is the national champion and a return to the option by Nebraska and Oklahoma.

Go Bears! Abajo Sanchez!

Two words – Lisa Salters.

I’m glad we had this little talk.

I didn’t realize this place was a democracy. I thought it was a totalitarian regime. But one like UAE, who’se got enough money to give to the plebes to keep ’em quite and the regime intact.

As O goes, so goes my nation.

And it was more of a “Giggity!” but I don’t hear that anymore. All I hear is the sound of the football soundly striking the upright. So, I’m good.

Sup EDS/b/S?

“- To continue to piss Penn State fans off by pointing out their weak schedule and lack of a title game, something they cannot help but so sad for you, this is life. "
Conference title games are overrated. What’s that? Your conference crowns a better champion by virtue of playing on extra game? Bull$hit! You play that game so your league can split up an extra TV paycheck 12 ways. There are only 2 BCS conferences that crown true champions: The Pac-10 and Big East. Those are the only 2 leagues where every team plays each other.
I can’t disagree with the weak schedule argument however. I think it will be most appropriate if Joe Paterno concludes his final season undefeated, but not No. 1! That would make it like the 13th time he’s done that, right?

Thankfully the President-elect has dropped the, “just because I never played a down of organized football and have never gotten hit, or hit someone, on the gridiron does not mean that I am less qualified to discuss football…” from his platform.

It was like a college football version of George Will in that SNL Jeopardy sketch, which ended with Lasorda and Mike Schmidt chasing Will off the stage.

Anyway, I like this President-elect better than the other two candidates, so I approve.

Perhaps next time a rape of Georgia is about to take place both parties will follow the advice of the President-Elect and show restraint.

Which we cannot say with respect to Urban Meyer if he chances to come across a richly undeserving Penn State in the title game. In that context we would urge Mafeo Barbarini’s namesake to seek (and we are confident that he will attain if he does so seek) to achieve the margins of the President-Elect on Manhattan’s Upper West Side.

#16: The championship game offsets the unbalanced schedule, which is a byproduct of having more than 8 members in your conference. Fully half of the Big 12’s conference championship games have been between teams that didn’t meet in the regular season – 1996, 1997, 1998, 2003, 2004, 2006. I’m not going to go research the other conference title games, but you can’t say the ones I listed were just about TV money.

To add to that, the football season is only 12 weeks long. Setting the standard for “true” conference championship at playing your entire conference is difficult unless you want to severely cut back non-conference play.

Might I suggest Lindsey Soto as the new icon/goddess?

She’s lovely.

I still say lets drag Jill Arrington out of retirement. Arrington > Andrews any day.

Waaaay back in the day I ran into her at an LSU/Arkansas game. She was wearing black shiny pants and a red angora sweater; VERY unusual for a CBS personality to wear such an outfit. I have no idea who won the game that day…but I will go to my dying day remembering what her ass looked like in those tight pants.

Y’know, if you don’t needlessly add extra teams to your conference in a shameless money grab, you can play a round-robin schedule without too much difficulty. Ask the Big Ten, Big East, Mountain West, WAC, and Sun Belt about this. It’s a nifty idea. Works pretty well.

Plus, if you refrain from such policies, then BC and Penn State are in the Big East, where they belong, and USF is still a mid-major.

Since the moustache comments are closed, I’d like to say here:

I never thought I’d see the day! No, not that a person of color could become president. But, politics on EDBS?!

From some of the comments, O, perhaps the moustache should have been only about nose-width, but tall.

Dangit, I remember when people used to make fun of US….

-Pants, Ohio State fan…

#23..

You are 110% correct good sir.

Remember Jill’s tennis days at the U and there is no finer an ass to ever grace the sideline. Shalalas a damn close second though.

@ #26 – If the Shalala you’re referring to is Donna, then I think I just threw up a little bit…no, a lot…in my mouth.

23- Neither the Big Ten nor the Mountain West plays a round robin schedule. Not sure about your other three examples. I only follow big boy conferences.