STACEY DALES HAS HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF ERIN ANDREWS
by Orson on Nov 3, 2008 10:53 AM EST
44 comments
Big Daddy Drew continues his media-kkake going by making a guest post today. It involves a catfight. You'll like it because they might kiss! Buy Men With Balls today, or we'll never do Friday Cheesecake again.
(Saturday night. Lubbock, TX)
Erin: Well, Coach, ya finally got over the hump! How happy are you for your kids? (smiles radiantly)
Mike Leach: Oh, Im very happy for them, Erin. But you know who the real winner was tonight? Plane geometry. You see, by employing 10-foot splits between the offensive lineman and having Michael Crabtree run nothing but hitch routes, I think the children of the world tonight have finally realized what a vital role spatial targeting plays in this game.
Erin: (bats eyelashes) Tell me more.
Mike Leach: Oh, Erin. What are ya talking to me for? The real reason these kids are so excited is because they get to talk to you! Look at Graham Harrell blushing over in the corner.
Erin: Oh. Hes so sweet!
(phone rings)
Erin: Oh, wait. Just a moment, coach. I apologize. Hello?
Stacy: Knock it off, bitch.
Erin: Excuse me?
Stacy: You heard me, you whore. Stop flirting with all your interviewees.
Erin: Flirting? Me? I dont know what youre talking about. Coach Leach and I have a very professional relationship. Which is why I can give him playful punches to the shoulder and trade late night text messages with him. (playfully punches coach Leach) Right, coach Leach?
Stacy: No, thats the very definition of flirting, you filthy fucking strumpet. And another thing: Stop giggling.
Erin: Giggling? (giggles) I dont know what youre talking about!
Stacy: There! You just did it there, you little fuckstop! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DONT KNOW YOURE FUCKING HOT!
Erin: Me? Hot? (smiles radiantly) NO WAY! Oh my God, Im such a nerd!
Stacy: Sure you are, honey. Im sure every nerd out there has an ass tighter than a volleyball, a rack you run a bumper car into, and the kind of golden, wavy hair you only see in a goddamn Pantene ad. Youre about as nerdy as Mick Jagger, you lousy mynx.
Erin: But its true! I AM a nerd! (flips hair) Oh my God, in high school, I was such a TOMBOY!
Stacy: Holy shit. Not the tomboy thing again
Erin: (tilts head and allows bangs to gorgeously drape over side of face) I was! Oh my God, we had baseball cards and everything. I was such a tomboy.
Stacy: ZOMG! You must have been just like Mary Stuart Masterston in Some Kind Of Wonderful! You lying little hussy. I bet you were so hot in high school that your whole goddamn life was one giant Designer Impostors body spray ad. When a man youve never met before suddenly gives you flowers thats the power of little Erins magic cooch. YOU CUNT.
Erin: Look, what do you want out of me?
Stacy: I want you to admit it. Admit youre a smoking hot little cockbox. Admit that most men would happily desert their families just for the chance to stick one between your uprights. Admit you put real thought into wearing that Banana Republic cowl neck top with matching pencil skirt.
Erin: Oh, this? I just threw this on.
Stacy: BULLFUCKINGSHIT! You calibrated that outfit for maximum fuckability, you little cockubine. Listen, all I ask is that you stop ignoring the fucking obvious. Look at me. Im an attractive woman. But you dont see me dressing to the nines and then trying to tell everyone how much of a slob I am. So knock it off, little Miss Project Sideline. Otherwise, Im gonna run into you one day. And when I do, Im gonna grab your hair and drag you fifty fucking yards. Then Im gonna tear your clothes off and wrestle you to the ground, and smear mud all over you, and draw you into the kind of catfight that will have every man watching ejaculating like a goddamn water fountain.
Erin: Im sorry, but I just dont know what youre talking about. Im just hanging out with my buddy, coach Leach! (gently places hand on Leachs back, smiles so radiantly it can be seen from space, arches back ever so slightly to exaggerate prominence of breasts)
Stacy: Oh, Jesus.
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Orson. Buddy. That made me uncomfortable and if you knew me you would know that is damn near impossible.
by Tractorr on Nov 3, 2008 11:01 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
This is the type of work that makes my dual degrees absofuckinglutely useless. Damn I wish I can write like this.
by Burritobrosshits on Nov 3, 2008 11:06 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Nothing’s better than a good catfight.
by yoyofutbawl on Nov 3, 2008 11:12 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
At the risk of sounding political, I am very pro-catfight.
by meatybob on Nov 3, 2008 11:17 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Sorry for the threadjack, but Fulmer is OUT
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3679810
by Jin in Jax on Nov 3, 2008 11:19 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
I had to look up who Stacy Dales is – she plays / comments on some sport called basket-ball? Huh.
More importantly: this threat about no Friday cheesecake is an empty one. You’re not bringing it back – I know it, you know it, and the American people know it.
by DC Trojan on Nov 3, 2008 11:24 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Pat White doesnt care who she flirts with… just as long as she keeps coming home to him…
by beckett929 on Nov 3, 2008 11:25 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
BTW, appropos of nothing (and I’m sure extensive coverage will follow on these premises) but it would seem Phat Phil wil be bidding goodbuye to Knoxville.
Not exactly shocking.
by marcillac on Nov 3, 2008 11:27 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
As much as I hate to go off topic here, ESPN is reporting that UT will announce Fulmer’s resignation this afternoon in KnoxVegas; he will coach out the rest of the year.
Back to the heavy sweating….
by sjs1959 on Nov 3, 2008 11:28 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
I for one am happy that Alex Flanagan joined the NBC team. On top of taking a bit of the creep off of that announcing team, II think she stacks up very well against EA or any of the others.
by AllWhoYonder on Nov 3, 2008 11:29 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
somebody’s gotta get a screen grab of the kid wearing the Florida shirt at the Obama rally here in J-ville
by Jmuthaf'nT on Nov 3, 2008 11:29 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Seriously, nothing yet about Captain Donut being gone?
by Tom on Nov 3, 2008 11:31 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Stacy Dales still has those full lips and puffy cheeks. Like a mythological suckubus.
by Rawk on Nov 3, 2008 11:32 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
“the kind of golden, wavy hair you only see in a goddamn Pantene ad”
I respectfully disagree, sir. Erin Andrews has the kind of synthetic hair you only see at the bottom of Britney Spears’s trashcan. Her extensions don’t even look remotely real.
Now, cue the comments about how you would still lick Erin Andrew’s extensions if they were woven from Fulmer’s pubes…
by Mrs. Saban on Nov 3, 2008 11:35 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
She may be flirty with people but at least she knows what is going on and doesn’t ask dumb questions (a la Holly Rowe)
by Carolina Girl on Nov 3, 2008 11:44 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Tom—
Please see Holly’s entry up at the top now.
by Orson Swindle on Nov 3, 2008 11:47 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
I would pay many hard-earned American dollars to watch a catfight between two of my Top Five. Especially if I could assist in any post fight making out, errrr, making up.
by Raider Red on Nov 3, 2008 11:54 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Charissa Thompson (with librarian glasses on) > Erin Andrews > Stacey Dales.
by Pants McPants on Nov 3, 2008 11:57 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
O, hopefully your phone has a camera.
/Can’t wait for the beatdown pics. from the Lenox Square parking lot
by hlh on Nov 3, 2008 12:00 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Cockubine…
Maybe not original, but still priceless.
by dudis41 on Nov 3, 2008 12:04 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Stacey Dales talking college hoop >> Erin Andrews talking to a college hoopster
by Land of Os(borne) on Nov 3, 2008 12:05 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Appreciate the subtleties of Stacy in this post-game interview with the Ball Coach.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3W20f2-rM8A
by John on Nov 3, 2008 12:08 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
What, no sausage wallet reference? I’m disappointed.
by PeterPumpkinhead on Nov 3, 2008 12:22 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Stacy Dales vs Erin Andrews Dept:
The latest polls show that Ms. Dales is hotter than Ms Andrews, which I definitely agree with….
…here is Ms Dales doing a fine job with the Original Gangster, the OBC:
by Stacy Kiebler Luvs Me on Nov 3, 2008 12:29 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I am kindof confused. I havent seen EA on tv in like 3-4 weeks, and for the TTU game, it was that black lady, who is also pretty good looking, not EA, soooo…I duno. Are they phasing EA out?
by Brian on Nov 3, 2008 12:53 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I pray for an OU-Fla national championship game so Dales and Andrews can settle it on the field during halftime.
by cjames317 on Nov 3, 2008 1:54 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Brian -
I think Kirk’s wife may have a TRO on EA. She worked the Thursday game, but I forget the weekend game.
by Crabapple Buck on Nov 3, 2008 1:54 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Yea Ive heard that TRO joke once before, and as fun as it sounds, Im gonna have to go and just that Herbstreit is smart enough not to do that, since he has the sweetest fucking job on the planet. AKA get paid many hundreds of thousands (at least) to just talk about football, a sport you would be following anyways even if you weren’t being paid to do so. It would be simpler and less fallout to for him to just buy hookers if he was in such desparate need.
ESPN though, on the basis of recruiting hotties, should try and rob NESN of their two blondes, Heidi Watney and Katherine Tappan [That Ass].
by Brian on Nov 3, 2008 2:19 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
@29 – Those polls were taken of all women then. Its not even close…..Erin in a landslide. Dales looks like the ex-WNBAer that she is.
by Last Dragon on Nov 3, 2008 2:36 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I’ll be honest, after the last Florida game she did EA looked like she wanted (to quote a noted EDBS contributor) “climb Tebow like a tree” , all I’m saying is that if Tebow wasn’t “saving himself for marriage” he wouldn’t have made the lockerroom that night. Watch what happens if she scores a post-NCG interview with Timmy— he might have to bust out the stiffarm to keep her off.
by Socraticsilence on Nov 3, 2008 2:56 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Brian
Kirk is getting too much credit, he isn’t that smart. If the little head is thinking more than the big head, there is trouble. He is living proof you can be stupid and rich.
by Crabapple Buck on Nov 3, 2008 4:11 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
“Buy Men With Balls today, or well never do Friday Cheesecake again.”
You can’t threaten me like that. I find my Friday Cheesecake elsewhere.
by Abe Froman on Nov 3, 2008 4:58 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
EA walked by our tailgate in Jacksonville…it was awesome.
by KYGator on Nov 3, 2008 5:08 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
The only way for Stacy to take out her anger is to get in a strip-mudwrestling match with EA for the supreme sideline reporter. Should probably throw in some of the old Best Damn girls too, just to add to the hotness. Naked girls is the way to solve anything, really. That, or Paper, Rock, Scissors, but I prefer option A.
by southbendblarney.com on Nov 3, 2008 6:30 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I’m wondering if any of the aformentioned ladies read this blog? Their personal replies would be as golden as this entry itself. JMHO.
Oh, and +11 each to Orson for the use of the words strumpet, cockbox, cockubine, and fuckstop.
by Studley on Nov 3, 2008 7:35 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Oops, that should be +11 to Drew. +11 to Orson for letting him post this.
by Studley on Nov 3, 2008 7:43 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
That was a severely funny piece of brilliance, Drew. 100 cocktails to you.
by Signal to Noise on Nov 4, 2008 4:11 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Bruce Pearl is the man. He knows how to “handle” EA
by hobeg8r on Nov 4, 2008 9:37 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
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