FAT BOYZ IN THE BUILDING TONIGHT

Thank your for tuning in to KTLA News at 10. I’m Slap Beefchest.

In our top story, a young blond woman with fabulous hair is in custody tonight. Police arrested her this afternoon as she staggered down the 405 wearing only one shoe and a heavily soiled Tennessee Volunteers football jersey. Jack Tungsten has more.

Thanks, Slap. LAPD has identified this woman, Holly Anderson, as the woman seen in this video. As you can see, she is clearly in a state of drunken euphoria as she throws bottles of something she later called “corn likker” and flashes her bare behind at passing vehicles.

Her words are slurred and she speaks in a thick Southern accent, Slap, but I believe she is screaming, “Death to the Fat Man” and “Fulmer can suck my dick.” We’re not sure what she’s referring to here.

Police have sedated the young woman, saying she kept trying to kiss every black officer and saying, “You look like Eric Berry. Give mama some sugar.” Police have not been able to identify this “Eric Berry,” though we assume he works in some capacity with the Securities and Exchange Commission because she kept chanting, “SEC, SEC.”

Anderson has not yet been charged, but police expect to charge her with drunk and disorderly, public nudity, misdemeanor vandalism and threatening a federal official.

Reporting live from police headquarters, I’m Jack Tungsten. Back to you, Slap.

Bitch, I haven’t been blonde since high school.

The Burger King ad at the end makes it more tasty.

Severance package: Bacon double cheeseburger,curly fries, and a large strawberry milkshake?

Orson,

You are a true vulgarian, aren’t you.

“Drop them tightass pants and them Atkins fools
My belly’s not a gut, it’s a shed for my tool
Get the forklift out and you get it quick
Cause lo-carb bitches gots to suck this dick”

Ill-harious. And it passed like 5 minutes of this never-ending day before this election that has made my productivity level drop like Fat Boyz’ new album—which is when? ‘Cause I’m already in line.

Could someone with more skillz than myself please turn Mark Mangino into Baron Harkonnen, 1984 Dune style?

Bacon pies??? Man, I’ve led a sheltered life. It does explain a lot though.

It’s ain’t the hand you got,
It’s the playa,
And if we talking games
You can call me the mayor

McCheese, if you please
And you down on you knees
Sucka MCs blowin’
like a tropical breeze

Straight unfiltered genius. I’m a little disappointed that Baby Mangino didn’t come in for the chorus. Next time, perhaps.

Is there supposed to be a Beach Boys cameo in there somewhere?

/old and white-bread

MARKY M DON’T PLAY, FOOOOOOOOOOOLZ!!!!

You are a true vulgarian, aren’t you.

Claro que si!

So suggesting that you would stumble drunk and half naked down a major highway, screaming at people to suck your dick and trying to make out with a dozen or so cops isn’t a problem so long as I get your hair color right? . . . Okay, I can see that. What are going with then? Honey brown? Executioner’s black? Volunteer orange?

Thank you, sir. You make being freshly unemployed much more enjoyable.

@ Harris – it’s possible that the hair color was such a slap that Holly didn’t get to the rest of the mooted activities. Me, I’d have thought that shoes were an all-or-nothing proposition, but what would I know…

At least we can see the light at the end of the tunnel with regard to this “Clawfense” nonsense. I bet Randy Sanders is laughing his ass off.

I’m usually in the can’t spell crap without rap in it camp. But I believe between Orson, Holly and LSUFreek, the creative genius in our midst is a national treasure. I am humbled by your gifts to the football blogging world.

I’m voting for the Hall-Anderson ticket tomorrow as long as LSUFreek is in your cabinet.

I guess Sylvester Croom is now the Dean of Fat SEC Coaches. Hopefully, not for very much longer.

Fat Boy, keep them chins high
Eyes to the sky
Every playa gotta bleed
For them bacon pies

Fucking. Brilliant.

Damn that flow goes just right with Eazy-E’s “My Name is Eazy”

But… what will come of the Fulmer Cup?

The Other Fat “Ef” Dept:

Memo to ND’s Mother Superior: Please do not FIRE your fat man just yet. I want to enjoy another USC beat-down of the Dome-aniacs with Weis’ on the sidelines going nuts with spittle and snot grossing everyone out.

Hopefully, I will be forgiven for a complete inability to generate a sympathetic thought reqarding fillup’s impending departure. I only hope that we, along with Georgia and Florida, played some small part in the decision to accelerate his retirement. By the way, I would also like to place my name in the hat to replace foolmer and in doing so, assure the tennessee power base that when it comes time to fire me (say January of ’09), I will go peacefully in consideration of a mere $2,000,000 buy out.

Did you have this prewritten, like the New York Times and obituaries for famous people?

Fulmer was supposed to blow up as a rapper this season after bringing in producer M.C. Clawfense to remix his beats, but instead his game was as predictable as his previous albums, “Bitches be Krisping for my Kreme” and “K-F-See Deez Nuts”. The lone highpoint of his latest album was the opening track, “Pimping is Winning” featuring Rick Neuheisel aka “Dick Nu-bile”

I’m sure Tennessee fans were rejoicing in the streets when news broke this morning.

The Harris/Holly fight had legs. It made me overcome “The Debacle.” I need more therapy.

Holly?

As of this writing, the google ad below this post reads: “I hate my belly fat: Read how I lost 47 pounds in 3 months with no diet!” Has our perception of the once dominant chieftain of orange degenerated so much that even AdSense has no problems finding an ease of association between Fulmer-generated banter and…lard?

Yes. Yes it has.

One by one, the villians of my childhood are leaving….First the Midget (Terry Bowden), now the doughboy…..soon…..Papa Bowden.