CURIOUS INDEX, 10/31/08

by Orson on Oct 31, 2008 9:45 AM EDT

Dig for oil with them heels. The Quad goes facefirst into the Cocktail Party Trough, first introducing you to wonders of Luke and Skip, oft-cited by Dan Mullen and Tim Tebow in meetings.

You know it's HAUNTINGLY FUNNY because they use Creed to open it. Also: Dan Mullen and Tim Tebow watch a lot, a lot, a lot of film. GORY HORRIBLE FILMS (like the Ole Miss tape, for example.)

Penzance: NOT FRIGHTENING. Andy Staples wonders out loud what the retaliation would be in Jacksonville for Florida; we recommend making a FRIEND OF HORROR YOU MUST MAKE A FRIEND OF HORROR. Hopefully it will all involve rubber intestines, fake blood, and Beefcake the Mighty on bass.

A tale of horror so intense it had to happen in Cincinnati. South Florida fades again down the stretch; if you watched this game, it was apparent what they were walking into, and like gullible characters always do, they made every mistake: stubbornly pounding the run for no gain on first down, splitting up when staying together would have meant survival, allowing big plays and running into the woods when they could have made a stand in the house.

(Mardy Gilyard's hug of the kid he barreled over in the stands did earn him some serious trim, though. Women love it when you don't run screaming from children, much less hug them when they're crying. We mean: "did earn him some SPOOOOKY trim.")

Treason! Such ghoulish treason. Doug commits Dawg treason by revealing that he's not really a zombie, he's just lurching along like Sean from Sean of the Dead to blend in and avoid being devoured. Please also see his skin-crawling horrifying preview of the Cocktail Party.

We find your playcalling PETRIFYING(ly boring) Jim Tressel deals with an uncharacteristically pugnacious Buckeye press corps following SUFFOCATING boredom in a CURSED performance against a RE-ANIMATED Penn State team:

Though he pointed out that most offensive "gurus" he had heard of were selling insurance or doing commentary, his remarks on potential personnel changes or turning over the playcalling were encouraging if you count yourself in the 98% of all Buckeye fans wondering WTF is up with the offense:

Perhaps he'll go with the wishBONE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

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Comments

The Bearcats beat them last year and we’ll beat them again next year. The only odd thing that’s happened to UC this season is the loss to Connecticut. We played half that game with a 4th string QB.

UC leads the Big (l)East in passing and has 2-4 1st or 2nd team all americans on defense.

The Bulls didn’t lose the game, they were whipped. And Grothe should sign up at the Tampa police academy right now. He looks every bit as stupid as David Klinger (great college qb who failed MISERABLY in the pros).

Nippert Stadium looked great. The crowd was great. A great game all around…

And a preview of teams in black and red whipping teams from Florida.

by OhioDawg on Oct 31, 2008 9:53 AM EDT reply actions

When I read this:

“The blinds were closed, the lights were dimmed and U2 provided some light background music in a room at Floridas football complex.”

I thought that story was going a whole other direction.

by Biggus Rickus on Oct 31, 2008 9:55 AM EDT reply actions

Gurus don’t sell insurance. Gurus work as VPs of financial investment firms AND do commentary.

by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Oct 31, 2008 10:11 AM EDT reply actions

Hold on a sec, Mr Tressel. I know a bloody ton of inusrance producers pulling upwards of half a mil to play golf and exercise expense accounts.

by Bobby Decatur on Oct 31, 2008 10:16 AM EDT reply actions

Hold on a sec, Mr Tressel. I know a bloody ton of inusrance producers pulling upwards of half a mil to play golf and exercise expense accounts.

by Bobby Decatur on Oct 31, 2008 10:16 AM EDT reply actions

Those Luke & Skip vids are possibly the most unfunny funny vids I’ve seen. If you and your friends ever have an in joke that you think is terribly funny and think it’d be a great idea to film it and upload it to youtube, don’t.

by Megatron Jones on Oct 31, 2008 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

And I’d like to make half a million bucks. What must one do to become an inusrance producer?

by Megatron Jones on Oct 31, 2008 10:48 AM EDT reply actions

I’m a B.A. in English who came into insurance from the ski and snowboard film production ‘industry’, if that tells you anything….

by Bobby Decatur on Oct 31, 2008 10:54 AM EDT reply actions

Don’t you mean a ZAWMBIE?
ARP

by Holly on Oct 31, 2008 11:04 AM EDT reply actions

Anyone else who watched UC-USF last night, did you hear the band playing the theme song from The Exorcist? That was pretty cool for Oct. 30th

by MikeLew on Oct 31, 2008 11:21 AM EDT reply actions

Mardy Gilyards hug for that little kid was one of the coolest things I have seen a college athlete do in a while (I still think all of the Tebow fottage was photoshopped). Big props for him and karma had his back as he scored a few plays later… and, as mentioned, I am sure he scored many more times later that night

by TheMightyErik on Oct 31, 2008 12:58 PM EDT reply actions

What makes it even more awesome is that they are from Furman, geek central in Sakerlina.

by DrB on Oct 31, 2008 1:22 PM EDT reply actions

O., Doug’s breakdown, despite its obligatory Meyer/Tebow/Gator digs, was spot-on. Thanks for the heads-up.

by sb on Oct 31, 2008 2:53 PM EDT reply actions

EA looked like she wanted to shag Gilyard after interviewing the child.

I think what Gilyard did will not only make the best moments of the year in both sports (and College Football in particular), but it’ll also be an ESPY Nominee.

by Studley on Oct 31, 2008 11:07 PM EDT reply actions