TIPS FOR COCKTAIL PARTY TRAVEL: PART ONE.

ohmygodohmygodohmygodwhycantsaturdaygethereanyfaster?

Zurich, Barcelona and Madrid airports really aren’t THAT bad.

Oh when will those Duke boys ever learn!??

I spent a week in Jacksonville one night.

/I also once shot a man there, just to watch him die. But that’s a story for another day.

Duval isn’t understood by anyone. It is not meant to be understood, only marveled at.

Enjoy the fine eating establishments (Waffle House), culturally and racially diverse clubs (Free Bird!), politically active residents (Kill the terrorist!), and skull-crackings free of charge (anywhere west of the beaches.)

It’s one of those places that isn’t worth a visit, save the Coke Orgy, but you take some pride in growing up there.

Don’t mind the stray bullets, one-legged whores, roads without signs, and industrial complexes that stretch to the horizon. Enjoy your stay in the nine-oh-four.

Contracts up in 2010, right?

Best comment on Jacksonville was by Tony Kornheiser when he heard they were going to host the Super Bowl.

“What! Was Tuscaloosa booked?”

The only international flight I ever missed was when being hassled in the Madrid airport. Two Guardia Civil packing machine guns kept even the surliest traveler in line.

Listening to EDSBS Live right now. This is what I’ve surmised:

GEORGIA IS THE WORST FUCKING SHIT STAIN ON THE UNDERPANTS OF AMERICA!!!! GEORGIA FANS!!!! ARGH!!!!!!

But Atlanta is freaking awesome, Savannah is a great booze town, and Athens is far and away the greatest college town in the history of mankind, and all three are slap-full of Georgia fans.

The dichotomy of your life knows no bounds.

We’re perpetually in a bind, Silver Britches.

You don’t need road signs in Jax if you follow your nose. Go two miles past the egg smell, till you smell sewage, take that bridge till you smell soggy cereal hang a left and go until you smell microwaved ground beef sandwiches. If you smell ammonia you went too far.

 This weekend though, the sandwich smell will be replaced with Southern Comfort.

I can’t knock the Landing, because Atlanta’s got the Underground, which is it’s equal in the “Some taffy, two Sunglass Haven*, and a magnet store ought to draw them in” school of downtown renovation.

When Sunglass Hut gets too classy for your your world famous gathering place, you’ve got a problem.

But you can Eat in Jacksonville. Paradise Alley is perfectly capable of making the best burger in the world. Or at least they were- spent a decade there ’tween 97 and ’00. It might take them 2 hours, and it might not be what you ordered, but it will be damn fine with english pub cheese smothered on i Also, order from their selection of over 500 stale import beers!

You used to be able to get good sushi there at Yoshi’s, too, but after they closed I survived on Paradise Alley and Pint Sized triple vodka tonics at Carrabbas.

Who am I kidding, It was the time of my life. Brand New 2 bedroom townhome 100 yards from the ocean for $540 a month?! I moved the living room furniture into the patio and patio to the beach, and drank port from dixie cups all weekend while looking down on all the other pathetic souls who called that place home.

Ah the memories.

Orson – by “bind” you mean, “Drank-fueled stupor”, right?

You may also enjoy any number of water sports on our beautiful river. Be on the look out for the maneating algae though. It is a clever predator and lightning fast…for plants, anyway.

Definitely looking forward to an awesome time in Jacksonville. The college kids will be out in full force at the Landing tomorrow night. It’s a shame they charge $20 now to get in.

the last of the V-8 interceptors, it is not.

What?!!
$20 to get “into” the Landing? That cannot be correct. Serios?

@ 16.OmarBradley -

Unfortunately, yes.

Has the road construction at the at the southbound turn of 95 just north of downtown been in flux since around ’93?

That video had my redneck sense tingling.

BONUS: My wife thinks that’s a place near where she grew up.