COLT MCCOY: DECONSTRUCTED

by Orson on Oct 30, 2008 11:58 AM EDT

Le object: The Colt McCoy commercial for a Texas pharmacy, done before he signed with the University of Texas and therefore not in conflict with any NCAA regs. Examine:

Le deconstruction:

Hi, I'm Colt McCoy, local quarterback and part-time pitchman. My role today will be played by the 18 year old Will Wheaton. Golly gee shucks. Also, at Texas they will pipe protein powder into my eyeballs to make me three times the size I am now. I look forward to this glorious tranformation.

I often enjoy using their handy drive up window, where I receive the bags full of "prescriptions" I use to keep my family healthy and safe. If you'll look at the bag, they appear to be Storck Chocolate Riesen Caramels, but even at $32.50 a bag after insurance, their deliciousness is still a steal in my book.

Our pharmacy offers cocktails at all hours, including your tropical favorites like Mai-Tais and Sex on the Beach.

Wait...this is a scene from...Sleepers? THAT IS AN INNOCENT CHILD, PEDOPHARMACIST!

See, I need this medicine, kid. It helps me, like a pet monkey who travels around with me. Monkeys are cute? You like monkeys? Stop judging me. I SAID STOP JUDGING ME. Your eyes look right through me, but until you feel his grasp, kid, you can't kill this monkey, I'm telling you. STOP JUDGING ME. The monkey is never dead, kid. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn. STOP JUDGING MEEEEEE!!!!

Gifts for every occasion. Involving an exorcism or warding off the evil eye.

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Comments

The “Jim Ned Indians”?

Only in Texas, man.

Or, I suppose, anywhere south of the ol’ Masie-Dixie.

by PeteJayhawk on Oct 30, 2008 12:04 PM EDT reply actions

hic Follow the link for his current flavor of the week. very nice. “he’s had both”

hic ACQUITTED!

by Kenny Stabler on Oct 30, 2008 12:15 PM EDT reply actions

Needs more of his girlfriend in her bikini.

by GamecockTony on Oct 30, 2008 12:22 PM EDT reply actions

Gifts for every occasion… “Happy Hanukkah, Grandma! Here’s a crucifix!”

by Cowboycane on Oct 30, 2008 12:23 PM EDT reply actions

Colt looked older, more refined at whatever the hell age he is now.

Also, no “his name is Colt McCoy” tag?

by poguemahone on Oct 30, 2008 12:28 PM EDT reply actions

Now = whenever that commercial was filmed

by poguemahone on Oct 30, 2008 12:31 PM EDT reply actions

I knew they had convient drive up HgH, I just knew it……see I told ya kid, the needles wont hurt, only on the oil based products does it leave a lump…..Wheres my freakin protein MAAAAAAA!!!!

by Mr.Pelican Pants on Oct 30, 2008 12:34 PM EDT reply actions

I actually drive through Tuscola (Jim Ned) numerous times a year. It is that hick.

I do like that he hasn’t gotten over the whole sleeve push up thing.

http://img.coxnewsweb.com/B/06/43/71/image_6671436.jpg

by threenout on Oct 30, 2008 12:35 PM EDT reply actions

Don’t you dare say Colt McCoy looks refined!

Texas QBs aren’t “refined”! They’re manly, damnit!

by Texy on Oct 30, 2008 12:36 PM EDT reply actions

Where the hell is blon? O is putting her man on the ebays and interwebs and no response.

by Crabapple Buck on Oct 30, 2008 12:41 PM EDT reply actions

Shit, that kid is having the time of his life! You’ve been Vanderbeek’d….

by Tom on Oct 30, 2008 12:48 PM EDT reply actions

I bet a Catholic priest would love him a piece of Colt McCoy!

by elno lewis on Oct 30, 2008 12:52 PM EDT reply actions

I think that if it is a family owned business and he doesn’t get paid for the ad he would be legit. I remember when a Wyoming Cowboy QB whose parents owned a car dealership was on the billboard for that dealership. This was while he was a starter for them. I have no problem with it, as long as it is family owned and Colt doesn’t have his Longhorn gear on in the ad.

by Mike Hart's Bicycle on Oct 30, 2008 12:52 PM EDT reply actions