COCKTAIL PARTY TRAVEL TIPS, PART TWO

This is why Georgia Fan stays in St. Simon’s.

Arp. And whatnot.

“Take away the similarity to any actual animal and those things start going down like congressional pages during recommendation letter season. "

That’s gold, Jerry. GOLD!

Essentially the classiest place you’re going to find in the greater Jacksonville / Duval County area. Unfortunately, they will not sell you a plastic football full of beer even if you provide them with said plastic football.

Don’t forget that time-honored tradition in the South, expressed best by Reese and Ricky Bobby:
“Yep, I guess things are just about perfect… it’s making me feel kind of itchy…”
“How about we go get kicked out of an Applebee’s?”

Two words: The Fox. In Avondale.

Or four words: Beach Road Chicken Diner. On Atlantic.

Waffle House, god love em. We actually have one or two out here in Denver. A few years ago, when we had a March blizzard, four feet of snow in about 12 hours (four fucking feet!), all the restaurants were closed, the grocery stores closed, everywhere was closed, but… ahh… but the Waffle House, which was in walking distance from my apartment, beacon of hope, ray of sunshine, it was open! Much rejoicing was commenced, particularly since my supply at the apartment was limited to a box of Cheeze-It’s and a case or so of beer.

I was commuting weekly between Atlanta and Denver at the time, but now that I am a native, I know better, I always, ALWAYS keep at least two cases of beer on hand. You never know….

Yessir, them’s the only places to eat down here in Jax…an’ if’n ah wanted class ah’d go back to school, yuk, yuk, uh, ah mean arp, arp.

But seriously, if you haven’t been to the Flaming Anus (the sign says Famous Amos) on 13 you ain’t ever et. Make sure you make your food cost donations prior to leaving town at one of the many above referenced locations…

Five Guys makes a damn fine burger, and Clark’s Fish Camp in Mandarin serves every kind of meat in existance, including the most dangerous prey of all, man. That’s about it. We used to have not one, but two excellent Indian restaurants owned by the same family, but one closed and the other is under new management and not as good.

come into chew, on w adams street downtown. i’ll be working there friday night, but not saturday because i’ll be cheering on the orange abd blue!

chewrestaurant.com

those things start going down like congressional pages during recommendation letter season.

Somewhere in LA, someone just overheard Dennis Miller say “FUCK! I MISSED ONE!”

@ 8: i tried to go to clark’s about three weeks ago. it was closed because of serious flooding. i’m not certain, but it’s probably still closed.

• Relf *

The only thing worth eating at an Applebee’s is THE BLONDIE!

I swear Waffle Houses are the most effective hangover cure I’ve ever come across. Something about that wonderful, cheap, greasy shit just makes the pain go away.

You’ve got Zaxby’s, Chick-Fil-A and Hooters there. Quityerbitchin.

I was just down there for the Browns game and we ate at a Japanese place at the Landings. Good Times and medium expensive. Nothing like Sushi to make certain when you throw up on the people 2 rows in front of you over “the excitement” or horrible defenses, that it is colorful and more like artwork than puke.

Clarks Fish Camp was closed due to flooding. But it re-opened about 2 weeks ago. There are plenty of nice restaurants in the Riverside, Avondale, Beaches or San Marco parts of town.

So much nattering…

Anyway, there’s a restaurant in Newport, KY, that does, in fact, serve the asshole itself. They bill it as….you guessed it, the “meat donut.” Go ahead, I dare ya.

#12, which part of the blondie do you eat? The ass, the actual asshole, the pre-ass or the peri-ass?

I hate Applebee’s. Every time I finally find something I like on the menu, it’s gone. Their cheap draft beer is even gone now.

Clark’s is very good. I don’t think they use traditional menus, no, they use a 3-D menu. Where as every animal none to man is stuffed and mounted on the wall.

fuck, I should have left well enough alone. “known”

Charles “Chucky” Taylor, son of the former Liberian ruler, was just convicted on one count of torture.

Rennie Curran, of Liberian ancestry, will be convicted of opening one HUGE can of whoop ass on Saturday.

Try Russ Doe’s right next to the Stadium. Cheap food and plastic bags filled with water on every table!

Orson-

For breakfast/lunch, try Metro Diner on Hendricks Ave. About 5-10 minutes from downtown.

For southwestern/tex-mex, try Mossfire Grill in 5 Points. Also about 5 minutes from downtown. Great fish tacos (blackened/sushi-grade).

For sushi, try Sake House also in 5 Points.

If you’re way out at the beach, try Barbara Jean’s on Roscoe Blvd. (my personal favorite). On the Intracoastal and great seafood.

Hope this helps. Go Gators!

Every year my friends and I make the drive up from Gainesville and stay with a buddy from Jax and go to Clark’s Fish Camp on Friday night. It’s a fun time that I’m going to miss after we graduate, especially the fact that the place is always packed out with Dawgs on Friday.

My freshman year I walked past the bar on the way to the bathroom and a woman older than my grandmother wearing a bright red pleather showgirl out fit and this garish makeup starts screaming at me. She gets halfway through “You might be a Gator but your momma’s a Dawg” and has an alcohol-induced “senior moment” , so I hear: “You might be a Gator, but…but…but…ARP ARP ARP Gay-turd!” Her family got pissed off at me for laughing in her face, but it was me calling them a bunch of redneck dumb***es that couldn’t hold their liquor and let their senile grandma dress and act like a circus whore that nearly started the fight. Man I love this rivalry.

If I’m not mistaken, Clark’s has “kangaroo” on the menu.

The kangaroo is okay, kind of chewy, but the antelope isn’t bad.

To cure quality dining problem in JAX:

Download episode of “Anthony Bourdain – No Reservations – Paris” from iTunes. As your stomach churns and you salivate replace calories with Sweet Tea Flavored Vodka and Wheat Thins (substitute Triscuits=OK)

Copeland’s on the south side is pretty good. If you are driving from Gainesville, swing through Johnny’s BBQ in Greencove Springs.

Jacksonville is the worst city I ever went to. Just shabby in every respect. To give those of you who haven’t been an idea. Just imagine if they put Birmingham on a river near the ocean. Pretty much that.

My food Idea would be to get a publix sub for every meal. You will not be disappointed, and you won’t waste your money or time arguing over whether you should go to Chillis, Outback, Applebees, TGIF, Chi-Chi’s, Olive Garden, Carrabas, Uno Pizza, Arp, arp, arp.

Publix Sub. Arp.

Oh or a Burrito at Chipotle, if they have it, could be easy, breezy, and beautiful. Plus they sell booze.

Holy Crap…that Fish Camp Place’s menu is hard as fuck to navigate. If I have learned anything from watching all those episodes of Ramsey’s Kitchen nightmares it is that you gotta just focus on a few things. These guys are all over the map.

http://www.clarksfishcamp.com/menu.pdf

I love all the UGA fans criticizing the 3 square miles of Jacksonville that they’ve experienced, and then extrapolating that experience over the rest of the largest city in the country in order to declare that the entire city is garbage.

ARP indeed.

“Special lady – waiting on me……….” You all know that song. Admit it.

Brian,

It’s fried or grilled or perhaps blackened meat outside of the appetizers. It’s not that complicated. The fried quail is fucking awesome.

Well O, I would tell you to stop by our RV (we usually put out a pretty nice spread) but due to economic conditions, all my buddies that I usually go with bailed on me this year, so we aren’t there right now. Sux.

Oh sorry, sig should be…

Recommendations:

Sandwiches:

Just Northeast of the Stadium on Tallyrand is “Russ Doe’s”. Just follow the big rigs, plumbing trucks, and vagrants to the picnic tables under the trees. Russ and his sister are huge Gator fans with some sweet vintage material.

In the 5-Points area (West side of the river south of downtown) is “Whiteways Deli” on the corner of Park and King Street. This is a westside legend.

Burgers:

Look up the “Sheik”. They are all over town. Beware of how far away you get from the crapper.

BBQ:

BlackJack’s Barbque on San Juan and Roosevelt is the best in town.

Burrito Gallery:
Downtown’s best belly busting lunch.

Orson, I don’t know about eating in Jax (the steakhouse across from our hotel last year at the Gator Bowl was closed when we tried to go there for lunch), but do check out Wacko’s strip club if you get the chance (you probably won’t). We rung in the New Year there last year the night before the game, and since we were basically the only table in the place that was full (and it was a holiday), we got first-rate attention. Give my regards to Skyy (not her real name, I suspect).

If you are downtown (which you would be for the game…) on the corner of Ocean (street you are on when you come off the Main St. Bridge – the “blue bridge” into D/T ) and Forsyth St is Casa Dora (other end of the block from Florida Theatre) They serve Good pizza and better Chicken Marsala.

how can you go to Jax and not eat at Bono’s BBQ? sure it’s not Eastern Carolina vinegar based goodness, but their mustard base was a staple of our family trips down to the city where my dad was raised

Riblets are from the pig’s spine. The bones are the vertebrae, and the meat is what’s between those bones.

Good food in Jacksonville is not hard to find. Obviously some of you are not looking that hard.

I hate to break it to you guys, but MOJO’s BBQ is the best BBQ in Jax. It’s more homestyle and really clean. One at the Beach, One at San Jose and University, and one out at Fleming Island. Try it sometime.

Is anyone aware of Ruth’s Chris?

How to Eat Like a College Student in Jacksonville:

Angie’s on Atlantic is the place for subs. It’s a drive, but it’s worth it if you’re hurting for a sandwich. The “camel rider” at The Sheik is an expensive sandwich, but it hits that long drive home spot nicely.

Jacksonville’s best kept secret is Fontana’s on Beach, a great little Italian place that bleeds ambiance. It’s around chain-level pricey, but it makes one hell of a better celebration than Applebee’s. There’s an even smaller Italian place called Nero’s in Arlington (about a mile north of JU) where the food is both adequate and severely underpriced.

To the poster above: Chipotle opened today in the Town Center. There’s another Mexican restaurant there, Napolera, that serves huge portions of good food but no sweet tea. /angry old man fist shake

gold man @ #33…well stated. It must be easier to appear knowledgeable with criticism.

Having had to spend some time in Jax on assignment, I agree with the earlier poster on the Five Points area. Mossfire Grill was pretty decent.

Just make sure you aren’t in Five Points at night. It is unsafe. Not that anywhere in Jacksonville seems particularly safe these days. There’s also a pretty good Mediterannean place called Hovan there, if you’re into that sort of thing. And a place called Wendy’s. Try the “Frosty.” You won’t be disappointed.

BBQ

Checker BBQ
3566 Saint Augustine Rd
Jacksonville, FL 32207
(904) 398-9206

Italian

Luigi’s Italian American
5912 University Blvd W
Jacksonville, FL 32216
(904) 731-0338?

Mexican

La Nopalera
Multiple Locations

Pizza

Al’s Pizza
Mulitple Locations

Sushi

Daruma Japanese Steakhouse
3 Locations

Steaks

Tree Steak House
11362 San Jose Blvd # 1
Jacksonville, FL?
(904) 262-0006?

Alcohol for the game

Total Wine and More
St. John’s Town Center

Hell Yeah, Biggus Ruckus! Hovan is great! Plus, Johnny that owns the place is a huge Gator fan.

My office is a block away from 5 Points so I frequent that establishment quite a bit for lunch.

@31…correction…

Jacksonville is the largest city in the world.

…and I never have that hard of a problem finding excellent food when I’m back home there.

If that is the same Applebee’s we ate at last year, don’t be fooled: it is riotous in there.