THE SCHEDULE HAS CHANGED. I WORK ON WEDNESDAY NOW.

A UGA tailgate. The sounds of "Straight to Hell" by Drivin' and Cryin' waft over sea of red tailgate canopies.

Georgia fan: Where'd I put my "You don't need nObama if you got Knowshon" sticker?

Crazy Old Testament God: HELLO GEORGIA FAN. PUT DOWN YOUR DRINK AND QUAKE IN MY AWESOME PRESENCE. I HAVE A TEST FOR YOU.

GF: Damn! Are you the scary guy from the Oak Ridge Boys?

COTG: NO. I AM CRAZY OLD TESTAMENT GOD, AND THE SCHEDULE'S CHANGED. I WORK ON WEDNESDAY NOW, AND THAT IS TOO BAD FOR YOU. I WILL SEND YOU TRAVELING THROUGH TIME TO SEE YOUR INNER SOUL REFLECTED IN THE EVENTS WHICH BROUGHT HUMANITY TO THIS POINT. YOU WILL DISAPPOINT ME, BUT I WILL DO THIS ANYWAY.

GF: Like that show, Centrum Leap? I HATED that show. It came on the same time as Hunter!

COTG: THAT WAS NO SHOW. SCOTT BAKULA IS CURRENTLY IN THE FIFTEEN CENTURY FIGHTING SPANISH CONQUISTADORS. HE HAS SMALLPOX, AND WILL DIE SHORTLY. HIS PAIN IS UNENDING.

GF: Whatever, man. When's Hunter comin' back on! That DeeDee was somethin'!

COTG: STEPFANIE KRAMER MAY BE SEEN IN 2006'S CUTTING EDGE 2: GOING FOR THE GOLD. YOUR JOURNEY BEGINS NOW.

(POP!)

GF: Big Bang? That ain't nothin' compared to Samford Stadium on Saturday WOOOO DOGS SIC 'EM!!!

(POP!)

GF: KICKAAAASSS!! I'm at least four thousand years in the past!

(POP!)

GF: Whutcha mean you ain't got Mu Shu Pork? What don't you understand about "NUMBER EIGHT, EXTRA EGGROLL?" You don't wanna RILE ME, WANG FOO!

(POP!)

GF: Awesome! My pastor's gonna flip when I give him James Caviezel's autograph. I'll hide the beer in the picture, though.

(POP!)

GF: Lawdy, we did the same damn thing to LSU last week. Sic 'em, Aztec! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF. And again: MEL GIBSON IS FULL OF SHIT, pardon mah language.

(POP!)

GF: You Yankees are crazy--for livin' where it's so cold. Man, I'm gonna stand over here by this fire. Something smells awesome, though.

(POP!)

GF: Always root for the team in red! SIC 'EM WOOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!

(POP!)

GF: Topless and speakin' French? Why you all following the LSU fan? She's just lookin' for a corn dog BECAUSE LSU FANS LIKE CORNDOGS ARP ARP ARP ARP!

GF: I'm in a car with Erk Russell and Hitler! THE Erk Russell! He makes them trains run ON TIME!

(POP!)

GF: I ain't impressed. You ask Willie Martinez how to blow up Hawaii proper-like next time, Chinamen!

(POP!)

GF: I don't even know what this is. It must be gay, though.

(POP!)

GF: TECH NERDZ! AHM IN UR MOVIE, KILLIN' UR CAPTAIN KIRK!!! NERDS! ARP ARP ARP ARP ARP ARP---

(POP!)

GF: Hey, Crazy God. How'd I do, man?

COTG: (SIGH.) BETTER THAN THOSE KISSASSES TEBOW AND RICHT, ACTUALLY. YOUR STUPIDITY WAS REFRESHING. CARRY ON.

GF: Do what?

COTG: GIT WOO SIC EM WHATEVER YOU CRETINOUS WRETCH.

GF: You heard that? HE'S A DAWG FAN! SUCK ON THAT, GAYTURDS JORTS ARP ARP ARP ARP!!!

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