THE SCHEDULE HAS CHANGED. I WORK ON WEDNESDAY NOW.
A UGA tailgate. The sounds of “Straight to Hell” by Drivin’ and Cryin’ waft over sea of red tailgate canopies.
Georgia fan: Where’d I put my “You don’t need nObama if you got Knowshon” sticker?
Crazy Old Testament God: HELLO GEORGIA FAN. PUT DOWN YOUR DRINK AND QUAKE IN MY AWESOME PRESENCE. I HAVE A TEST FOR YOU.
GF: Damn! Are you the scary guy from the Oak Ridge Boys?
COTG: NO. I AM CRAZY OLD TESTAMENT GOD, AND THE SCHEDULE’S CHANGED. I WORK ON WEDNESDAY NOW, AND THAT IS TOO BAD FOR YOU. I WILL SEND YOU TRAVELING THROUGH TIME TO SEE YOUR INNER SOUL REFLECTED IN THE EVENTS WHICH BROUGHT HUMANITY TO THIS POINT. YOU WILL DISAPPOINT ME, BUT I WILL DO THIS ANYWAY.
GF: Like that show, Centrum Leap? I HATED that show. It came on the same time as Hunter!
COTG: THAT WAS NO SHOW. SCOTT BAKULA IS CURRENTLY IN THE FIFTEEN CENTURY FIGHTING SPANISH CONQUISTADORS. HE HAS SMALLPOX, AND WILL DIE SHORTLY. HIS PAIN IS UNENDING.
GF: Whatever, man. When’s Hunter comin’ back on! That DeeDee was somethin’!
COTG: STEPFANIE KRAMER MAY BE SEEN IN 2006′S CUTTING EDGE 2: GOING FOR THE GOLD. YOUR JOURNEY BEGINS NOW.
(POP!)
GF: Big Bang? That ain’t nothin’ compared to Samford Stadium on Saturday WOOOO DOGS SIC ‘EM!!!
(POP!)
GF: KICKAAAASSS!! I’m at least four thousand years in the past!
(POP!)
GF: Whutcha mean you ain’t got Mu Shu Pork? What don’t you understand about “NUMBER EIGHT, EXTRA EGGROLL?” You don’t wanna RILE ME, WANG FOO!
(POP!)
GF: Awesome! My pastor’s gonna flip when I give him James Caviezel’s autograph. I’ll hide the beer in the picture, though.
(POP!)
GF: Lawdy, we did the same damn thing to LSU last week. Sic ‘em, Aztec! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF. And again: MEL GIBSON IS FULL OF SHIT, pardon mah language.
(POP!)
GF: You Yankees are crazy–for livin’ where it’s so cold. Man, I’m gonna stand over here by this fire. Something smells awesome, though.
(POP!)
GF: Always root for the team in red! SIC ‘EM WOOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!
(POP!)
GF: Topless and speakin’ French? Why you all following the LSU fan? She’s just lookin’ for a corn dog BECAUSE LSU FANS LIKE CORNDOGS ARP ARP ARP ARP!
GF: I’m in a car with Erk Russell and Hitler! THE Erk Russell! He makes them trains run ON TIME!
(POP!)
GF: I ain’t impressed. You ask Willie Martinez how to blow up Hawaii proper-like next time, Chinamen!
(POP!)
GF: I don’t even know what this is. It must be gay, though.
(POP!)
GF: TECH NERDZ! AHM IN UR MOVIE, KILLIN’ UR CAPTAIN KIRK!!! NERDS! ARP ARP ARP ARP ARP ARP—
(POP!)
GF: Hey, Crazy God. How’d I do, man?
COTG: (SIGH.) BETTER THAN THOSE KISSASSES TEBOW AND RICHT, ACTUALLY. YOUR STUPIDITY WAS REFRESHING. CARRY ON.
GF: Do what?
COTG: GIT WOO SIC EM WHATEVER YOU CRETINOUS WRETCH.
GF: You heard that? HE’S A DAWG FAN! SUCK ON THAT, GAYTURDS JORTS ARP ARP ARP ARP!!!
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51
The Snake will Drive Again! says:
Lots of hatred on both sides for this game. I love it. I predict many brawls, broken bones, hair pulling and crotch stomping. And that’s what will happen ON the field.
Topic: did GameDay make the right call by choosing Lubbuck (Lubbock? Lubbick?) over Jax? I think so. I have this feeling UF smokes UGA.
October 29th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
52
Bobby Decatur says:
The beauty of Jax this weekend is that NO ONE has a clue, ‘feelings’ notwithstanding, what the fuck the end result is going to be. Anything could happen, in any direction.
October 29th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
53
The Holy Grail says:
No. 32 do you mean a European or African Swallow and it is unlaiden? — And who are you to be so wise in Science…. So if she weighs the saem as a duck… hence… she…. is…. A WITCH………………………..
October 29th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
54
Jake Barnes says:
Now that was funny.
Regrettably, upwards of 80% fans from both sides will miss the true genius of these mockeries because world history is usually “learned” after sixth grade.
October 29th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
55
Holly says:
Rich @ 40–I would’ve gone with “Ukrainian alcohol psychosis”. [daps]
October 29th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
56
Hook'em Tide says:
In the original Quantum Leap, the main character could only leap back and forth between times in his lifetime years….. nothing pre 1940’s.
Why do I remember that?
October 29th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
57
Anonymous IV says:
“What a bitch!”
October 29th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
58
Biggus Rickus says:
Hook ‘Em Tide,
I’m pretty sure they had a Civil War leap later in the series.
October 29th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
59
Will Q says:
Maybe he could hang out with this guy:
http://blutarsky.wordpress.com/2008/10/28/captions-wanted/
Obviously, douchery doesn’t know from state lines.
October 29th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
60
Big Jon says:
If UGA ever plays Ohio State, that dude should have a death match with the OSU white cowboy hat and cape guy to determine who shall reign as king of the douchetwats.
And the only Quantum Leap episode that went outside of Dr. Beckett’s life was the one where he got struck by lightning as he was leaping and he got sent home while Al leapt into a guy in middle America, circa 1944ish. [/DORK]
And of course Lubbock was the wrong choice, but Disney doesn’t have the broadcast rights to the Coke Orgy.
October 29th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
61
hlh says:
Let’s see…Super Dawg, Baton Bob, et al……..I see the makings of an EDSBS sponsored tailgate. I would be more than happy to make a side trip to bring “rack, rack, rackem”.
October 29th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
62
Orson Swindle says:
I will happily wear jorts to an EDSBS tailgate.
October 29th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
63
hlh says:
Supplies are limited…..
http://damnshow.com/shop/index.php?main_page=popup_image&pID=18&zenid=eb6503ca0598a7d2690072c800c1118f
October 29th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
64
sonofsamford says:
#63
I hope WIllie James Huff gets at least a share of the proceeds.
October 29th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
65
Chili says:
Okay, sports blogs are over. Close up shop. Nobody’s gonna follow that perfection up. We can all go home.
October 29th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
66
MikeLew says:
@58: There was a jump into the Civil War, but that was because he jumped into a relative with brain waves or genes or some such shit that was nearly identical to Sam’s.
Why do I know that, you ask??? Drinking vodka with the roommate in college, we watched that shit from the first episode.
October 29th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
67
CuseFanInSoCal says:
#18, thanks God. I think we’re getting overlooked this year, too (preseason rankings seem to have us at just inside or just outside the top 25 and 7th-8th in the Big East).
October 29th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
68
beast in 'bama says:
Nobody but Bobby Decatur is getting this… that was THE Erk Russell!!
October 29th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
69
Will (the other one) says:
If you’re barking can be written down as “arp” or “arf” you’re doing it wrong. Bark like Nathan Explosion would. Rattle some mucus in your throat.
October 29th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
70
oc phil says:
heh…heh heh….it looks like that guy has a dog humping the back of his head.
October 30th, 2008 at 2:27 am
71
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
I don’t get it… all these folks givin’ this poor guy a hard time because he has no friends and that’s just total bullshit. HIS FUCKING DOG IS IN THE PICTURE WITH HIM. He has at least ONE friend.
Idiots.
October 30th, 2008 at 8:44 am
72
J says:
ps. not his dog. The dog is chewing on the stuffed toy that resembles the opponents mascot. He carries it around at tailgates and has people poor beer, stomp, and let their dog chew on it. Unfortunately, I know this guy personally, and he is and always has been a complete douche. He knows nothing about football and goes to the games solely for attention. I too, hate him.
October 30th, 2008 at 10:23 am
73
bt says:
That’s pretty much par for the course for every Georgia fan I’ve ever met.
October 30th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
74
Will Q says:
I don’t think this guy is Super Dawg. I’ve seen Super Dawg at games with his granddaughter, both of them dressed in their costumes. They wear T-shirts with old 70s-style iron-on letters spelling “SUPER DAWG” on them. Still a little odd, but not as pitiful as this guy.
October 30th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
75
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
Not his dog? Not his best friend?
Sucks for that guy.
You have to admit, though, it’s a pretty sweet cape.
October 30th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
76
dogtown gator says:
As the pre-eminent Burning Man expert on this site, allow me to confirm the effigy as that of Burning Man. Orson, somewhere there is a photo of a bedreaded blond hottie wearing nothing but the EDSBS Burninng Couch shirt with the Man in the middle distance in 2007. If we could remember much else of that weekend, we would provide that photo for you.
(sigh).
October 31st, 2008 at 1:03 am