LUBBOCK SURVIVAL TIPS
Yes. That’s a real photo of Lubbock.
BON has the necessary data if you’re venturing to Lubbock for the Texas/Texas Tech game, but don’t expect much: Lubbock is flat, windy, and precisely what you would expect, according to 54b. One nice quirk, though: they’ll ice up your beer for you thanks to quirks of local liquor law:
If you want to buy beer, you’ll need to drive south of town to what is affectionately known as “the Strip” (Hwy 87 and 98th St.), a row of drive-thru liquor stores festooned with a veritable cornucopia of superfluous Vegas-style luminescence. You simply hand the attendant your cooler and a credit card and it comes back full of ice and your beverage of choice.
Would they do that with our favorite kind of beer, Vodkatonicweiser? Also, if you see a man in an atrocious haircut wearing black jeans carrying a shotgun with a silencer limping down the street, just keep driving, and do not stop no matter what you do.
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1
meatybob says:
What? No mention of Kegel’s, where salad is contraband?
Actually, there are a bunch of wineries north of town. How and Why, you ask? No idea, but they’re there.
October 28th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
2
hlh says:
Aaaaaaarrrrggggg. You expect a swashbuckler to live in hospitable climes?
I’ve snuff and tobaccy, and excellent jacky,
I’ve scissors, and watches, and knives;
I’ve ribbons and laces to set off the faces
Of pretty young sweethearts and wives.
October 28th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
3
CincySooner says:
“lubbock survival tips”
1) don’t go to Lubbock
2) don’t go to Lubbock
3) don’t go to Lubbock
4) don’t go to Lubbock
5) don’t go to Lubbock
6) don’t go to Lubbock
7) ….
October 28th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
4
Brian says:
If your vehicle breaks down on the way to Lubbock, and it’s night time, please, DO NOT venture toward A) The old farm house with the lights on, or B) that gas station you saw a mile back.
This can lead to the following: Being locked in a freezer, having your skull bashed in by a man wearing someone’s skin as a mask, your handicapped brother being gutted with a chainsaw, being hung on a meat hook, or perhaps you yourself narrowly escaping death at the hands of a cannibalistic family who makes smoked sausage out of the people they kill.
October 28th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
5
Biggus Rickus says:
Wait, when did China conquer Lubbock? Shouldn’t avoidance of their secret police be mentioned somewhere in the tips?
October 28th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
6
El Kabong!!! says:
- 15 points for using the words “silencer” and “shotgun” in the same sentence.
-10 points for saying “silencer” instead of “supressor”.
October 28th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
7
ClemsonHorn says:
I always used to doubt the possibility of homicidal maniacs killing scores of people without anyone noticing as seen in horror movies. Then I drove to Lubbock. I doubt no more.
October 28th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
8
me' kooh says:
Remember, this is the place where the ‘Red Raider’ ran around the field on his trusty steed before the game several years ago and , when exiting the field at full gallop, forgot to pull on the reins. There is a concrete block wall not far up the ramp. The black stallion did not survive.
October 28th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
9
yoyfutbawl says:
Lubbock does the impossible. It makes anywhere in Ohio look like an oasis.
October 28th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
10
Stacy Kiebler Luvs Me says:
Low Hangin’ Fruit Dept:
Lubbock rhymes with Buttock
October 28th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
11
Holly says:
In EDSBS parlance, it’s like the Columbia of Texas.
October 28th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
12
redraydur says:
Dude, the Masked Rider was not on the horse when it hit the wall.. if you’re going to bring it up at least know the story.
And I’m sure you can find awful pictures of a lot of cities just like you can find pretty ones of Lubbock (ok not as easy but still..)
October 28th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
13
RHS says:
That is a real pic of Lubbock on one day. You can get a real pick of OKC during a tornado too. Or you can get a real pick of San Fran after an earthquake that makes San Fran look bad. How about real pics of Souther Cal during fires?
How old is that picture? The cotton farming techniques cut down on the sand storms.
October 28th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
14
AParker says:
Good use of “No Country” in there Orson, I could see that place being similar to the movie. Though if you want to see a real scary town, probably check out Columbia, SC. They think they’re winners there….
October 28th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
15
Counter Trap says:
Whew, the Lubbockians are a tad sensitive today. Of course, they’re hard to see through all the dust. And I’m having trouble dodging all the 1930’s velocipeeds that traveled the roads before the advent of improved cotton farming techniques. Ahem…isn’t this a college football blog?
October 28th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
16
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
Defending USC-east’s Columbia S.C. Dept:
Just checked Wikipedia, so it must be true, and Columbia is Phat (I think that means good in jive)
Here is a portion of the Wiki entry:
“Columbia was recently one of 30 communities named “America’s Most Livable Communities.” The award was given by the Washington-based non-profit Partners for Livable Communities and honors communities that are developing themselves in the creative economy.
Columbia has also been named a top midsized market for relocating families in the nation.
Increasingly, Columbia is becoming recognized as an ideal city for retirees. Where to Retire magazine listed Columbia as one of its 25 best choices for retirement as a “budget town” in its January/February 2007 edition.”
(end of wiki entry)
October 28th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
17
Festus Norwood says:
If you are visiting from out of town, Lubbockites are some of the friendliest people anywhere. The student body, however can be a little chippy at times. Achtung, baby.
October 28th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
18
Double Eagel says:
@RHS (#13 above)
Considering the late-model Ford SUV in the foreground (I believe it is an Escape, but could be an Explorer), I’d venture a 99.99% probability that photo was taken in the 21st century. Besides, cotton farming in the middle of the arid high plains is one of the most idiotic uses of water resources known to mankind, regardless of whether it cuts down on the frequency of sand storms. Have fun when the Ogallala Aquifer is bone dry within our lifetime.
October 28th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
19
Mark R says:
You people keep bashing the Hub, they are better off without the likes of you and don’t need your “big city” values messing up one of the greatest places in the US to raise a family.
October 28th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
20
robert says:
Tallahassee, FL = Columbia, SC minus about 20 bars.
They get rather touchy around BON comment sections, no?
October 28th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
21
bevo says:
As someone who lived in the Hub City for 5 years and is now freezing his ass off in Columbus, Ohio, I miss the weather. The bright blue skies and 115 degrees. Best time to commute to campus by bike.
I do not miss when the wind it blew hard enough to leave dust under the door, and on the window sill.
October 28th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
22
boogerville says:
Are you fucking kidding me? The assholes and armpits of America all defending their little slice of Americana. OK, who wants to talk about how wonderful the shrubbery is in Columbus, GA?
October 28th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
23
Brian says:
I’m with Double Eagel…no other football blog’s gonna be mentioning the ogallala aquifer. Love that about EDSBS, but yo seriously, they should be trading the cotton gins in for brand new GE wind turbines up there. I know nothing but my guess is that the farming of cotton, even with improved methods, is still the main cause of the dust storms. I know a guy up in Oklahoma that can talk to you all about wind power too!
October 28th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
24
Brian O'Blivion says:
I heard Lubbock is the only place in America that still has the plague. I mean, the plague! Please!
October 28th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
25
alanon says:
does this explain the success the pirate king has had in recent raids this year? ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH
October 28th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
26
baconboy says:
I’ve only been to Lubbock once, in April about 7 years ago, and it was just like that picture. I thought I was on the set for Mission to Mars. But what really freaked me out was when it started raining in the middle of that sandstorm and the rain picked up the dust, so it started raining mud. I’m driving in a white rental and all I see is big fat red muddy raindrops falling on my car.
And what’s wrong with the shrubbery in Columbus, GA? I think the Chattahoochee River Valley is one of the prettier areas in the south.
October 29th, 2008 at 12:48 am
27
Hossnfeffer says:
OK…tell me I am not the only person laughing to the point of having a stroke over #13 including a discussion of the improvements in cotton farming techniques to prove Lubbock is now great.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:24 am
28
Brian O'Blivion says:
@27, no, you’re not.
I was just in San Francisco a couple of weeks ago, and even after the occasional natural disaster, I think I’d rather go there over Lubbock. Oakland, might be a toss up though.
October 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am
29
Raider Red says:
Funny, weather forecast for Saturday says 78 with wind of 10 mph. So no dust storms…sorry to disappoint.
October 29th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
30
Amy says:
ok you people, first of all, i have lived in lubbock my entire live, moved to san antonio and back. i have only seen a dust storm like the one pictured maybe 5 times, it happens. but normally we have nice wetather, warm and breezy. and yes we have our freaks like every other town in this country but i also know that if your car breaks down on the side of the hwy, you are likely to have 5 different people stop to help you out, where else does that happen? so thanks but i will keep my low crime rates and dust storms and stay right here.
November 5th, 2008 at 3:30 pm