URBAN MEYER IS TESTING YOU, SON.
Urban Meyer has ways of testing his recruits. Sometimes, he tells them that they’re being recruited as linebackers just for funzies. Other times, he tells them that they’ll play this position called “running back, which has not in fact ever existed at the University of Florida in his tenure. And sometimes, just to test their mettle, he punches them in the chest the first time he meets them.
“He’s kind of rough,” Reid said with a laugh. “He’s not the type of coach to shake your hand. He just comes up and punches you in the chest. And that man is pretty strong.”
The fact that Reid is even talking is strong evidence he’ll get a scholarship. Some recruits don’t survive the first test, or even the second (The Flinging of the Nettles and Broken Glass), or dare we say, the unholy third (The Marriage of the Bear and the Tear Gas.) And that’s all before you arrive in Alpha Room for summary judgment by the Masked Eight and the Chubby Man.
You may think you know fear. You have not been to Alpha Room. HT: Barstoolio.










1
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
Could Not Resist Dept:
Now I see why Urban Meyer went to Florida instead of his “dream” school notre Dame. Kids at ND are just not as tough and could not handle Urban “from parts unkown, the Brawler” Meyer….
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:19 pm
2
meatybob says:
I wonder what was worse for Indy, having his heart pulled out in India or the tag team gang raping in Peru.
Yes, I do watch too much south park.
October 23rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
3
Ryno says:
Next time a Florida player is suspended one game for “Violating undisclosed team rules” we’ll know exactly what happened. Meyer punched a kid in the chest and the young man took a step back and slapped the fuck outta him, sending him across the room.
Pretty sure I’d fork over $1,000 to see that happen live.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:26 pm
4
yoyofutbawl says:
Alpha Room? They look more like something straight out of Harvey Birdman.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:33 pm
5
ALGator says:
Urban Meyer will kick your homesick ass.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
6
ALGator says:
Rich Brooks is in for a fright movie.
http://www.alligator.org/articles/2008/10/23/sports/football/081023_kentucky.txt
Also, how does he manage the telegramophone whilst wearing gentleman’s sport gloves?
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:50 pm
7
MaconDawg says:
So, I notice that quote is from an article about how Reid is committed to Florida even though he just took an unofficial visit to Georgia, but he’s still so totally committed to the Urbster . . .
/recruiting talk that doesn’t involve talking about 17 year old boys like they’re entered in the Preakness.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
8
Klee Irwin says:
We all know why Urban Meyer chose Florida over Notre Dame. He enjoys anal rape. So he feels right at home in Gainesville.
Who’s kidding who? Meyer knew that he could cheat to get recruits easier at Florida, and since there were no academic requirements to speak of, it would be a lot easier to recruit. At ND, he knew from being an assistant there that they have to actually recruit real student athletes who go to class.
Meyer is not a good enough coach to succeed with real student athletes. Thus, he took the easy route.
October 23rd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
9
Orson Swindle says:
@8
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:01 pm
10
George says:
@9
And here I was hoping Trebek would make a Mustache Wednesday appearance, when you had that in your back pocket the whole time.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:14 pm
11
Gator Growl says:
# 8 = you are a moron
Florida does have academic standards — see Dee Finley not qualifying this year and our overall academic standing. We also are number 8 overall in terms of graduating student athletes in the whole country. http://usatoday.com/sports/college/2008-10-14-grad-rates_N.htm where is Notre Dame?
We just don’t have religious or moral standards — see Chris Rainey and all the white girls he’s left in his wake. But who need morals these days anyways.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:21 pm
12
tbone says:
#11. um…you are moron.
Notre Dame is at 98%. Which is actually higher than 68%.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:54 pm
13
CincySooner says:
hey #11… yeah… you gotta read the whole article… even the footnotes and the sidebars.
Notre Dame owns the rest of the BCS schools in that regard.
Now, that being said… you’re telling me you wouldnt be just a little excited if Urban got on a plane to coach at Notre Dame tomorrow? Gimme a break.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:59 pm
14
CincySooner says:
I’m sorry… the last line of my last comment was directed to #8.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:02 pm
15
gator growl says:
i stand partially corrected — the point of my post is that Florida DOES have higher academic standards than most other D1 schools.
We aren’t Auburn or LSU down here.
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:29 pm
16
BurritoBrosShits says:
Hey guess what? I go to a school better than all of the others mentioned so far in this comment thread! But we don’t have football. So STFU and eat your pie. I can’t believe y’all are talking about academics in the same breath as college football. Has nothing to with the post at all and makes this sound worse than a Rivals board. FOOTBALL, NOT ACADEMICS.
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:22 pm
17
PDXgonegator says:
Man, Raiders 2 really sucked like few things have sucked since. Don’t know if any of you followed that link to the human-sacrifice-pull-out-the-still-beating-heart schtick, but even as a kid, i thought that the witch doctor guy looked too much like Abe Vigoda to be truly menacing.
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:39 pm
18
BurritoBrosShits says:
@17 I don’t know about you but that shit scared the hell out of me when I was a kid.
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:07 pm
19
DHC says:
@8, how’s the fat man and his “decided schematic advantage” working out for ya?
By “fat,” I mean a euphemism for a disgusting, pig-like, morbidly obese fat body.
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:20 pm
20
Barkin' Dawg says:
@19
He’s not fat, he’s BIG BONED!!!!
Not.
October 23rd, 2008 at 8:50 pm
21
Klee Irwin says:
Hey you Florida nimrods, as someone pointed out, we graduate 98% of our athletes, and I believe I read somewhere that only 13 football players hadn’t graduated since they started keeping these stats years ago. Not 13 in one year—-13 EVER. We rank up there with Duke, Stanford, and I think Boston College in football graduation rate.
68% sucks. That’s called a failing grade.
I will repeat—Meyer turned down the ND job because he darn well knew how much more difficult it would be to win honestly, keep the program clean, not “cut corners” and actually graduate real student athletes. There is no comparison. I don’t blame Meyer for wimping out and taking the easy road. He wants to make the big bucks and he’s prepping for his NFL job he will leave for in a few years. He knew that grabbing kids who could barely read from Florida schools was going to help him hit the big payday in the pros at lot easier and faster than recruiting Honors students who are also good football players. That’s just reality. Deal with it.
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:23 pm
22
Klee Irwin says:
Hey gatorgrowl, thanks for proving my point. You can’t even read a USA today chart man. That must suck for you. Florida is NOT 8th in the country in football graduation rate—they are 8th among the top 20 schools ranked in the BCS top 20 at this time!!!! LMFAO. Plus, they are NOT better than most D1 schools—68% puts them just 1% OVER THE AVERAGE of 67%, which is still lame. That just means Florida IS AVERAGE, not superior. Schools that graduate over 90% of their football players are SUPERIOR. Again, that’s Notre Dame, Northwestern, Duke, Stanford and real schools like that where you have to actually bust your balls to graduate and yo don’t have tutors taking tests for you while you are out on the practice field or banging cheerleaders.
Get a clue gatorgrowl—you just embarrassed the whole state of Florida with your moronic posts.
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:35 pm
23
Orson Swindle says:
Klee, we don’t think we’re clear on your point yet. Would you please type some more words?
October 24th, 2008 at 7:01 am
24
buzz armstrong says:
Banging cheerleaders is much more enjoyable in life than going to a school that is given a high ranking in some magazine. You might want to give it a try, it might help calm you down
October 24th, 2008 at 8:46 am
25
ahahah says:
@22 (klee) Oh yeah–I forgot, you guys aren’t in the top 20 are you?
And guys, read the citation. Those stats are from 1998-2001 so they aren’t exactly relevant for UM or CW. Do some simple f-ing math here. Both coaches are in their fourth seasons, how many of their recruits could have possibly graduated? What a stupid argument…
October 24th, 2008 at 8:48 am
26
brandon says:
who gives a shit…nick saban surely does not.
October 24th, 2008 at 10:07 am
27
Klee Irwin says:
#24 Buzz—-no, its called EARNING a high academic rating rubberneck. And there is nothing better than banging gorgeous cheerleaders WHILE you are academically superior, and knowing that you will be making way more money than any SEC nimrod will be.
Bwwhaahhaaaaaaaahhhhhaaa.
October 24th, 2008 at 11:09 am
28
Orson Swindle says:
Klee, we find your assumption of sexual, intellectual, and financial superiority fascinating. Please keep typing.
October 24th, 2008 at 11:15 am
29
Jim Rome says:
Nice call, Klee. Strong take. T-Rog, make sure you rack him, which means you’ll be automatically entered into the Smack-Off.
October 24th, 2008 at 11:40 am
30
kleph says:
“SEC nimrod”? waitaminnit. we’re not jewish.
October 24th, 2008 at 11:52 am
31
NativeSon says:
Klee is witty.
Klee calls people funny names.
October 24th, 2008 at 11:52 am
32
Texy says:
Everybody knows there are no gorgeous cheerleaders at Notre Dame. I know, I went there.
So your argument automatically fails.
October 24th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
33
URBN G8R says:
It sure makes one wonder how Lou Holtz accomplished the seemingly-impossible feat, doesn’t it? Who knew that coaching at ND was so much more difficult than coaching in the SEC (USCocks)?!
October 24th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
34
Klee Irwin says:
hey Texy, so did I. And I was talking about after ND turned coed, not before. Dude, I am not saying they were all gorgeous, but man, it sounds like you missed the boat. Sorry.
October 24th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
35
sb says:
Klee, your overstated and minorly offensive rant indicates an appeal and desire for attention and validation of the object of your obsession…together with a latent sense of inferiority and a misunderstanding of the well-publicized decision and facts of the Meyer hiring. And further, while your descriptive vocabulary has some interesting metaphoric quality, your vehemence outweighs any reasonable level of consideration and illustrates a clear lack of balance and objectivity leaving your comments with a remarkable lack of credibility.
I suggest a strong martini, dry, dirty and up…at least after a few of those you will be unable to type or speak your customary drivel and minimize the occasions for which you must explain away your idiocy.
October 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
36
hodad says:
I find it amusing that a school with such high standards that they admitted obvious Down’s Syndrome sufferer Jimmy Clausen is proud of how easily they award diplomas.
October 24th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
37
Texy says:
Man, I really must’ve missed something if ND was still all-male six years ago. Thank god I have you to tell me about these things, Klee.
But then… how in the hell did I get in, then, since I’m a chick? Somebody in admissions screwed up! And also screwed up letting the thousands of other females on campus at the time! ALERT FOX NEWS!
October 24th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
38
kleph says:
and somewhere in northern indiana a bridge carries on without it’s troll.
October 24th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
39
Holly says:
Dammit, I miss everything.
October 24th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
40
buzz armstrong says:
Go get stuck by a stingray, Irwin. You’re such a fuckhead
October 25th, 2008 at 4:50 am
41
Klee Irwin says:
hey sb, I know it took you several hours to compose that droll little post, but put down the thesaurus now, go back to your usual reading material, that big stack of Modern Nude Male, Hairy Fellas and 50 and Over, grab your lotions, and go back to doing what you do best.
texy, obviously there is some miscommunication. And it could have been so good between us too……
October 26th, 2008 at 2:10 am
42
sb says:
Klee…sorry, no hours spent, and certainly no need of a thesaurus…nice to know you are familiar with one and I hope it came in handy. Oh, and I appreciate your response and its proof of my analysis and point…a pleasure to be proven correct.
October 27th, 2008 at 7:27 am