CURIOUS INDEX, 10/22/08

by Orson on Oct 22, 2008 8:33 AM EDT

Tic tac OOOHHHHH. Jim Tressel and the Buckeyes will be having a "Scarlet Fever" Red-Out of sorts to not only convince the Penn State Nittany Lions that they have descended into a piss-scented semi-circle of hellfire on Saturday, but also to raise awareness of Muscular Dystrophy. Attention Buckeye fans: this does not require acquiring a nasty case of actual Scarlet Fever before the game. DO NOT WANT.

Also, it gives an excuse for Tressel to show off the coat he pulled off an unconscious and bleeding Wink Martindale in a Los Angeles alley. That bastard fought, but you can't take down the Senator with a few weak Muay Thai moves.

Pete Carroll: Flight Risk. Proof positive that if you stay awake longer, people will simply bug you about more stuff: Pete Carroll, now classified as a flight risk, has to put up with the mewlings of Allen Bradford and Vidal Hazelton's parents, who claims Carroll never calls, never stops by, and only emails them annoying forwards without any personalized notes or anything. Other parents, Brian Cushing's in particular, say Carroll is ridiculously communicative, and that sometimes they answer fake calls on the other line just to get Chatty Cathy off the phone.

Carroll also, in the course of his 20 hour days, also has to get his team together for a daunting game on the road at Arizona, preserve a 138-0 scoring streak going back to the Oregon game, continue his refusal to discuss the 49ers gig, and remind Tommy to stir the sauce KAREN!!!

We're not not looking. Plane-watching gone awry: yes, there was a plane in Raleigh, North Carolina from the University of Tennessee, but it was not to talk to David Cutcliffe, but to drop off the Vols' prez for a South U.S./Japan conference. (Tennessee actually has pretty decent Asian business ties as a school, including an MBA program all up ons in Taipei. Don't look at us like that: it's true.) In other big orange news: "real men don't wear orange" is now part of a ticket package at Georgia Tech, something Ian thinks is rich an irony too rich to verbalize fully.

BCS.BCBG.BGA. Whatever. Joe Paterno last night on Penn State's prospects in the current BCS system as a possible undefeated:

You know me, I'm for a playoff. But that's not gonna happen whaddya whaddya whaddya We're playing Ohio State this week, not the BC...BG..BGS...whatever it is whaddya whaddya whaddya.

Sometimes we wonder if he knows precisely what he's talking about, but consults the Old Guy Handbook of Humorous Inaccurate Sayings and Verbalisms and adds accordingly. He's at least as lucid as Penn State safety Anthony Scirotto, who has been cleared to play after suffering a concussion in the Michigan game.

Snap the damn ball. A little-known obscurantist program in the middle of nowhere has figured out the arcane secrets of the new 40/25 clock: snap. the. damn ball.

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Until his team beats tOSU, JoePa’s more concerned with renewing his BCBS than the BCS. It’s a real bitch trying to get health insurance at his age, but somebody from the Big Televen gets into the crystal football game every year now.

by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Oct 22, 2008 9:04 AM EDT reply actions

“I am loading my O2 tank, packing my “travel underpants” into my Crown Vic with my boy Bob Barker, and we are rolling to Ohio to reclaim my jacket, and the dignity he took from me" (plus there were a recently filled Rx of small blue pills in the left inside pocket)

-Wink

by Jake Barnes on Oct 22, 2008 9:24 AM EDT reply actions

What’s the deal with the double helix man beside the OSU logo?

by PW on Oct 22, 2008 9:39 AM EDT reply actions

PW: that is the nest step in evolution. We will soon have legs…WITH SPIKES!

And we will impale ourselves constantly, and eventually decide this step in evolution was not a good idea.

by Digital Headbutt on Oct 22, 2008 9:47 AM EDT reply actions

But hey, that’s how evolution works: trial and error.

by Digital Headbutt on Oct 22, 2008 9:48 AM EDT reply actions

Tim Gunn is disgusted by that ensemble. DOES NOT WORK!!!

by BurritoBrosShits on Oct 22, 2008 9:49 AM EDT reply actions

Okay, maybe this was covered elsewhere, but as we approach the impending clash of the last two coaches at ND I just wanted to point out that the last four coaches will all be involved.

Davie is calling the game for ESPN and Holtz will obviously chime in from the studio. This should all be very interesting if only to hear how they cover the whole situation.

I realize most of you don’t care, but how often does it happen that the last four coaches of a team are all involved in the game game?

by AllWhoYonder on Oct 22, 2008 10:07 AM EDT reply actions

make that the “same game”

by AllWhoYonder on Oct 22, 2008 10:17 AM EDT reply actions

Jim Tressel demanded that his legions of fans bestow upon him a jacket made of 100% Elmo fur.

Suck it, sesame street

by vegas_buckeye on Oct 22, 2008 10:32 AM EDT reply actions

Interesting theory on JoePa. I’m reminded of the SNL skit with Phil Hartman as Ronald Reagan…doddering old guy with the Boy Scouts, but behind-the-scenes Blofeld in actuality.

by spartymike on Oct 22, 2008 10:33 AM EDT reply actions

Lets look at the schools in orange that are under man hood question.

UVA – Instead of discussing their great turnaround this season they more worried about the Zima being discontinued. I would beg to say the promo is correct so far.

Miami – Well the sample size of their fan base is smaller than ours but the best stereotype to use is vanilla ice and that guy who shaved his chest to look like the U.

I would say its a rather accurate promotion.

by women and cookies on Oct 22, 2008 11:13 AM EDT reply actions

Like Tennessee, USC’s MBA program also has a close connections to Asian countries. I must say that when the bird flu fears were at their peak, I found it disconcerting to share the halls and classrooms with dozens of China-men (Is that the proper nomenclature?) students who had just returned to campus from the country of origins. Does that make me racist?

by socalbryan on Oct 22, 2008 11:17 AM EDT reply actions

Yea, well at least GT isn’t giving away the tickets this time, as we had been in previous weeks.

Makes the Hot Dogs and Soda gamepacks look genuinely sporting. Real Men don’t wear orange is the lamest marketing gimmick I ever heard.

Oh but if you are in ATL and want to see some College ball, use the promo code “GTGS” and get a ticket for 25 dollars, including all the extra charges.

by Brian on Oct 22, 2008 11:35 AM EDT reply actions

Dear Baby Jesus, Please let LSUfreek make a video of jim tressel hunting elmo for the purposes of making a sweater vest out of his skin. Please. Amen.

by Brian on Oct 22, 2008 11:40 AM EDT reply actions

WBNS TV is suggesting that Buckeye fans drink water with red food coloring this week so that the coolers stick with the “Scarlet Fever” theme.

by Expat Ohioan on Oct 22, 2008 11:43 AM EDT reply actions

Love the Goodfellas reference. But are you suggesting that Peete routinely finds himself in snowstorms in the middle of SoCal?

by Domer Guy on Oct 22, 2008 12:03 PM EDT reply actions

Ray Liotta would be great if they ever made “The Coach O Story”.

by BamaCPA on Oct 22, 2008 12:45 PM EDT reply actions

Huh? Dept:

Why would Pete Carroll take a much less prestigious (not to say enjoyable) job with the SF 40-whiners?

He has more money than he can spend, and going to a program where losing would be the norm for a few years would not be a lot of fun, and he would not get “jacked up” as much as he does now…

…plus, you can never go home, according to some hack…

by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Oct 22, 2008 1:44 PM EDT reply actions

Confucius says: "One cannot “win forever” in the NFL… especially in San Francisco."

by socalbryan on Oct 22, 2008 2:17 PM EDT reply actions

I knew when I saw the news conference that this photo would be on here. I’m just surprised that LSUFreek didn’t enhance it first. With Scrirotto playing this week, I guess they will have to take inventory at the Horseshoe to see how much stuff is missing when PSU leaves town. As long as leave without their dignity and with a loss, we’ll write if off.

by Crabapple Buck on Oct 22, 2008 2:21 PM EDT reply actions