CURIOUS INDEX, 10/17/08

by Orson on Oct 17, 2008 9:12 AM EDT

Have you considered this pamphlet OH GOD OW OW OW OW STOP. BYU, Trey Parker; TCU, old lady at door.

If you would like the story of the game in an easy image, imagine every single player on TCU's defense kicking every player on BYU's offense in the balls for four quarters, over, and over, and over again, winding up with each one in a Rochambeau so decisive you couldn't imagine being any worse than the prior, and then pulling back for another grape-smashing swing at holy-underwear-covered jumblies.

TCU sophomore DE Jerry Hughes had four sacks, including one in the first half where instead of tackling BYU qb Max Hall, he simply punched him down like a goalie fisting out a threatening shot. The loss had BYU so flummoxed they resorted to extreme profanity.

"We played like crap tonight. That's the bottom line," BYU defensive end Jan Jorgensen said.

The Utah bolus in our poll is half unknotted; for undoing this, we thank TCU, who make our rankings slightly less absurd now.

O-H! He-OWES! Joe the plumber, ower of back taxes and cheaply constructed national avatar, wore this sweatshirt to interviews:

Personal foul, touching the quarterback. Florida State's offensive line continues to be the strength of their team, but Antone Smith is getting battery-prone in the run game, popping defenders with audible transferred energy. The Noles won 26-17 over an improving but still vanilla-thrilling NC State team. BTW, if the ruling on the field is any indication, it's now illegal to hit the quarterback on an option, as NC State pulled a weirdass penalty for smacking Christian Ponder on a "helmet-to-helmet" that appeared clean to us.

Penalties don't matter. Don't tell the AJC that, though, who somehow ignores the massive losses at left tackle and defensive lapses made by the Georgia Bulldogs in favor of harping on penalties.

There's just this huge pile of cash out here on the porch. Just sayin'. The spread for the Ole Miss/Alabama game sits at a whopping 13 points. Anyone familiar with the dangerous, erratic powers of the Houston Nutt Phenomenon knows this is free money, because if you are shy of actually calling the upset, then at least you can agree that Houston Nutt teams excel at scaring the shit out of superior teams in games, and then blowing it against lesser opponents. That's free giggity right thurr--take it.

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Orson, any way to see a clip of that hit from the NC State safety onto Ponder last night? I only caught the last replay, but it looked shear painful. Thanks

by AParker on Oct 17, 2008 9:30 AM EDT reply actions

26-17 not 26-21

by KPA on Oct 17, 2008 9:43 AM EDT reply actions

How long until Carl Monday starts following Joe the Plumber to the local library?

by DevilGrad on Oct 17, 2008 9:48 AM EDT reply actions

Uh, check out the weird Mormon cartoon after the Orgazmo clip plays. The narration sounds like it’s from David Lynch’s Dune.

by Geori on Oct 17, 2008 9:49 AM EDT reply actions

TCU had 51 rushes last night for 240 yards … very imprressive.

by CincySooner on Oct 17, 2008 9:50 AM EDT reply actions

Houston Nutt is the Tommy Bowden of the SEC, except that he is crazy as batshit.

by yoyofutbawl on Oct 17, 2008 9:53 AM EDT reply actions

? Our honor defend ?
? We will fight to the end! ?
? For Jooooe Plummmmmber ?

Although that guy was probably a Michigan fan as recently as 2006.

by Quick Draw on Oct 17, 2008 10:04 AM EDT reply actions

Does Oklahoma — and by extension Texas — look better via the transitive property of football, given OU >> TCU >> BYU >> UCLA . . . or is BYU simply bad and UCLA that much worse?

by allaha on Oct 17, 2008 10:28 AM EDT reply actions

And amazingly he isn’t the most embarrassing Buckeye fan I’ve seen.

The original intent of the holy underwear, as Joseph Smith explained while looking deeply into his hat, was to heal the testicles after just such an assault. Is it any wonder that people followed such a visionary to Utah?

by Biggus Rickus on Oct 17, 2008 10:29 AM EDT reply actions

Orgazmo is such an underrated movie.

No thoughts on Bowden getting all “Bumfuzzled” and “Dadgummitin’” on the refs right before halftime last night?

Good job by Erin Andrews getting right in the thick of it….. sticking her microphone in there and getting the real story like a true investigative journalist should do.

by LL on Oct 17, 2008 10:35 AM EDT reply actions

Re: the 13 point Ole Miss spread. Shhhhhh….everyone will bet it and the line will move.

by Last Dragon on Oct 17, 2008 10:39 AM EDT reply actions

Warning – Free Giggity usually results in a trip to the Free Clinic.

@Last Dragon – exactly. If you have HTML powers, hack in and remove that paragraph.

by GamecockTony on Oct 17, 2008 10:45 AM EDT reply actions

I hate to nitpick, but that’s Trey Parker, not Matt Stone. Also, is it possible to get LSUFreek to make a gif of a huge horned frog (instead of the old lady) opening the door and squirting awful death acid into Trey’s face?

by Freak Power in '08 on Oct 17, 2008 10:49 AM EDT reply actions

I ventured for to Ft. Worth last night to watch the Frogs beat the Fightin Momons. Very impressive. O – the sack you mentioned by Hughes was unbelievable in person. The Frog lines were dominant on both sides.

by HeadThief on Oct 17, 2008 10:55 AM EDT reply actions

Actually Biggus, they only followed Joe to Illinois, where he was killed. Brigham Young, of many wives, led them to Utah. In fact, you can visit a park and monument NE of Salt Lake City, where they decided to stop, cleverly called “This is the Place” heritage park. Creative folks those Mormons.

Under the Banner of Heaven, YeahYeah!

by skinnyphatman on Oct 17, 2008 11:00 AM EDT reply actions

These guys apparently are also big time believers in the Houston Nutt Phenom.

by Lonely in T-Town on Oct 17, 2008 11:08 AM EDT reply actions

I find it humorous how many people only know what Krakauer told them about Mormonism and then use that to espouse their feelings on the religion (I’m not saying you are doing this, skinnyphatman; your reference just reminded me of that phenomenon).

Not saying he was far off, just that it is one perspective.

/off topic religiosity

by AllWhoYonder on Oct 17, 2008 11:48 AM EDT reply actions

Man oh man do I love being right

by Grimey on Oct 17, 2008 11:53 AM EDT reply actions

AWY,
I also saw the South Park episode on the LDS faith, so I think I am pretty well informed. I read the Krakauer book because I read some of his other works and liked them, and since I live and work in the mountain west, I have occasion to interact with many of the LDS faith. I find them generally good people, just dont expect to enjoy a round of beers at the local titty bar with them. They simply have different* beliefs than I do, no big deal. By the way, I am white and also have some black friends, straight, but have gay friends. Ahhhh I feel much better about myself now.

*and therefore must be ridiculed before they are ultimately destroyed.

by skinnyphatman on Oct 17, 2008 12:01 PM EDT reply actions

Wow. Harvardyardpicks.com huh? These guys have obviously never been to Arkansas and know nothing about football. Houston Nutt was a disaster. Good riddance.

by Razorpig on Oct 17, 2008 12:06 PM EDT reply actions

Oh, well, forgive me, skinny. I didn’t realize you’d seen that South Park. My apologies…

by AllWhoYonder on Oct 17, 2008 12:15 PM EDT reply actions

Thats right we got plumbers in Ohio, too!! Although they are also bigger and slower then the ones from the southern states!

by chi-town on Oct 17, 2008 12:42 PM EDT reply actions

OU >> TCU >> BYU >> UCLA >> Tennessee >> ….E-surance commercials???

by CrimsonCommodore on Oct 17, 2008 2:10 PM EDT reply actions

poor guy, can’t afford to buy a business which will net him ~250k / year. Can you imagine? THE HORROR!!!

by 3rd on Oct 17, 2008 2:27 PM EDT reply actions

ESSSSS EEEEEE SEEEEEE PLUMMMMMMMER SPEEEEED

by rubberballsandliquor on Oct 17, 2008 2:31 PM EDT reply actions

Grimey @18: Wow, a plumber from Ohio turns out to be Buckeye fan, what were the odds of THAT?

by oc phil on Oct 17, 2008 2:38 PM EDT reply actions

Regarding Georgia’s penalties, don’t forget Terence Moore’s diagnosis that last’s year’s performance against Florida was the catalyst.

Apparently end-zone celebrations present seizure symptoms 12 months out, resulting in rashes of false start penalties.

by devin on Oct 17, 2008 2:43 PM EDT reply actions

Despite the roots of this site in Florida Gator-ism, I have to mention that I believe Bobby Bowden gives the absolute best half-time interviews known in CFB.

Last night was only one example, even though I’m sure he didn’t see Erin until he blurted only about half of the “Screw You” he wanted to give the ref. (All the while Erin grins from ear to ear – “Old people are funny! Unless they are near death and then they are creepy. Because they’re near death.”)

Also: “How do you fix the holding problem? (incredulously) You go to the locker room and you pray.” Which explains how they won right? Bronco should have tried that one in his locker-room – but if he did, it didn’t work cause God was busy dealing with St. Bobby.

The best was early this year, I think.

“Well,” says Bobby, “we’re not blocking. And we’re not tackling. If we start blocking. And tackling. I think we’ll be OK.” (They lost, BTW).

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Oct 17, 2008 3:38 PM EDT reply actions