PHIL FULMER'S MORNING ROUTINE, INTERRUPTED

by Orson on Oct 16, 2008 10:52 AM EDT

You realize that Phil Fulmer probably waddled strode confidently into his office this morning, grabbed his cup of coffee and slab of batter-fried venision bagel, and thought happy thoughts. Tough days make tough people, Phil. Tough people get through tough times. He probably checked the wall: yup, trophies still there. Looked in the mirror. Yup, Pumpkinhead Champion still looking back at him.

He reviewed the emails for the day. He perused some notes Chavis left for him, and then probably brought in Dave Clawson to slap him until his cheeks bled talk some third down strategy. Then a few recruiting calls: just a check-in, a little how ya' doin' with his cheat sheet in hand to remember who he was talking to and what they liked, being careful not to confuse them and insult the tender but unstable ego of the blue-chipper he was trying to woo to Knoxville.

Then, he looked through his mail and found an envelope. It was postmarked "Starkville," and contained one thing: an 8 X 10 glossy:

And a note that read "YOU'RE NEXT.--CROOM"

Then the world grew cold, his blood coagulated to icy sludge in his veins, and for the first time Phil Fulmer knew fear, for it was holding him tight in his very arms like an arctic boa constrictor.

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It’s called “getting Croomed” and it’s about to happen to Phat Phil.

by HLR on Oct 16, 2008 11:01 AM EDT reply actions

First – giggity.

by Houston's Nutts on Oct 16, 2008 11:03 AM EDT reply actions

@1 GOD DAMN YOU HLR

by Houston's Nutts on Oct 16, 2008 11:04 AM EDT reply actions

Thank you Coach Croom for saving us from [name redacted]!

by g8rslm on Oct 16, 2008 11:06 AM EDT reply actions

Worse: A “First” post that isn’t first or damning the person who swooped in and stole the glory?

This would be my favorite Crooming ever if it happens, and if there’s a just God it will.

by Biggus Rickus on Oct 16, 2008 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

We will never tire of that photo of Croom ever.

by Orson Swindle on Oct 16, 2008 11:13 AM EDT reply actions

The truly poetic Crooming would involve Missy State winning 4-3, with their two scores coming on 1) a Tennessee holding penalty in the end zone and 2) the ball being batted out the back of the EZ after an Arian Foster fumble at the UT1.

by Doug on Oct 16, 2008 11:17 AM EDT reply actions

I’m pretty sure Fulmer’s blood was already quite viscous, thank you very much.

by PW on Oct 16, 2008 11:26 AM EDT reply actions

People wrote Fulmer off for dead last year, too. What did he do? As much as I hate to say this – he won the SEC East and got a contract extension.

What do Buttons the Cat and Phil Fulmer have in common? Answer: They both seem to have 9 lives. I don’t know how many Phil has used up but he may still have some left.

From a purely selfish motive, I hope so. It’s kinda nice knowing that we can write a “W” in the win/loss column with indelible ink every third Saturday in September.

Rooting for Phil…..

by hobeg8r on Oct 16, 2008 11:27 AM EDT reply actions

Where are these batter fried venison bagels that you speak of?

by AlanInDC on Oct 16, 2008 11:30 AM EDT reply actions

Fulmer & McCain.

Croobama’d.

by Bobby Decatur on Oct 16, 2008 11:33 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, the cattle gun if you please….

by PW on Oct 16, 2008 11:37 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, that’s not Heavy C in the picture.

He did that at practice one day, but that isn’t him.

by SandyHookReb on Oct 16, 2008 11:39 AM EDT reply actions

Croom already has his one “signature win” of the year.

by hailstate on Oct 16, 2008 11:54 AM EDT reply actions

hailstate,

I daresay that beating Tennessee this year doesn’t qualify as a “signature” win.

by Biggus Rickus on Oct 16, 2008 11:57 AM EDT reply actions

If I were the Mississippi Administrators, I would never, ever fire Croom. Having the ability to, once a year, turn any program into a complete cluster-fuck would be too much fun.

by That 5.0 Guy on Oct 16, 2008 12:00 PM EDT reply actions

Nor was beating Zook, Shula, or The Orgeron.

by PW on Oct 16, 2008 12:03 PM EDT reply actions

That may not be Croom, but this is:

http://media.scout.com/Media/Image/34/340980.jpg

by RIP Logan Young on Oct 16, 2008 12:07 PM EDT reply actions

Biggus Rickus, it does if you’re Sly Croom – the dumbest coach in the SEC (thanks, Ed Orgeron!)

by hailstate on Oct 16, 2008 12:16 PM EDT reply actions

5.0 guy, I’d be more concerned with the complete cluster fuck he’s created at State.

by hailstate on Oct 16, 2008 12:20 PM EDT reply actions

CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!1
He needs this win just as much as Phat Phil, It should be a great Crooming on the Tennessee River.

by Knowshon on Oct 16, 2008 12:26 PM EDT reply actions

Doug @ 7 – the only problem with that score is that you didn’t factor in Eric Berry. He’s good for at least 6.

by hobeg8r on Oct 16, 2008 12:47 PM EDT reply actions

Hey, Knowshon! How ya doin’ bud?! Sorry Bama made you Laid-Out during your Black-Out. IF you make it to the SECCG, you BETTER be a KNOWSHOW. LOL. 40-17 with under 4 mins to go. Roll Tide, Baby!

by BamainBlack on Oct 16, 2008 2:36 PM EDT reply actions