JOE PATERNO, EPICUREAN
by Orson on Oct 16, 2008 1:28 PM EDT
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PrintDeath does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Joe Paterno is dying in front of our eyes, and that is no overly dramatic statement. His body is beginning the inevitable decline he staved off for so many year by running, staying involved in his job, and leaning on the good credit his robust genes advanced him in his later years. This is not a sentimental judgment: it's fact, as clear to the viewer as the cane he now requires to get from point A to point B or as obvious as his absence from the sidelines when he takes to the booth in the second half of games due to hip pain.
Brent Musberger may be annoying, predictable, and prone to over-excitement on the smallest play, but give him due credit for honesty in discussing the factors motivating Paterno's insistence on remaining on the sideline.
He is fearful and he looks back at Bear Bryant as the example he is fearful that he would not be with us if he stepped away. He is a man that doesn't fish, doesn't play golf...he has no other interest other than his family and football. And he's just afraid what would happen with the rest of his life if he walks away from it.
"What would happen" here is cloaked language for what happened to Bryant: death.
If you feel a vague unease at all this, at watching Paterno slowly deteriorate physically, it should be a familiar creep: it is the same sensation the smell of hospital disinfectant gives us, since everyone we've ever known kicked off in the perpetually swabbed and sterile corners of a hospital. It's the primate fear associated with anything reminding you of your own demise.
In the pilot of Six Feet Under, there's a debate about how death is dealt with in America: that it is too sterile, too impersonal, too well-packaged to properly recognize the moment. Nate insists his father's burial should be a more personal, emotional farewell than the standard packaged, gift-wrapped costume dramas they sell; David, the other brother, objects, but ultimately relents at the graveside.
We're more on Nate's side, as annoying as the character was, but would like to take it a step further: the unease surrounding Paterno is part of an overall gerontophobia, a fear of the old rooted in the fact that some deep, primal part of your brain recognizes that if you're lucky, you'll be tottering along in slip-ons and a robe at the end of the driveway as part of a four-minute ordeal just to get the mail. Many of you are scared of old people because they're "creepy," which we take to mean "close to death, and therefore death-y, and therefore 'creepy.'
To be fair, some old people may scare you for legitimate reasons. Many in our part of the nation have both guns and cataracts, a great combination resulting in festive fun for the whole family. ("Don't go over in the yard to get the ball, kid. That's how people die.") They do tend to be stubborn, they do remind you of death because they're so much closer (by the odds, at least) than you are, and they do have a statistically significant propensity for causing horrific traffic accidents.
However, Joe Paterno, as morbid as it may seem, may be living the dream: he's choosing both how to live, and potentially how to die. Most of our friends, when asked "how would you like to go," usually choose the Willie Nelson route of "being shot climbing out of a woman's window at 135 years old." The more common answer, however, would be "doing what I do," which in JoePa's case is to die coaching football.
This may seem creepy, but the fault would not be on Paterno, who being a Classicist by education seems Stoic in his approach toward death. Musburger may have been plying inside information, but he may have also ignored another, more positive angle on this: Paterno's fear of no longer being able to do what he loves, not what would happen if he stopped doing it. The fault is in the viewer, so insulated from aging and death that the sight of it in any real form obscures the fact that Paterno, in the form he's chosen, is doing his job as well as anyone in the country right now...and happens to be very, very old.
This seems less like a man worried about death, and more worried about how he's going to get through the rest of life in spite of the pain his body is experiencing--an Epicurean in the purest sense of the word to the end, and the current coach of the number three team in the nation. Let him live how he chooses. Whether anyone likes it or not, death will take care of the rest. The rest is useless worry, and a waste of precious life with the clock winding down.
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Damn.. that just… sucks…. (seeing Joe Pa like dat.)
by ALGator on Oct 16, 2008 1:33 PM EDT reply actions
And then there’s Bobby – doing it for all the wrong reasons.
by hobeg8r on Oct 16, 2008 1:35 PM EDT reply actions
…aaaand I now feel bad for wanting Penn State to lose just so I don’t have to write about their program. FEELINGS, GO BACK INSIDE.
by Holly on Oct 16, 2008 1:40 PM EDT reply actions
I admire JoePa greatly, but I think I’ll select the Johnny Carson retirement plan for myself.
by decemberist on Oct 16, 2008 1:49 PM EDT reply actions
Well put sir, and might I add “Brains!”
Bobby hinted about the Bear’s quick demise after retirement as a reason that he is hanging on. Though the real reason is he is narcissism.
As for me, I plan on putting on an orange apron and hang out at the HD when I get old. Whether they hire me or not.
by Kerwin4two on Oct 16, 2008 1:55 PM EDT reply actions
Well said and very respectful. JoePa deserves to go on his own terms, whether that be go to retirement or go to the next life.
by Reverend Paul Revere on Oct 16, 2008 1:59 PM EDT reply actions
Well put, Orson. It’ll be a sad day in this valley when Joe goes. Either from coaching, or altogether.
by TheK-GunNeedsReloaded on Oct 16, 2008 2:11 PM EDT reply actions
@ 6
Tried that scam at the Wal-Mart greeter section once. Was shown the door. Apparently, the Walton’s are “anti-hug.”
by hlh on Oct 16, 2008 2:13 PM EDT reply actions
The creepy thing in that photo is the banner, which at a glance appears to say “CORPSE.com”
by Ears Whitworth on Oct 16, 2008 2:13 PM EDT reply actions
I think it is ironic that Tommy and Terry are done way before Bobby is…..
Paterno is the closest thing that college football has to a Congressman who never leaves office, doesnt have to, doesnt want to, he is the master of his domain….Would work for free just to work and be around people…Old people fear being alone, since most of their real friends are inactive or passed on, and their families usually see them when its convenient for the family….Paterno is cut from the fabric of those who have to work to live. It is who they are. Some people cannot have idle time, it drives them crazy. Could you imagine Joe Pa at some swanky retirement home? The lack of pressure starves them because good coaches feed off of it. Legends literally have to die on their own. If I wanted to put a Disney spin on this, Penn State goes all the way, wins the BCS, then Joe Pa dies in his sleep the next day.
Myself, I want to go out like Brad Pitt did in “Legends of the Fall”, fighting that damn bear…..
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Oct 16, 2008 2:16 PM EDT reply actions
What the fuck is this shit?
by 3L Over the Line, Sweet Jesus on Oct 16, 2008 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
I figured I’d provide the requisite “BRAINS” response to any post about Joe Pa, even on so classy as this.
by poguemahone on Oct 16, 2008 2:22 PM EDT reply actions
A ton of credit Orson; well written and insightful while taking an inspiring(?) position not seen too often.
As a Penn State fan, it has been strange reconciling what so far has been a season growing stronger with each passing week, yet at the same time seeing JoePa seemingly move in the other direction.
I’ve been critical of him the past two seasons, but now, with all things considered, nothng would make me happier then seeing Paterno on the sidelines of a BCS in January, yelling at a reporter for trying to do their job.
by DanF on Oct 16, 2008 2:23 PM EDT reply actions
I’m looking to go out on a hooker and heroin binge when I decide I’ve reached a ripe enough age or get diagnosed with cancer from too much smoking over too long a period, whichever comes first.
by Biggus Rickus on Oct 16, 2008 2:39 PM EDT reply actions
On second thought, I’d rather go out in hail of bullets like in “True Romance”, after a car chase, running from the government like the Bourne Idenity….even if I was 80 and all that was in my head……
How does Joe Pa remember all the players who has played for him? What happens if he has a “senior” moment and just starts not recognizing anyone?
Who is older, Al Davis or Joe Pa?
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Oct 16, 2008 2:47 PM EDT reply actions
I attend an annual coaches clinic put on by PSU each year in April. We are very accessible to the team and coaches as they work through spring drills. Make no mistake about it, JoPa is still the head coach of that team and is still VERY active in the day to day of what goes on on the field. I love going just to see him get in the grill of a 6’ 5" 330 lb lineman and tear him to shreads for blowing an assignment.
And a nicer guy you will not find. And I am not a Penn State Fan.
by shovel-pass on Oct 16, 2008 2:47 PM EDT reply actions
Outstanding post. That UF education done you good.
by 4.0 Point Stance on Oct 16, 2008 2:50 PM EDT reply actions
This is probably the best article I’ve read in relation to life and death. I agree, and having recently watched my grandfather do the sterile, unemotional crawl to the grave this is exactly what JoePa should be doing, coach until you can’t coach anymore JoePa.
by Chasing a Big XII Title on Oct 16, 2008 2:52 PM EDT reply actions
Great post Orson. You truly show your depth of knowledge of college football and writing. Joe Paterno has been my hero throughout my entire life, and it’s sad to see him not be able to do what he loves to do. I’ve always admired how he does things the way he wants to do them, and the end of his career is no different.
Thanks
by psuphiman80 on Oct 16, 2008 3:08 PM EDT reply actions
for a blog that spends 365 days a years microscoping men in their late teens/early 20’s, to pause and take in the vista that is not just Paterno but aging and death… well, that is just the kind of kewl and insightful writing that makes me sure we will not be blessed with your presence here forever… others will pay you filthy lucre to have you at their whim
and that for me, will be a most sad day
Socrates would have been proud to have you in one of his classes
by InsaneCoachPosse on Oct 16, 2008 3:12 PM EDT reply actions
The elderly definitely deserve more respect than they generally seem to receive
by OhioDawg on Oct 16, 2008 3:20 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, Bravo.
For all others concerned with college football:
Let him be.
If your only complaint about him is his age (as opposed to ‘no offense’, ‘poor play calling’, ‘antiquated game plan’ that you bewail all all other coaches for), you’re missing the most important part of this man’s existance. He is doing EXACTLY what he wants to do in the twilight of his life. And it ain’t bowling, golf, shuffleboard or checkers, or seated in a wheelchair watching reruns of Andy Griffith on an endless DVR loop.
Don’t steal from him his destiny by second guessing his motivation/ability/desires. If there is a Valhalla for football legends, JoPa will soon be enthroned at the head of the table, a skull goblet brimming with mead in one hand, a Penn State hottie cheerleader in the other and his bloody battle axe of a game plan on the rough wooden table before him.
Until then, let him fight his last battles as he will. Without them, he won’t reach Asgard.
by sullivan013 on Oct 16, 2008 3:22 PM EDT reply actions
Oh Jesus H…
Orson could take a three-day-burrito-brothers-binge shit on his keyboard and the acolytes would form a prayer vigil around it.
by boogerville on Oct 16, 2008 3:23 PM EDT reply actions
Orson could take a three-day-burrito-brothers-binge shit on his keyboard and the acolytes would form a prayer vigil around it.
No, we’ve done that. You can usually find them by googling “EDSBS Comments” and “meh.”
by Orson Swindle on Oct 16, 2008 3:25 PM EDT reply actions
Myself, I want to go out like Brad Pitt did in Legends of the Fall, fighting that damn bear ..
Comment by Mr.Pelican Pants October 16, 2008 @ 1:16 pm
/takes “Legends of the Fall” out of Netflix que…
by the croominator on Oct 16, 2008 3:31 PM EDT reply actions
Also, JoePa is enjoying this success without totally sacrificing many of the antiquated principles he still holds in such high regards. I know he started playing freshmen a few years ago, but doesn’t he still refuse to comment on recruiting, enforces that players wear black shoes, etc…?
As a Bammer I will never be convinced there is a better coach than Bryant, the changes in college football in the past 20 years have been just as great as those faced by men of Bryant’s generation.
It’s remarkable that someone can coach with any amount of success for as long as JoePa has.
by Kecalf Bailey on Oct 16, 2008 3:38 PM EDT reply actions
Some of your best (and coherent) writing. Joe reminds me of my grandfather. He worked his cattle until 98. Dead at 99. It was the love of work or doing the work that he loved that kept him going.
by bobo on Oct 16, 2008 3:41 PM EDT reply actions
I just re-read my post and realized my 10th grade writing skills made it so that what I wrote could be construed as derogatory.
It wasn’t. I didn’t mean antiquated in a negtive way, I mean it’s impressive that he still maintains such standards.
Also, by comparing the changes of the past 20 years with the 20 before, I was really referring to the growth of the media’s influence and the opening up of offences with things like the rise of two-platoon football and the integration of the game.
I meant the continued coaching throughout this evolution makes JoePa one of the greatest ever.
Sorry for being verbose.
by Kecalf Bailey on Oct 16, 2008 3:45 PM EDT reply actions
I plan to spend my golden years wandering aimlessly around my yard in a piss-stained bathrobe muttering incoherently.
A lot like my Sundays.
by Daywalker trailer park on Oct 16, 2008 3:59 PM EDT reply actions
Kecalf: Your post reminds me of another point. I wonder how Bear would have fared in this blogging word of instant criticism and review. I wonder if he would have been called “too old” with demands that he retire. I would hope not. We all need our legends just as much -if not more – as they might need us to admire them.
by hobeg8r on Oct 16, 2008 4:02 PM EDT reply actions
hobeg8r,
Considering Bear had either won outright or tied for the league title in something like 10 of his last 13 seasons I don’t think he’d have had that problem.
by Biggus Rickus on Oct 16, 2008 4:08 PM EDT reply actions
youre missing the most important part of this mans existance. He is doing EXACTLY what he wants to do
I think the most important thing that people miss about JoePa is not that he’s doing exactly what he wants to do (which he is).
It’s that “what he wants to do” is not just coach college football. It’s also helping kids become men. It’s hard to remember that sometimes: Paterno’s a teacher, like all good coaches.
So we’ve got a soon-to-be 82-year-old teacher who’s still helping kids, and still doing it well. And we want him to stop?
Screw that. Keep coaching, Joe. It’s not just about “you’ve earned it.” We should appreciate what Paterno’s doing. You don’t tell good teachers “thanks, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Paterno’s making the world a better place – one kid at a time. I hope lives to 100.
by Pat on Oct 16, 2008 4:12 PM EDT reply actions
In a press conference earlier this season, Paterno confirmed what many Penn Staters already knew — he wants to die on the field. I’ll see if I can find the link.
He’s been referring to Bear Bryant dying a month after retirement for years, probably not as much as Bowden though.
Prior to 2006, he was walking 30 miles a week. He hurt his knee a little bit hiking up Mt. Nittany with his grandkids that summer and then he got his leg broken in the Wisconsin game. Right now, his hip seems to be his biggest problem.
by WFY on Oct 16, 2008 4:19 PM EDT reply actions
I appreciate this more reasoned take on what’s happening @ PSU and the perceptions of what’s happening.
The great irony in the whole OLD = BAD thinking is that Joe is, for the most part, doing the same things he did in his younger days. Specifically, conservative playcalling and playing maligned seniors over underclassmen who were (at least perceived) to be more talented. You had Morelli over clark in 08, Derek Fox over (I think) James Boyd in 98, John Sacca over Kerry Collins in 92, and I am not old enough to say for sure, but I guess there were examples in 88, 78 and 68 that fit this argument against Joe as well.
by InScoresofOtherGames on Oct 16, 2008 4:26 PM EDT reply actions
Being a PSU homer I am obviously attached to the guy and hope he goes on as long as he can. I, like many, had doubts a few years agao when we went through our ‘dark ages’ but he weathered that storm. Now he is quite possibly heading towards his 2nd BCS bowl in four years which ain’t bad for any program.
On a side note: he injured his hip performing AN ONSIDE KICK in practice. Yeah, you heard me right. Anyone else in here think they could be trying that at 82? Hell, most other coaches half his age couldn’t do it right now (Mangino, Friedgen, Fulmer… heh heh)
by TheMightyErik on Oct 16, 2008 4:33 PM EDT reply actions
Dear Mr Swindle:
81? 82? What in the Sam Hill world coming to these days with such young whippersnappers wanting to retire? To do what? Dance the Charleston with Theda Bara? Explore the River of No Return with Teddy Roosevelt? Attend the opera with Queen Victoria?
Bah, Humbug to them all. I, for one, will never quit working. Bring me my Postum and I am happy as a lark amassing my fortune and fame.
Sincerely yours,
T Herman Zweibel
by yoyofutbawl on Oct 16, 2008 4:39 PM EDT reply actions
+100 to you, sir, marvelous piece, long may JoePa reign over the Nittany Valley.
by sjs1959 on Oct 16, 2008 5:33 PM EDT reply actions
Is he the only active member of the Legends Coaching Poll?
And croominator, you can take Goodfellas, FightClub,TopGun,Tombstone, Grumpy Old Men,Blazing Saddles, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the Green Mile,Forrest Gump and the Longest Yard outta the cue too.
Speaking of movies, who gets to play Joe Pa in the big screen version of his life? DiCaprio? Pesci?
This is from 1994 and some of the storys are LOL funny:
http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/1994/12/12-12-94cm/12-12-94cm-12.asp
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Oct 16, 2008 5:36 PM EDT reply actions
Horrible article! He is dying in front of our eyes???
Joe is mentally sharp. Have you listened to him speak? You act as though he doesn’t know what’s going on with his players, assistant coaches, or the game plan.
Joe is definitely showing signs of age. But he could easily live another 7 – 10 years. To say that he is dying in front of our eyes is nothing short of morbid.
by B on Oct 16, 2008 5:38 PM EDT reply actions
Dear Mr. Swindle:
Your missive on Joe Pa was insightful. One of the most admirable aspects of your blog is the mixture of poetry and profanity.
Joe Pa will go out as he sees fit and the rest of us be damned. That is an attitude much to be admired.
Gring
by gring on Oct 16, 2008 5:41 PM EDT reply actions
definitely as good as http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2007/01/08/tonight-the-portrait-of-baldassare-castiglione/
grantland would be proud.
by lola on Oct 16, 2008 5:43 PM EDT reply actions
Cheers. To have a keen mind trapped in a failing body (not that it is failing that bad, I mean, hip pain?), I only hope to have the same opportunity in my fairwell years.
Joe Pa may actually get 75 virgins in heaven.
by meatybob on Oct 16, 2008 5:53 PM EDT reply actions
Some of the most insightful reading I’ve ever read on a college football blog.
Thank you.
by Tailgate Shogun on Oct 16, 2008 6:29 PM EDT reply actions
Clearly the only bitter pitter who reads EDSBS.
by psuphiman80 on Oct 16, 2008 6:34 PM EDT reply actions
O,
You are a genius. I am old enough to have seen JoePa as an assistant to Rip Engle beat my Bucks in 1964 (I was 7) 27-0. I saw him coach PSU to a 19-0 win over us in 1978 in Art Schlichter’s first game as a freshman. He is truly an icon in CFB. I hope he stays in the press box for his safety, I was always worried about him getting caught on the sidelenes like he was vs. Wisconsin.
All that being said, I still hope tOSU can beat him in Columbus next weekend. He has brought that team to the brink of a championship when there were few expectations. I guess that rumors of his demise were indeed premature.
by Crabapple Buck on Oct 16, 2008 6:51 PM EDT reply actions
Congrats to him for hanging in there, in his last few chapters… On the other hand, his program lives in the slime with the rest of the currently “successful” football programs. Just don’t paint him as a saint. PSU is at the top of a weak Big10, and may even be the best team in the country. With that schedule, we won’t know until they play in the top game. However, they got to where they are, with jucos and thugs. That is what is being ignored with all of hte JoePa love in the media. It’s ok to admire him, but you must also lump him in with the other “schools” who recruit athletes-not-students (Oklahoma, Southern Cal, you know who they are). Joe’s just creative in coming up with new ways to fool the media: Send someone to the ER? Then clean out a section or two – brilliant. He’s got you all fooled.
by jerry on Oct 16, 2008 7:47 PM EDT reply actions
Orson,
A quadrillion cocktails to you for one of the best short reads I’ve had in a long time. (Puts handkerchief down)
And to you douchenozzles who racked on this masterpiece, well,…..time passes more quickly and cruelly than you evidently understand. You’ll get yours.
Pat @36 – great add. You hit the nail on the head. Great coaches are about a lot more than the game….they change lives. JoePa is still doin’ it every day.
And no, I’m not a PSU fan.
by Benny Lava on Oct 16, 2008 7:53 PM EDT reply actions
#51
Fun fact Penn State has only had three JUCO players in there history. The current two on the roster have done nothing wrong, and they don’t even play. They also have a high graduation rate, good grades, and there have been many good kids to come out of Paterno’s long tenure. Joe has held his program to a higher standard for a long time and when some of his kids didn’t live up to the programs expectations he took some heat. The man is a legend on the college football landscape.
by psuphiman80 on Oct 16, 2008 9:20 PM EDT reply actions
Hey Jerry, Which coach do you think has run more kids through their program with higher graduation rates by any metric you chose- Joe has simply coached more kids than any head coach in any one school, and I would hold up Joes stat on any metric you can think of based on his career.
So who would you like to compare him to?
by Capsu78 on Oct 16, 2008 10:02 PM EDT reply actions
Jerry, you’re wrong. While Penn State has had their share of off-the-field problems, the program still graduates over 78% of it’s players (compared to the national average of 67%). Paterno cares more for developing kids into men than he cares for wins and losses. To lump Penn State with the rest of the “slime” that you mention is absurd and the only one here who looks foolish is you. There’s not going to be any major university that does things entirely perfect, but Penn State — and Joe — does more things right than wrong.
by Phil on Oct 16, 2008 10:08 PM EDT reply actions
Lump me in with the “Orsonologists”, I don’t give a damn. Pieces like this breathe fresh air into the muck of blogs which treat football like it exists in a vacuum. +100 to you, lawya.
by Flatlander on Oct 16, 2008 10:22 PM EDT reply actions
Is he really an Epicurean? He seems to me more like Aurelius, here talking about the single wing:
“Every part of me then will be reduced by change into some part of the universe, and that again will change into another part of the universe, and so on forever.”
Or like Montaigne — “To philosophize is to learn how to die,” where philosophize = put in a new offense.
by Delicious Pundit on Oct 17, 2008 2:12 AM EDT reply actions
As a current Michigan student and fan, I must thank you for this Orson. Before the game tomorrow, I will pour out a shot of whatever I’m drinking to numb the pain for JoePa.
by Biff on Oct 17, 2008 11:03 AM EDT reply actions
@51 – Yeah, he’s just like that. You have it all figured out (except for the facts, that is). As psuphiman80 pointed out, PSU doesn’t do Juco. JoePa’s ‘thugs’ are dealt with quickly and more harshly than any other program and most are thrown off the team immediately. All of this while maintaining one of the highest grad rates in the nation while the program has never been on probabtion or even under investigation.
Yeah, you figured him out, Jerry.
by TheMightyErik on Oct 17, 2008 1:10 PM EDT reply actions
Is this the national perspective: That JoePa is dying? You got to be kidding me. He needs hip surgery and he’s putting it off to the end of the season. Yeah, he’s 82 and that’s pretty old, but I’ve stood next to him while he was doing some motivational speaking last year and he’s a smart and funny dude — didn’t seem old at all. He isn’t going to retire anytime soon. So how bout we shelve this angle until he really does retire or die, and discuss hou good PSU has become this year without many of their projected Defensive starters.
by Ryan on Oct 17, 2008 1:43 PM EDT reply actions
I, among many others, really dogged you for the “Count Giggity” thing a couple of weeks ago. So, please let me say that writing like this is the reason I read this site every single day.
You are gifted. You must never forget all that that implies.
Thank you.
by michael mahoney on Oct 17, 2008 7:00 PM EDT reply actions
Luv ya JOE PA!. You ARE football, father figure, grandpa, ETC. You went through it when these modern-da buttwipes were still in diapers. I have the UTMOST respect for you.
by Al on Nov 22, 2008 1:36 AM EST reply actions
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