TY WILLINGHAM HITS THE BACK NINE.
Please give a surly EDSBS welcome to guest poster Monday Morning Punter, KSK Mafioso and Deadspin weekend rustler.
Alright everybody listen up! I believe in all of you. It’s a big home game, it’s on TV. So let’s get to practice and get down to business. Jake?
Yeah coach?
How’s that thumb of yours? Ready to practice this week?
You know coach, I was thinkin’. How come you never let us tailgate? I saw bunches of people tailgating last week. How come you never let us do that?
…Well, Jake, you’re…you’re playing in the games. The tailgates are for people that watch the games. You can’t tailgate and expect to do well in the game.
But I can’t play this week. I’m injured. So I can go tailgating this Saturday?
No, Jake. You need to stay on the sideline and keep up with the games. So you know what’s going on when you DO come back.
Oh.
Like I said, men. It’s time to get it into gear, and this will be the game–
Hey coach?
Dammit, Jake. Now what?
I don’t think I’ll make it back this year. So can I tailgate this weekend? You said if I didn’t come back, I could tailgate. So just scratch me for the remainder, k?
You like your scholarship, Jake? Because if you want to stay in school here, you’ll forget about tailgating on Saturday.
Okay…
So like I said, get focused and think about this game. We’re gonna need to make some plays and–
Hey coach?
Jake, if you just wait three weeks, YOU can coach this damn team and you can do whatever you want!
Good point, coach.
Oh, Jiminy Christmas. Let’s just take the day off, guys. Hit the showers.
But I’m not dirty!
Git your ass outta my sight!
Loading ...
1
stevechas says:
Ty: May I speak to Mr. Hamilton please?
Secretary: he is still not in Mr. Willingham
Ty: Still? When does he work?
Sec: he is in alot of meetings this week sir.
Ty: Maybe if I fly in?
Sec: Don’t do that Mr. Willingham. We are having the carpets and drapes done and the office will be empty all week.
Ty Maybe if you would leave my name aga……hello? hello?
October 15th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
2
chi town spieth says:
Damn it Jake! Why dont you toss a ball in the air and take a win away from me!
October 15th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
3
Brian O'Blivion says:
I really dislike both teams, but I am definitely going to be rooting for U-Dub against Notre Dame on October 25th. The exploding Domer heads from losing that game would be just too much delicious schadenfreude.
October 15th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
4
AlanInDC says:
Ty Willingham is too golden for comedy to see him get fired. Hell, the blogoshpere should just pick up the rest of his contract.
October 15th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
5
gindole says:
Gindole: Ty, how do you feel about this piece from EDSBS?
Ty: Let me tell you something, OK. They have a pen and they have the paper. I can not control what motions their right hand, or left hand- since I do not know them personally, makes.
Gindole: Many speculate you will be gone soon. Is that fair.
Ty: Define fair.
Gindole: Let’s move on. If you are dismissed, what do you plan to do with your free time?
Ty: First of all, time is not free, OK. We, being individuals as we are, are only allotted a certain amount of it in any particular span of space, such as life. I will strive to make the correct decisions regarding time and I have every confidence that I will be able to suppress its effects.
Gindole: Nice one coach. Can you beat Notre Dame next week?
Ty: Please define beat.
Gindole: Coach, I’m not sure we can drill down any further on that one. Cut the shit and answer the question.
Ty: {smiles for 14 seconds} You are a clever one. I will give you that. That is a trap, OK, and it’s paramount that I avoid traps like this when trying to focus the energies of this program on the task at hand.
Gindole: What is the most pressing task at hand coach?
Ty: Define hand.
Gindole: Do happen to have any Tylenol?
Ty: You too? {curtain drops}
October 15th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
6
Crabapple Buck says:
How great would it be to see Ty as a commentator giving a critique of ND football? It would suck, but I would be laughing too hard to notice. If they play Jake Locker this year with nothing to play for, they should be fired on the spot for putting him at risk for their own personal gain.
Notre Dame will be proven right to get rid of his ass, but they didn’t upgrade enough with their portly replacement. That is today’s confession, but it is Wednesday, so it is NT God in charge. I still can’t pull for the Domers, but I can’t pull for UW either. The only reason to watch is the schadenfreude.
October 15th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
7
Alpo says:
That was definitely *not* Tyrone Willingham. Everyone knows that Ty can’t say five words without adding an “okay?” in a condescending I-can’t-believe-I have-to-explain-this-to-you tone. Likewise, you don’t find the words “young men,” or “system” or “opportunity” or hear himtalking in the third person, okay? Ty Willingham talks like that. But Ty Willingham never feels sorry for himself. Ty Willingham wakes up every morning with a chip on his shoulder, okay? And remember, nobody wants to win badder than Ty Willingham.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
8
weisgipper says:
I wonder if Washington will be considered a racist institution when they get rid of Ty?
I bet Mark May and John Saunders will slam them anytime they get the chance and predict them to lose every single game here on out!
October 15th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
9
Ted says:
KSK not funny at KSK, EDSBS.
Sorry, this should’ve gone in the confessions thread.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
10
Ted says:
gindole ftw, btw.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
11
fife in the bay says:
ty believes more in his tailor made r7 driver than he does in his team.
October 15th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
12
This Guy says:
Perhaps it’s just me, but it seems like the media refers to Ty Willingham as Ty more and more, and the more racially telling Tyrone less and less, since the window of low expectations closed at Washington, as if even they’ve finally abandoned the racial connotations.
October 15th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
13
Farley114 says:
In the interest of consistency I think Mark May should havve to vigorously support Ty Willingham for the Pitt coaching position when Wannstache is fired next year.
October 15th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
14
Wooderson says:
While it’s nice to see people hating ND for no apparent reason (I guess we’re still irrelevant) it’s going to be lots and lots of fun to watch the huskies get curb-stomped on 10/25. As much as everyone wants to see UW beat the Irish, it simply is not going to happen. There is barely anything resembling a working football team up there, and the loss of Locker pretty much eliminates any serious threats to the Irish.
To those who say Charlie wasn’t enough of an upgrade, I’d say 3 straight top 10 classes is not a bad haul. Also, there was no one lining up to take the job when it was open. We’re doing just fine, thank you.
October 16th, 2008 at 8:05 am
15
patty-pat-pat says:
Those tarbabies are no more than “choke-a-blokes.” The dingo-saurus couln’t keep ‘em down. The good news is, “meats back on the menu BOYS!” (the dingo-saurus ate your huskie) Incredible that even an off-week creates stir for the “entitled” irish, hey snarka-saurus???
October 16th, 2008 at 11:03 am
16
D-Nice says:
No one has fucked up their image more than Tyrone Willingham at UW.
He used to be able to legitimately argue that the ND administration was too trigger happy in firing him and that he performed fairly respectably in South Bend.
But, his UW tenure is a nightmare of epic proportions and he clearly looks like he doesn’t care.
Where there were maybe racial implications upon his ND firing, there are no racial implications in firing Ty at this point. Only the most delusional would argue that he doesn’t fully deserve to be fired.
October 16th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
17
Dennis Strojny says:
ND fires Ty for exactly the same thing he’s doing to UW. He didn’t recruit and left us with a virtual “death penalty”. Only ND haters like John Saunders and Mark May can call us racists but not UW if they rightfully can him.
October 17th, 2008 at 8:41 am