TY WILLINGHAM HITS THE BACK NINE.

Please give a surly EDSBS welcome to guest poster Monday Morning Punter, KSK Mafioso and Deadspin weekend rustler.

Alright everybody listen up! I believe in all of you. It's a big home game, it's on TV. So let's get to practice and get down to business. Jake?

Yeah coach?

How's that thumb of yours? Ready to practice this week?

You know coach, I was thinkin'. How come you never let us tailgate? I saw bunches of people tailgating last week. How come you never let us do that?

...Well, Jake, you're...you're playing in the games. The tailgates are for people that watch the games. You can't tailgate and expect to do well in the game.

But I can't play this week. I'm injured. So I can go tailgating this Saturday?

No, Jake. You need to stay on the sideline and keep up with the games. So you know what's going on when you DO come back.

Oh.

Like I said, men. It's time to get it into gear, and this will be the game--

Hey coach?

Dammit, Jake. Now what?

I don't think I'll make it back this year. So can I tailgate this weekend? You said if I didn't come back, I could tailgate. So just scratch me for the remainder, k?

You like your scholarship, Jake? Because if you want to stay in school here, you'll forget about tailgating on Saturday.

Okay...

So like I said, get focused and think about this game. We're gonna need to make some plays and--

Hey coach?

Jake, if you just wait three weeks, YOU can coach this damn team and you can do whatever you want!

Good point, coach.

Oh, Jiminy Christmas. Let's just take the day off, guys. Hit the showers.

But I'm not dirty!

Git your ass outta my sight!

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