NO, REALLY. NO ULTERIOR MOTIVES HERE.

… and now Orson-as-Fat-Devil-Baby has taken up permanent residence in my nightmares.

Perhaps Dr. Lou has a cure for what’s ailing the Vols.

I hear Tony Franklin has some spare time and some creative ideas for SEC offensive schemes…

Holly really is gonna cut you this time.

I nominate Art Shell. Basically the black Fulmer (overweight, vacant stare, inept yet sheltered by a single shining moment).

The Bowden boys – they might do a package deal. (All 3 of them). They would probably add up to the size of one Fulmer.

I’m surprised Jim Tressel wasn’t mentioned. Tennessee might do as well in the SEC this year as we’ve done in bowl games for over 30.

My cusin Sonny with Down Syndrome is available, he likes Krispy Kremes too.

He’s got Sarah Palin’s vote.

Johnny Majors: Putting the “fun” in “low-functioning alcoholism”.

Hey, why not Sarah Palin as UT’s next coach? Beloved in the red states, aggressive on defense, and she’s campaigned in Florida several times this year, and that alone means she obviously knows everything she needs to know to beat the Gators.

blow me

Re: Johnny Majors – “…intoxicating presence..”

Close. So very, very close.

From the wikipedia article on Johnny Majors -

“In 1992 he was forced out while he was recovering from heart surgery. An assistant by the name of Phillip Fulmer (which Majors hired himself) not only STOLE the position, but was the main force behind his resignation.”

Gotta be true.

This is when you institute the greatest punt, pass, and kick contest ever. Pick any yokel from the stands, preferably with teeth, a GED or equivalent, and an understanding of UT history. Winner gets the privilege of coaching the Vols!

Beloved Sarah Rules Dept:

Sarah is awesome and does not need to be ridiculed by being included in the same sentence with Phat Phil Phulmer. (Only Tina Fey is allowed to poke fun at our pretty Sarah.)

Saw Orson Swindle on Frontline last night, discussing The McCain, by the way. Seems to me Obama’s resume is skinnier than he and he just has had a few more years than our pretty Sarah to memorize and practice answering questions from lefty journalists, which is redundant, btw….

(I sitll have no idea why I find that funny sounding woman so attractive…could it be her use of fire arms?)

You know what’s pretty? That picture of ourselves in the devil costume.

[/axeing any political discussion here.]

you forgot al groh, greg robinson, and (shudder) kirk ferentz.

Damn, that was Orson as the Devil-Baby? I thought it was Food Network Personality Alton Brown*

*Also should be considered for the UT job.

I humbly nominate [Name Redacted]

Seriously, didn’t Phil just pledge $1M to UT? Does he get to take it back if he is fired?

Awww Buttons is t3h cute

Yes, sign on with Fran!!

Alleviate pesky problems such as defensive speed!! Keep your fan base at bay by fielding planted questions at coaches’ nights, or bypass that problem altogether by diagramming the “winning” play against your arch-rival!! Misuse record-setting high school quarterbacks, and shell-shock others into running the dreaded (echo voice box) *SMOKE DRAW!" Continue your school’s tradition of losing bowl games!! Don’t run your 280+lb “tailback” a fourth consecutive time against OU on the one-yard-line, allowing them to win by one point!!! Lose the largest by the largest deficit in even the oldest of your school’s fans’ memories!!

Call today, before supplies run out (to Manhattan, KS)!!!!

You know Petrino is chomping at the bit.
Also, ORGERON!

Back in 3rd Grade Dept:

#16, That picture of Orson in costume is pretty….
…pretty BAD!!!

How in the hell did Mike Shula not make that list?

There any good golf courses down there in Knoxville?

You’re selling Buttons short. There are three obvious benefits:

1) Sure, his/her schemes are a bit simple, but Buttons might be able to teach the receivers to catch fuzzy strings, which would be a start.

2) The risk of Buttons dying on the sideline is low – instead of the pervasive risk of heart failure, Buttons is only in danger from larger predator mascots, and Tennessee has played Auburn and Georgia already.

3) Buyout clause stipulates three cases of whiskas, a carton of kitty litter, and two bags of catnip. Same as Fulmer, except for the $6 MM part.

@#16
Oh man, Orson sure loves him some Orson, its all about you in your devil costume isn’t it, we should call you T.O. Swindle

Button’s looks cute but I bet he would kick your ass — in a race with Buttons, a pregnant lady, those sausages from the Milwaukee Brewers, Orson and Mark May, I think Orson would finish ninth or something like that…..

Go Noles on Thursday !

Terry Bowden! A return to the SEC is his destiny!

How bout Joe Kines and his famous “inside trout” defense?

Joey Kent -
has ties to the program, and should be waking up right about now….

a certain university of illinois head coach would fit it nicely. please jesus let it happen.

Does Phil get a golden parachute of Krispy Kremes for life if he’s fired? They might go out of business (the horror!).

I nominate Norm Chow. The fanbase will identify with him, fa sho.

i don’t as long as they keep those cute uniforms! LOLZ

I dont know how you over looked Bill Callahan. A damn fine recuiter, offensive genius and will give the program the respect it deserves.

Also, Its same UCLA snatched up Slick Rick. He would have been awsome in the SEC.

The good news: Ty Willingham and Coach O are available (or soon to be!)…………or could it be that Skip Holtz’s sudden decision last week to “take one for the team” and the UT administration’s sudden indication it might consider a mid-season firing the Tennessee version of the Ole Miss gambit?

Only time will tell.

Okay Orson, not taking me serious are you? Jon Grudon – 5 years 15 million. Pete was too expensive.

Clemson is talking to him also.

Ryno: Alton Brown would never get that job. He’s a Georgia man.

Aren’t there any NFL retreads out there who aren’t currently employed? What about Herm Edwards? That would be pretty cool. Get that out there and let’s start the Rainbow Coalition pressure for Herm Edwards. Does he even have a job right now?

actually I saw ol’ Herm the other day at lunch. He’s a sandwhich artist at the Subway on Duke St.

Isn’t there a Colquitt available? One has to be old enough to coach by now, right?

You know who they want … the prodigal son S.O.S.

You might be able to talk Hal Mumme back in the SEC. Better yet, Mike Price!

Terry Bowden! No, Tommy Bowden! No, Terry! Wait, Tommy! He’s my brother. He’s my coach. He’s my brother. He’s my coach.

Forget it Jake, it’s Knoxville.

Buttons has a few things to work out…he would get rid of the Vol Navy because of his fear of water.
Practice and games would have to be at night, its hard to coach when you are sleeping during the day.(This also works for Bobby Bowden and JoePa, just have to be done by supper)
The chain gang would be a distraction because of the urge to pounce on anything dragging across the ground. He would personally train the defense since all the DB’s would be required to catch him by hand after they squirt him with a water gun—that alone would make them faster—if you have a cat, try that, you’ll see what I mean…..

Buyout Clause? No…
Buyout Claws? Yes! 300 kilos of Premo Catnip..STAT!
Also, Where are we on the Coach Bryant coaching tree? Has that tree fallen over? Was Croom the last one?

Can you not get Peyton to retire and take over since he isnt the same since the surgery? His Fantasy production has fallen off a cliff since he and his receivers are falling apart…..he would be a whole ‘nutha level as far as coaching up the QB’s is concerned…..

After seeing the devil baby picture, I’m just glad this wasn’t a post regarding the inept nature of the Arizona State offense. Thanks, I guess.

This might surprise some people, but Coach Riley of Oregon State played for Coach Bryant in the early 70s.

How about “team head coaching”? Houston Nutt as passing game coordinator, Mike Leach as power runnning game coordinator, and the Great Pumpkin as “d” coordinator because he looks good in orange.

Why is no one pimping Spurrier for this gig? Looks good in orange, can beat UGA and rather than the proximity Masters Pass he could roll up on the Dollywood guest membership. Why, that has to be worth…..a twenty spot,

Well gosh, if I didn’t know any better I might think you’re taking pleasure in our misery.

I wouldn’t inflict Barnett or Green on Vol Nation, but you guys can have RichRod any time you want him.

What about Johnelle? I think he’d be a great fit for the program. You can cut the coach’s clothing budget in half, and he’s really entertaining at press conferences.