NO, REALLY. NO ULTERIOR MOTIVES HERE.

Tennessee's thinking about thinking about the idea of firing Phil Fulmer, and being a playful rival but concerned fellow SEC member school fan, we thought we might just help out by mentioning a few candidates for the head coaching position that Tennessee athletic director Mike Hamilton may want to consider in his search.

What's that you say? Brimstone? That's preposterous. We're sure it's just barbecue or something.

Here's the list of people you should be considering. Some of them are just sitting around on couches right now just waiting for our call. They're like loose change between the cushions but instead of paying for a late-night Taco Bell fourth meal, these guys could buy you the delicious chalupa of a national title!

Our list of candidates is as follows:

Dennis Franchione. A proven winner, people person, and a straight shooter. A winner, and had the sense to leave the Alabama job for a successful tenure at hrmble murphmumblemrphedhrm University! Also, an enterprising sort bound to find all kinds of innovative ways of opening up revenue streams for the program. Have you considered charging fans for oxygen? Dennis has!

Johnny Majors. He's in town. You already know him to be an intoxicating presence on a personal level, and at 73 he's merely middle-aged. (Seventy is the new forty!) Would restore class and tradition to this program by wearing a tie on the sidelines. A solid, cylindrical tie filled with "thinking juice." Friendly with the current coaching staff!

Gary Barnett. Tanned, rested, and ready. Improves cash flow in program by keeping large boxes full of it in the locker room. Like half of any male fanbase, hates women! Once beat a horse to death with a claw hammer for "looking at him the wrong way." Now that's kind of man that can handle a challenge ilke the Tennessee football program.

Buttons the Cat. Buttons! Awww, sweet widdle Buttons.

Buttons the Cat might not "add anything" to your football program except a reeking litter box and shredded orange chairs in the players' lounge, but we'll also tell you this: Buttons also wouldn't throw on third and one, either. And look at him eating a popsicle LOLoverwhemedwithcuteness!

Dennis Green. Calm, composed leadership for any program.

Ron Prince. A rising young star, and yours for the taking at rock bottom prices!

A particularly unripe cantaloupe with a face drawn on it and a headset. Or just keep Fulmer. It's pretty much the same thing at this point.

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