NAME REDACTED GIVES CREATIVE NICKNAMES
Hey you! You have a lot of hair! I’m likin’ it! Ol’ Bucket A Hair! That’s what I’m callin’ ya!
All that hair. I’m likin’ it. Makes you look like an alien. Or an alien that plays football but with a lotta hair comin’ all down your back. Bucket ‘A Hair. YEAAAAHHHH!!!
[Drives Bentley Golf Cart into brick wall while texting recruit.]
Thinkin’ you all need nicknames. Thinkin’ it makes recruiting better. Thinkin’ gets kids excited. Gotta have excitement. Gotta have passion. Gotta have rugby punts. Gotta have a shower. Ol’ Coach showers seven times a day with a waterproof phone to call recruits. Gotta stay fresh and clean. Keep the Zook Hook primed and ready for duty.
WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!! [performs 38 250 pound hangcleans in a row in shower, drops weight and cracks entire tile floor into spidery shards.]
You!
I’m callin’ you Blackbeard, ’cause you’re black. Gotta beard, too. Blackbeard. Maybe you like piratin’. Booty. We’re all likin’ the booty. Especially me. LustyLatinas.com. Subscription. Wife found it. Not. Happy.
REGRETTING NOT USING THE COMPANY CARRRRRD!!!!
[Fails to score from the 5, misses a 4th and 1, loses to Minnesota.]
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1
Brian says:
Thats how my sister’s hamster got its name. It bites people. So we named him Bitey. Also after the opposum on the simpsons.
October 15th, 2008 at 10:23 am
2
AlanInDC says:
Blackbeard? Edgy…
October 15th, 2008 at 10:25 am
3
BurritoBrosShits says:
So, seeing his logic… If he’s an idiot, I will call him…. FUCKING IDIOT COACH WHO HAS TAKEN YEARS OFF MY LIFE!
October 15th, 2008 at 10:30 am
4
WarCardinals says:
Forget Zook, that reporter bored me to sleep
October 15th, 2008 at 10:32 am
5
Madman rhd says:
Zooks starting to sound like Phil Sebben from Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law.
Illini, my office! Ha-ha!
October 15th, 2008 at 10:47 am
6
dogtown gator says:
Gotta say, [REDACTED]’s nicknames are improvin’.
Or is it ‘have a lot of room for improvement?’
October 15th, 2008 at 10:48 am
7
beast in 'bama says:
Is that reporter the understudy of Pedro Gomez? (NTTAWWT)
October 15th, 2008 at 10:55 am
8
Kahuna says:
Orson, I really hope you’re also referencing the classically underrated SNL skit from the ‘86 season (I believe) that had Phil Hartman as a drill instructor making up nicknames for the recruits like “Mr. Laughing, Smiling, Joking Around Man” and “Mr. Feet Attached to Legs”…
October 15th, 2008 at 11:00 am
9
WhiteSpeedReceiver says:
You make it seem like losing to Minnesota is a bad thing. Come on, everybody’s doing it.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:03 am
10
justanotherbuckeye says:
Jason Mussman(sp?) has a face for radio.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:05 am
11
PW says:
8
There’s no way that skit is that old. I’d guess it was around 1993 or 1994.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:13 am
12
PW says:
It was 1988. Man, I’m getting old.
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/88/88d.phtml
October 15th, 2008 at 11:20 am
13
I'm A Lasagna Hog says:
I myself prefer 8th Street Latinas dot com.
October 15th, 2008 at 11:21 am
14
gerry dorsey says:
i was actually thinking of the snl skit with sandler coming up with lame ass halloween costumes.
NOW GIMME SOME CANDY!!
October 15th, 2008 at 11:46 am
15
Mr.Pelican Pants says:
#10
That kids gotta face only Edward James Olmos would love
October 15th, 2008 at 11:47 am
16
Harris says:
If [NAME REDACTED] pisses intensity, then he shits crazy.
October 15th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
17
cyclonestate says:
hey i met him once. the zooker that is. and juice.
October 15th, 2008 at 7:02 pm