SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.
In lieu of refunding everyone’s daily subscription fees for what’s turning out to be the first letdown day following the OMG GREATEST FOOBAW WEEKEND EVAR 2K8, we’re taking a step back. There’s absolutely nothing interesting happening today, so we’re focusing inward and using this time to improve ourselves as fans by confessing our greatest cardinal football sins. We surveyed ourselves, fellow bloggers just as strapped for content as we are this afternoon, and a few intrepid commenters. The following is our preliminary list of trespasses against our fellow man, our school loyalty, and in several cases against humanity itself.

Forgive me father, for I enjoy the sounds of “Rocky Top”.
ORSON, Florida: “I like Georgia’s colors.”
HOLLY, Tennessee: “I think the recitation of Neyland’s Maxims is one of the dumber traditions in college football and would like nothing better than to see it scrapped.”
PB, Texas: “I don’t hate Kirk Herbstreit like I should. It’s pitiful. He has some weird charisma that overwhelms my rational mind. Maddening.”
SIGNAL TO NOISE, USC: “I’ve started to hate Mark Sanchez. I was uneasy with it; there was something I couldn’t place. I was kind of “well, he’s the QB of the team I root for,” but when the announcers last week compared him to Vince from Entourage, my hate made sense.”
ROCKABYE REGGIE NELSON, Florida: “I prefer games on TV to games in person.”
WORSTFAN, Ohio State: “I want Ohio State to lose again, so I can stop trying to rationalize how they still deserve to be in consideration to be “in it”. I say this as a holder of two Ohio State degrees and former 5 year resident of the 43210.”
BURRITOBROSSHITS, Florida: “Feigning love for the Buckeyes to get laid. Actually worked but I felt really dirty and guilty afterwards. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, though, so I just bounced.”
MONDAY MORNING PUNTER, Ohio State: “Daryll Clark is the man! He strikes me as the kind of guy that could take a girl out to a nice dinner the one minute and then toss her down a flight of stairs the next.”
LT. WINSLOW, Miami: “Fuck it. I don’t regret it. I shared a brief, romantic moment with my coke-whore ex girlfriend’s best friend inside the privacy of a stall in the women’s bathroom in the west endzone of the Orange Bowl at the ‘06 Miami-FSU game. There were little teardrop shaped titties and a baggie of white powder and I’d do it again if I had the chance.”
We feel better already. Please, do join the purge party below with your worst transgressions.
350 Responses to “SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.”
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Pages: « 1 2 3 4 [5] 6 7 » Show All









201
DawgBoy83 says:
DawgBoy83, UGA
(Confession is, truly, good for the soul…)
- Because I now live in South Carolina, I’m cool with my kids getting free scholarships to Clemson and/or (the other) USC.
- Early in my childhood, I lived in southern Mississippi and learned “I’m a Rebel”… and I pull for them harder than any other SEC team outside of Athens. That’s “safe”, because we never play each other. If we ever have to, I hope it’s close.
- I may actually feel a bit sorry for Tech when we play them this year.
- I don’t care for our “four-finger wave” in the 4th quarter.
October 14th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
202
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
More? Really?
I would buy a bulldog, but I’d never buy one of the Uga line. Uga is – gulp – poorly bred.
I like Tech’s fight song. Really. “I drink my whiskey clear”? Hey! Me, too!
I do not want my unborn, but forming, boy to go to UGA.
October 14th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
203
Kip says:
I’ll never confess that Georgia Tech football probably isn’t ever going to be again what it was in the 1890s or early 1900s.
The Heismans and Dodds of the football world aren’t coming back to TECH.
October 14th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
204
Brian says:
I was in the swarm every year, and every year but freshman year, I hated the people who were in the swarm, and only did it so I didn’t have to bother with getting my tickets during the week, and the free t-shirt. I thought all of the kids in the swarm were giant tools.
Also, I always hate football during the month of August, but then invariably i get sucked back in after the first weekend of games.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
205
rsfrisch says:
Clempson Tiger-
the first thought after watching clemson kick a game winning field goal against carolina last year was “o s__ were gonna have to keep bowden!!”
and lsu’s version of hold that tiger (pregame) gives me chills, while clemsons doesnt do it for me
and what are we poor? wheres our live tiger?
October 14th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
206
Cherie says:
Cherie, Ohio State: I kinda miss John Cooper. I know but I do. Besides making fun of him was apart of the Buckeye Unity. Say anything bad about Tressel you might get death threats.
Oh and Cooper would throw on 1st down!
October 14th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
207
Mark says:
@100 – but we do (qualify for the World Cup in soccer). Unfortunately, we usually finish 32nd (out of 32 participating countries).
October 14th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
208
T-USC says:
T-USC, South Carolina:
1) The first half of Tiger Rag kicks ass, and holy shit, when they spell out Clemson is badass. They should play the first half more often.
2) Like seemingly EVERY OTHER SEC fanbase represented here, much of my school’s persona grates on me.
3) Living in Clemson, I would gladly trade every conference win for 10 seasons for 10 years of beating Clemson.
4) I have no idea what it will take for me to lose my SEC step-child mentality. Well…reading some of these comments that are actually postitive about USC might just help.
5) My justification for tailgating around Williams-Brice (unique within the conference) is really just my way of not admitting that not being on campus is really, really shitty.
and last but not least….
6) I named my firstborn child after a USC receiver from my childhood, and my wife just thought I liked the name. The kid is 4 and wife still has no idea….swore my few close friends to secrecy.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
209
cass says:
I was so wasted during last year’s (2007) UF/Tennessee game that I confused the rankings (3-21) with the score and couldn’t understand why everyone was so excited.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
210
West Tex gal says:
Texas Tech fan,
1. Lubbock smells terrible more often than any town should
2. Red River Shootout is the best tradition in college football
3. BJ Symons was a much more talented than Kliff Kingsbury
October 14th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
211
Mr.Pelican Pants says:
MPP,Alabama Fan:
1. I went on a blind date with a Auburn chick ,with the knowledge ,if I pretended to like Auburn and get her drunk, Id get lucky…it worked, although I found her overtures for oral sex was disturbing, asking me to “kiss her eagle”….mixing sex and college mascots is WRONG.
2. I am glad Tim Tebow went to Florida and not Alabama, even though Mike Shula put all his recruiting eggs in that basket for 12 hrs during the last minute. If he would have gotten him, Tim would have no Heisman and we would still have Shula.
3. I fear that after we beat LSU in their house, some maniac overly passionate LSU fans will kidnap Saban,leaving a note behind that says “If we cant have him, no one ever will…..” kinda like Kathy Bates in Misery…
4. I really wanted to beat a full strength Auburn team, not a blind,crippled wheelchair bound version…..dont get me wrong, it will still be fun, but I will feel .guilty….nah I wont
October 14th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
212
Grimey says:
Grimey – UF:
I don’t like saying “Go Gators” to others wearing Florida gear.
I think Auburn women are ridiculously hot, even though the SEC West makes everything depressing.
I wish that Tebow had Matt Stafford’s throwing ability.
I don’t know why everyone thinks Penn State has ugly uniforms.
I spent a year and a half at the University of Missouri, and I wanted Kansas to beat them last year.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
213
Keldorfian says:
Keldorfian, North Carolina
- Mack was right. You can’t win a football NC at Carolina
- I kind of like that “Lou” chant Notre Dame fans used to do
- Marvin Austin is oddly built and likely overweight
- This year’s UNC uniforms are edging dangerously close to Arena football territory
- Ron Curry was a disappointment. In both sports.
Forgive me, Dean.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
214
TheK-GunNeedsReloaded says:
PSU-
The UT Band playing Rocky Top is on my iPod
My best friend went to Pitt
I wish the jerseys had white piping on them.
Forgive me.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
215
Vandy J says:
Vandy J, raised Alabama, attended Vandy, married Cal:
1) I cringe every time I have to identify myself as a Tide supporter outside 205.
2) I only went to Vandy for grad school, and wasted four years at a horrible conservative-arts college in Birmingham.
3) I think UCLA’s seconday fight song (other than Sons of Westwood) is the catchiest shit I ever heard in my life.
4) I was happy to lose to Croom.
5) Despite a fervent Southern Baptist upbringing, the only time I ever go to the Lord in prayer are when a relative is in surgery, and on third down.
October 14th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
216
allaha says:
Allaha, Texas:
I always cheer for Oklahoma and TA&MU to be undefeated — only so UT’s victories are more impressive.
None of the three schools from which I was graduated — Cornell, Oxford, and Yale — have football teams, so I live vicariously via a state school that I never attended.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
217
jacketexan says:
I love all of the different traditions in college football, but I cannot stand living mascots (Bevo, UGA, Revelle, and that stupid sheep at UNC).
All they do is stand around and shit on the field!
October 14th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
218
poguemahone says:
poguemahone, Ohio State fan:
I prefer Michigan’s fight song and helmets to our own. And no, it isn’t really close.
I am a dead man.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
219
jrbirdman says:
I rooted for clemson when they played Nebraska for the National Championship. I think the Gamecock logo is horrible and once during the FSU game, I was apprended and taken to the magistrate’s court under Williams-Brice where I called the judge a facist pig (I don’t regret that). What I do regret is not getting the hat I knocked off the officer’s head during the scuffle whilst they tossed me into the cruiser for the trip downtown for the night. Oh yeah, I regret having to call my mother the next morning on her way to church for bond money.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
220
crbama says:
crbama: Alabama
- i pull for ole miss unless they’re playing Alabama
- Were Fulmer to be fired or leave, I’d hope for UT to win every game except the 3rd Saturday. I think the western side of the appalachians is the most breathtakingly gorgeous place on earth.
- i have never owned a mac but want one
- I despise every.fucking.single non-SEC team.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
221
DawgBoy83 says:
jacketexan,
> All they do is stand around and shit on the field!
I just cannot allow this blasphemy to stand…are you forgetting UGA V, who tried to take a chunk out of an Auburn player’s leg?
No matter who you root for, this has to be a top-10 moment in college football mascot lore.
Live mascots serve a definite purpose…and if you don’t have one, I suggest you get one (unless it’s a banana slug, of course).
October 14th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
222
JG says:
I don’t care that I’m late. I need to say this.
Florida. My fellow undergrads are clueless about football, and the Swamp is no longer THE SWAMP. We’re living off our reputation…and it pains me.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
223
Sparrow says:
Sparrow, Georgia – Despite his sometimes freakish athletic abilities, I think Stafford has no football IQ, is incredibly overrated and I can’t wait for him to take off for the NFL (but please leave Knowshon!).
I am confident that Richt will never win an NC.
This one is from the missus: I was a letterman (woman, whatever) at Iowa State and I hooked up with Tim Dwight.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
224
poguemahone says:
A couple more things before I go grudgingly to bed, fully expecting a burning couch through my window in minutes:
Penn State’s “WE ARE” chant is something “O-H-I-O” could never ever hope to be.
I want to stab everyone doing the “O-H” chant (trying to egg on the “I-O” response) multiple times with a Morgul-blade. Same for the pitiable souls who justify it with a response.
I have no problem admitting we have the most classless, over-the-top fanbase in the country and that the “Best Fans in the Land” initiative started a few years back has failed miserably.
I don’t hate the SEC or anyone in it. Wait no, check that, I hate the OBC, and I know he loves the fact that I (and most people) do.
Wisconsin’s game atmosphere is second to none when they’re in a competitive game.
Iowa and Texas have the nicest fans I’ve ever stumbled upon.
LSU fans, while batshit insane, know how to throw a hell of a tailgate. And the food is delicious, even if you feel like you’ve died inside the next day.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
225
CapstoneAlum says:
CapstoneAlum: ‘Bama
1) I kinda like Rocky Top and love the Vol Navy.
2) My girlfriend is an LSU alumnus. I want to marry her so bad that I would throw away everything I own Alabama related and become a Tiger fan if it means spending the rest of my life with her.
3) I took a piss in the graveyard behind Bryant-Denny..and I wasn’t drunk.
*MAY THE BEAR HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL*
October 14th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
226
Kecalf Bailey says:
This is beginning to remind me of the scene from Almost Famous where they are in the plane and they think they are about to crash.
I’m not ashamed of that, just saying.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
227
Kecalf Bailey says:
I hate, absolutely HATE Sweet Home Alabama.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
228
SpartanDan says:
Our fight song is one of the least-catchy fight songs I’ve heard (though at least it’s not as annoying as OU or USC’s, mostly because the band doesn’t play it at every goddamn opportunity). Minnesota, Wisconsin, Ohio State, and *shudder* Notre Dame definitely have better ones. (Michigan’s is better – although it still evokes an immediate “mute button” reaction if I’m watching on TV – if you only consider the short version everyone knows; the long version has a two-minute intro that sounds vaguely like circus music and therefore disqualifies it.)
NFL-related: I’m a Vikings fan who doesn’t absolutely hate Brett Favre. (Ironically, the whole soap opera this summer made it come close, and he’s no longer playing for a rival.)
October 14th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
229
hlh says:
Just a few things before this thread closes.
jrbirdman, you are welcome at any of my tailgates. I enjoy those who take their passion to extremes (I once referred to a cop as a Joseph Goebbels nihilist ) which makes no sense outside of some anti-teutonic berating. Beat that rap in municipal court with only a minor fine after the judge snarked.
Orson, I enjoy your varied musical tastes and have been delightfully exposed to new genre. However, I have become addicted to this motown remake recently. It’s not hip, cutting edge or cool, just old school, for which I apologize. I feel so dirty. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gA0GcXV2njY
October 15th, 2008 at 12:07 am
230
The Wide Open Steve Breaston says:
#218: +100 cocktails to you sir for that admission. May Hippie New Testament God give someone you hate a canker sore.
My version of the Big Ten Deathbed Confessionals in case Hippie New Testament God has mercy on me and calls me home to end the suffering:
- I’m jealous of how the crowd gets into the Script Ohio and “Hang On Sloopy”. I think the tuba dotting the I is a kickass tradition. And, I would be proud to say Jesse Owens was an alumnus of my school.
- I’m also jealous our band doesn’t have anything resembling the Fifth Quarter. (Or the tiddy-grabbing hazing goodness afterwards for that matter.)
- School I’m jealous of because their campus is in Chicago: Northwestern.
- Teams I root for when they’re not playing Michigan: PSU, Iowa, Indiana, Undue Perversity.
- Part of me feels happy for Minnesota when they win the Little Brown Jug.
- J Leman, or even Dick Butkus, would be an improvement over our linebackers this year.
- Bonus: Team I find myself rooting for more often than not which should make me feel dirty: Southern Cal.
October 15th, 2008 at 12:28 am
231
DC Trojan says:
My genius first grade daughter announced to me on Saturday that she wanted to be a cheerleader for USC. I was too busy dying inside to tell her they’re called Song Girls. She’s been signed up on early admit to Vassar.
October 15th, 2008 at 12:33 am
232
ClydeB (UCLA) says:
Speaking of live mascots, WHY DON’T WE HAVE A FUCKING BEAR?! It could hang out on the sideline at the Rose Bowl. Surely Hollywood has some trained bear that could be used for this…
October 15th, 2008 at 12:37 am
233
Jayhawkland says:
Jayhawkland, Kansas
-we will never win a MNC. Or a Big 12 title. It just will never happen.
-I secretly rooted for KSU in the ‘98 Big 12 title game. I figured at least someone will have some fun.
-I think anyone who sees K-state fans do their thing during “The Wabash Cannonball” would be impressed. Some real good rhythm for alot of white people. I’m stunned most times i see it.
-I think Bill Synder is one of the greatest college football coaches of the last 40 years. That last one hurts more than anyone will ever know.
October 15th, 2008 at 1:05 am
234
UkraineNotWeak says:
Syracuse- I actually still care about Syracuse Football. Not just looking ahead to the upcoming basketball season.
October 15th, 2008 at 6:14 am
235
TheMightyErik says:
TheMightyErik – Penn State
- I was once married to a Badger and am now married to a Buckeye with a gigantic shit-talking family
- I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen after the last second disaster to scUM in 2005 and found it somehow surreal and was glad to have witnessed it
- I am disturbed and awed by Holly’s knowledge of NCAAF and secretly wish my wife had inherited that gene
- I taught Holly’s cousin (my 4yr old baby girl) the Gator chomp weeks before the UT UF game for no good reason
- I said over the course of two years JoePa had lost it and should be put out to pasture
- I make fun of fat coaches regardless of their accomplishments
- Our mascot’s suit looks older than JoePa
- I like the Florida Gator even with that dumbass hat
- We probably should have lost to FSU in the ‘06 OB
- I believe Kirk Herbstreit has the most incredible life of any man in history and I want to be him
- I want Corso to put on the Buckeye head someday and suffocate in it
- Any ‘guy’ mascot (Leprechaun, Mountaineer, etc) are the most gay and lame mascots ever
October 15th, 2008 at 6:14 am
236
The Great Barstoolio says:
“a horrible conservative-arts college in Birmingham.” Oh, God, Vandy J, do we know each other?
“I think Uga is poorly bred” takes the cake here. Still laughing.
October 15th, 2008 at 6:32 am
237
Maceo24 says:
Maceo 24, Michigan: I prefer Penn State’s uniforms (including helmets) to those of Michigan.
October 15th, 2008 at 7:02 am
238
Ag20 says:
Ag20, Texas A&M
-despite my own constant reassurances, I realize we will never, ever win the MNC.
-I am starting to realize that the Wrecking Crew glory days and Cotton Bowls may have likely been due to the fact that Texas, OU and LSU were in down periods.
-I wished for the Slocum era to end, and fully did not realize exactly how good we had it.
-I am constantly embarrassed by the fact that we have done so little with our support, facilities, fanbase and program such that we should be where aforementioned Texas, OU and LSU are.
-I find Mike Leach amazing, and enjoy every sound bite.
-I am extremely jealous of Texas’ budget, support from “big name” alums, and, most embarrassingly, their number of t-shirt fans.
-I am constantly embarrassed by the jort, nerd-factor of about 75% of the undergraduate population, and shudder when I think that in 15-20 years, they are the ones that will be donating the money to “guide” this program.
October 15th, 2008 at 7:30 am
239
Rabid Badger says:
Wisconsin:
I hate Bret Bielema. Always have. Sure, I was happy to go 11-1. But deep down I knew he wasn’t the guy for us. He was a mediocre DC at Kansas State, and could always be counted on with us to completely blow 1-2 games a year. (see Michigan State 2004). I feel guilty for openly rooting for us to lose in order to get him out.
But the man has a fucking Iowa Hawkeye tattoo, fer cryin’ out loud.
October 15th, 2008 at 7:37 am
240
WarDamnEagle says:
Can we PLEASE have a discussion of this thread on the next EDSBS live. This has been one of the all time greats…
October 15th, 2008 at 7:38 am
241
Ted Ginn did Everythin' says:
TGdE, Ohio State:
1. I think James Laurinaitis is vastly overrated.
2. I own and sometimes wear a #13 (Maurice Clarett) jersey.
3. I think Rich Rodriguez was a good hire.
4. I’ve seen Mr. Holland’s Opus twice, and cried both times.
October 15th, 2008 at 7:45 am
242
NativeSon says:
NativeSon, UF fan
The orange and blue color combination, while striking on paper, only looks good on a human being as a football uniform. Nearly every other school’s fanwear (hats, shirts, etc.) are more appealing to me than UF’s.
NC State’s WOLF! – PACK! is much cooler and better executed across the stadium than OOOORRRAAANNNGGGGEEE – BLLLLLUUUUUUEEEE.
UGA’s celebration last season, while obviously the act of a desperate coach, doesn’t bother me as much as it seems to bother others.
My mancrush on Tebow does not preclude my wish that he threw a “prettier” ball.
ouch.
October 15th, 2008 at 7:48 am
243
CincySooner says:
CincySooner, Oklahoma – and late to the party…
4) I hate it when our fanbase flashes the “‘horns down” sign any week besides Red River Shootout week.
3) The FSU tomohawk chop is awesome.
2) No fanbase will ever be as organized as that of Texas A&M
and finally…
dont make me say it…
please Father forgive me…
it was a weak, weak, stupid, stupid moment…
…
…
…
1) I leapt to both feet and extended both arms over my head when Vince Young scrambled for the final touchdown of the 2006 Rose Bowl.
October 15th, 2008 at 7:54 am
244
pfhokie says:
I admit that I have not loved Coach Beamer with my whole heart. I think he is a little conservative in his game planning and playcalling. I think his development of the offense has been “not very good”. I think he let Marcus Vick run a little wild when he was on the team (He may have enabled Marcus just a little bit). When people ask me what is on Beamer’s neck, I don’t reprimand them for making fun of a guy who was burned on 110% of his body and had 900 surgeries to correct. Instead, I say: “it’s part of his ass.”
October 15th, 2008 at 8:01 am
245
betagator1530 says:
I like the blue field.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:03 am
246
Jason says:
Jason, Georgia. Never had the requisite level of hate for Spurrier. Okay, I actually like the guy.
Happy now?
October 15th, 2008 at 8:04 am
247
Erdinger says:
Erdinger, Florida:
I think the LSU tiger eye is the coolest mid-field design that there will ever be.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:08 am
248
Atomic Dog says:
Miss State:
Live in Gainesville, dating a Gator, love Gator tailgates with reckless abandon, realize that UF will forever be far superior to anything MSU-south could ever produce on a football field on a consistent basis.
I also have a pair of jorts and a Gator hat to wear on trips to Ginnie Springs. To blend in, of course.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:11 am
249
NCT says:
NCT, Georgia (old-school Georgia fan, such that UF has never been and never will be higher than number 3 on the hate list)
I, too, love GT’s fight song. In fact, it’s the best fight song in all of college football. Not only does it get the fans fired up and singing and yelling, it’s a drinking song for which one can make up verses and sing in the local tavern as a saucy wench passes fresh pints around at the local tavern.
Loyalty to parents and the fact that I feel more comfortable wearing red and/or black than light blue played too large a part in turning down the Moorehead.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:13 am
250
Jebus says:
Jebus- Michigan.
I loathe the vast majority of our fan base, and wish we had more of an SEC style following.
I can’t stand the “you suck” thing that is now accompanying the playing of Temptation on 3rd down stops.
Also, I think our student body just doesn’t get it.
I think RichRod was a horrible hire, and I envy the stability of Tressel, MNC’s or not.
The Big House is an overrated idea. It will be louder with the addition, and I’m ok with that.
The Rose Bowl might be where the football is played in heaven.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:23 am